DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

that's not what the poster was saying AT ALL.

You are completely ignoring the context and the post they were replying to . I am sorry you are taking it so personally, but you might want to read the thread and what was said in that conversation.

You are confusing completely separate issues, and more importantly ignoring the context of the post you are offended by.

No one is bullying anyone

If you say so, Donkey!

Sorry, been too busy with my DP preparing for our holiday tomorrow! Even though apparently neither of us can possibly find the other attractive in batshit land 😂

anywho, I’m off to have a great time!

You’re going to Far Far Away I hope 🤣

If it’s away from you lot then I bloody hope so too!!

Knowing how most men think, he was probably hoping that as it was your birthday and the wine was inevitably flowing that he was in for a "good night" and his hopes would be dashed with your arse hovering over the bog half the night! 😆

I’m in the fence, he shouldn’t have said anything publicly and ir was your birthday, but my husband went through a stage, lasted a couple of years, of his guts reacting badly, the smell was awful and he’d fart in his sleep, I’d wake up and be retching. So I can kind of see two sides to it. As if I had seen my husband eat something that caused it during that period I’d likely have said something.

My husband has IBS and can be quite stinky after cheese. But he loves it and only has it on special occasions and I am pleased for him!
Obvs I don't love the farts but I'd want him to ignore my farts if it was me!

So your H stank for years, but OP wanted a treat on her special birthday as a one-off, and you think that's comparable?

How the hell is it him that suffers the consequences? It’s you that will have cramps and Diarrhoea!

You're not unreasonable.. it was your birthday FGS! Is he always controlling and does he put you down in public regularly?

@Paulaloves YABU for consuming foodstuffs you know will make you unwell.

Everybody's shit smells, or does he shit violets - its a bodily function. Tell him to get over it - he sounds a controlling knob.

OP didn’t say it made her unwell, there’s just a bit of a smell afterwards. Presumably he shits rose petals.

I had visions of the OP standing in front of the telly, cocking her leg, giggling, and telling her husband to pull her finger.

But seriously, if eating certain foods gives her wind that makes the house smell like the inside of a bag of dry roasted peanuts while having her husband contemplating getting a canary in a cage, she is out of order.

I was a disability outreach worker for many years and l can assure you IBS can and is considered a disability under the Equality Act 2010 if significant enough to have an impact on daily life. I’ve been involved in the provision of reasonable adjustments in employment for many people considered disabled by the severity of the condition, arranged under the Act. Maybe you should lay off posting the laughing emojis until you’ve checked the strength of your own argument, because in this case you are the one who isn’t factually correct.

Glad you find the OP’s health condition so amusing.

As I got to the part where OP says she has stinky farts, my husband farted really loudly 😂

Do you think the OP choosing to eat trigger foods is taking her health condition seriously…?

Her husband certainly doesn’t.

Do you think that OP should be made to live her life never, ever having these treats because she has to think of the effects on others ? She says she seldom has triggering foods except as an occasional treat - how is that not taking her health condition seriously ?

I already did my research, love. You’re wrong. A disability and a condition that meets the criteria to be protected under the Equality Act 2010 are two different things. IBS is not a disability but can fall under EA2010 if severe enough to effect day to day life. >Inserts more laughing emojis< 😂

A condition that meets the criteria to be protected under the EA is considered a disability. They are one and the same. The Act defines disability as ‘a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term effect on daily life’. The disabled person is protected from discrimination and entitled to request reasonable adjustments from their employer. Which, ‘love’, is exactly what l said.

It's your choice as it's your body, but why would you want to eat something that can trigger your IBS? Especially away from home. As an IBS sufferer myself, birthday or not, I wouldn't take the risk.

You are but a simple woman, the man must protect you, from yourself.

How does that optic sound, was your reaction b*** off? That's the right answer

What a total pratt your husband is!

He is the 'other' person who has to face the consequences, not the one whose guts are tied in knots. It was rude of him to chastise you in front of people.

It certainly could come for anyone on here. I wonder if they are aware that lack of oestragen can affect the gut microbiome. I had IBS when younger but it got much worse when i was forty nine, three years ago.