DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

Knew one would be along to call me a prude, just didn’t know they’d pop up so quickly.

You’re entitled to your opinion that I’m a prude however I’m equally entitled to think people who free fart away with no shame are just a bit common.

What are the consequences

This -it's literally nothing to do with the war

it's not weird at all, most of us don't know about our colleagues bathroom habits because people have manners? They can poop in the office loo without making it a spectacle? 😂

In the real world, we just don't know, and don't want to know.

I don't use the bathroom with the door open either, who does that.

Milkshake literally does not bring anyone to your yard

Just light matches after each explosion in the loo, surely.
Anyway everyone on MN has at least 2 loos by all accounts, so you stick to one, he to the other for the duration.
(Sleep apart maybe, for your own comfort. I certainly would)

He shouldn’t have said that out loud, it wasn’t kind, especially on your birthday.

That said, I’d hate it if my DH ate something knowing it’d make me suffer. I really cannot tolerate stinking farts & toilets! He’d be sleeping on the sofa.

I agree with this. Posters would be piling on to call him a selfish dick. He definitely shouldn't have said it in company but nobody wants to share a bed or be trapped in a car with someone letting off rancid farts.

The farts are honestly horrendous and it goes on for hours. They are so bad it's made our DD 7 cry on many an occasion.

That is absolutely horrific I don’t know how you deal with it. If I farted away for hours on end and made our children cry from it “on many an occasion” I wouldn’t expect my DH to shag me ever again.

Hopefully he is still sleeping in the doghouse?

And hopefully the dog farts.

He deserves to be served 💩 on a plate.

It's genuinely a really hard thing to deal with. And like the OP it's only a special occasion or an ice cream on holiday kind of thing and I try and be kind and understanding y'know...

But man it sucks.

I do rather think you're missing my point. An attack of IBD or severe IBS is not a question of 'manners'.

I'm not entirely sure where shitting with the door open comes into it to be honest. I said I have inflammatory bowel disease, not that I was born in a barn 😂

You should've replied, mate. I don't care. I'm gonna do noxious farts.

Maybe he has a point

it was in reply to

Mumsnet it quite weird about poo. Whether it's 'you must poo in your own house' / 'why would you poo at work' or 'OMG a tradesman took a shit in my bathroom'. It's most odd and not how I experience people behaving in the real world.

my point was that in the real world, I don't know about people poo situation. There's nothing weird about it being private, which everybody I know does, as I havent' got the faintest idea who does what.

YABU. And quite selfish. People I’ve known with IBS who eat stuff that triggers it seem to have had uncontrollable flatulence. Very unpleasant for those around them.

He thinks you’re selfish to have dessert on your 40th birthday?
And points it out in front of friends?
And his main reason is because he’ll suffer the consequences of your medical condition?
But he thinks that’s not selfish?

Has he always been so insensitive, rude and self-absorbed?

Shit on his head!!! What a prat

So....
It's your birthday.
You're celebrating with your husband and a bunch of your friends.
It's not just any birthday, it's a "big" birthday.
(Happy belated birthday by the way)
You have IBS which, after eating certain foods, you're going to toot for a bit.
(No big deal)
In public, at the table, in front of your friends, husband questions your food choice then makes an off-hand remark about how he's going to have to suffer with your stinkiness because you're so selfish as to order yourself your favorite dessert with your birthday meal.

I could understand the trepidation on his part if you got dreadfully ill after eating a particular food, something that would have you so sick you'd be incapacitated...
But this is just a minor reaction and one that you've decided to accept as the short-term consequences to your little sweet treat.

He's being a jerk.
That was rude; unnecessarily humiliating you in front of your friends, and I hope you gassed him out good under the covers that night!

You should be absolutely ashamed by the level of ignorance you’ve shown here. How is it possible to be this uneducated?

I want to change my vote because now I've read the descriptions of how fucking awful it smells and for how long I think it sounds really inconsiderate

Alright mate, I think everyone else has made the point - tone it down

What on earth is wrong with you? What sort of response is that?

I’m perfectly entitled to add my opinion on such stupidity, mate.