DH said I’m selfish for having a dessert with birthday meal

[Paulaloves]

Apologies if TMI but I suffer from IBS and have certain trigger foods. I largely avoid these but occasionally treat myself when it’s an occasion such as my birthday.

It was my 40th meal at the weekend with friends so I decided to have a dessert i’d usually avoid. In front of our friends, DH acted funny and asked if me having that’s a good idea. When I said yes I will it’s my birthday, he said I was being selfish and it’d be him who has to suffer the consequences later. Really embarrassing in front of company.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

And you didn't tell him to fuck off with himself??

What does he have to do? Wipe your bum? 😂

Very crude of him to say it in front of your friends. Does he often criticise you to others?

Agree. I have IBS too, and I don't actually blame him. He should have said it to you privately, though. Why would you eat things that make you feel awful? I really can't relate.

Another vote for VIPoo, it’s great!
Your husband is mean. My adult DD and I are both suffer after dairy and my husband laughs when we decide to have an ice cream laden with chocolate and everything else. As adults we can make that choice! I hope you enjoyed your dessert OP.

What a wanker. Why is he trying to embarrass you? You know your body and the consequences of eating certain foods. I can't eat dairy. It makes me swell up and look 9 months pregnant. Its bloody painful. And, it will be painful coming out the other end. If I want to eat cheese I bloody well will. Generally, it's not worth the discomfort but once in a while I'll suffer it.

What kind of birthday is it if you can't have a good fart and refuse a shag?!!

Is he always a mardy arse?

If she's lactose intolerant then she will be stinking out the house for hours. That's the point.

Did you read the post he spoke about her body and choices disparagingly in front of others..

He was very wrong to say it publicly.
He does have a fair point though.

I don’t think he should have said it as it’s not kind but does he have to suffer some unpleasant consequences (ie do you only have one loo).

I know it’s your birthday but your IBS doesn’t know or care. I’m not judging as I have no experience of it from either perspective.

Omg, I feel for you here. It’s hard enough without people (and of all people your husband) being like this. Of course he’s an arsehole for deliberating trying to embarrass you like this. I hope he’s a prince in every other aspect of your life because to me, this says everything I need to know.

So OP's every waking moment has to be devoted to satisfying her husband's needs and desires and she should never take a minute to do something for herself, even something as innocuous as enjoying a favourite dessert on her birthday in case it discomforts him even in a very minor and transient way? As if that degree of selflessness would be reciprocated by any man ever!

The cheeky fucker, I'd have ordered two deserts

Wow I can't believe some people actually think its reasonable to behave like this, lest they (god forbid) smell their partner's toileting once in a blue moon.

I can't stand people who intentionally fart in front of others or who don't use the poo drops I buy for the bathroom- but if you're in a long term relationship, you are occasionally going to smell their fart or shit, IBS or not. Very immature to expect otherwise.

YABU. And if you were a man OP, the replies would be very different.

No, my husband does this and it infuriates me. Stinks up the house for hours, moans about cramps and goes around like a dying duck farting all day. He KNOWS he is going to feel like shit and pebbledash the bathroom PLUS we only have one bathroom. I do give out to him over it when he decides to eat something he knows is deliberately make him ill, he doesn't do it much anymore but certainly did it when he was younger. I found it incredibly selfish.

However, I would never, ever call him out publicly for it. That is way out of order.

My mother had ibs and would “treat herself” when we ate out and it meant everyone had to be ready to leave at zero notice, she’d spend the drive home being aggressive ti her husband, shouting at the kids for making any noise, the constant farting that hung around for hours, she’d then expect to have full control of the only bathroom in the house and if someone else was mid shit she expected to literally stop and not wipe or flush so she could have the toilet, she’d then blame them for her shitting herself, she would complain about a bad tummy and plans in the day after would be cancelled.

It did have an impact on the whole household, air freshers and vipoo sprays did absolutely nothing.

As an adult I know a few people with IBS (including myself) and it’s way more than “just smelling for a bit”. I can’t enjoy the treat food because the fallout (literally) isn’t worth it. The only time I may risk it is if dh and dd are away and even then, it’s just not worth it.

What a nasty prick to try and humiliate you like that.

I don't kick off every time my DH eats a curry, Chinese, lots of cheese, creamy food.... YANBU and he was a dick especially embarrassing you in front of friends. I vote you eat pudding every night for the next week

It wasn’t kind to humiliate you OP. But I’ve got a relative who is lactose intolerant and will be doubled up in pain for a day after eating ice cream. It’s debilitating for them and horrible for their family. I do think they are unreasonable for eating ice cream, same as if someone can’t hold their alcohol and suffers from a bad hangover after drinking

‘Well, we’ll put you in a tent in the garden then, darling!’

Oh go away. A man very likely wouldn’t be criticised in person.

Should have ordered double OP!!

Ah a joke about the extermination of Dutch Jews. You must be so proud. (in response to the Dutch oven comment