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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

235 replies

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:07

Disabled son is nearly 4 but intellectually functions at the level of maybe an 18-month-old. Nonverbal, responds to his name and a few individual words like “eat” but that’s it.

He is incredibly hyperactive and from the moment he wakes up is running around screaming continuously in either joy or anger, pulling things off shelves, melting down and kicking and biting.

Now he is also constantly attacking his sister, who is 6 months old. I of course prevent him from getting within reach of her as much as possible but he still manages to slap, kick, bite, hit her with a weapon of some kind at least once a day, often more. When he can’t reach her he just screams as loudly as he can as close to her as he can, which makes her cry.

She is obviously terrified in her own home. She flinches when she hears him coming down the hall. She often preemptively starts crying when she sees him.

I am losing my mind with guilt and worry over the long and short term harm this is doing to her. What can I do?

Our home is tiny (2 small bedrooms, tiny kitchen and bathroom) and there’s no garden or anything so it’s hard to keep them apart.

He sometimes seems amused by being told off, but mostly doesn’t seem to even notice. I’ve tried ignoring it too but that also doesn’t work.

Ive tried shutting him in his room for a few minutes but he then becomes hysterical which is awful and just doesn’t help.

What can I do? I have no doubt he would actually kill her if they were ever alone together for even a few minutes, but of course I’m careful that never happens.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:09

This sounds horrendous. You poor things. Does your son have a nursery place at all? I know this is probably easier said than done.

5gums · 11/11/2025 15:09

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Survivingnotthriving24 · 11/11/2025 15:11

This is absolutely horrendous, you all must be absolutely terrified.

I'm sorry I have no advice but I think you need to seek professional support to ensure everyone's safety, hes 4 now but one day he'll be an adult man and your safety will be at risk too.

Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:12

Intentionally, from a disabled young child with a much younger cognitive age?

Of course not. He probably has no idea of the damage he could cause.

Nkkjsww · 11/11/2025 15:12

You need to protect your daughter. He'll probably end up killing her if you're not careful. She's 6 months, very fragile. Where is the dad in this?

Yes do lock him in his room.

Whatabouterytoutery · 11/11/2025 15:13

I would have seperate areas of the house for both of them fenced off with baby gates so a sitting room area playpen and a kitchen area maybe. I would use a sling as much as possible for your baby. I would go to parenting classes to assist to improve the situation if they are an option. We have specialist intervention service (non UK) that would be good for ideas on this but also these classes are invaluable for getting other parents experiences of dealing with similar. I would get a school placement for your son that kept him safe and away from the home for respite for you.

You must be so worried, it is an extremely tough one.

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:13

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I don’t think he understands the concept of death or killing at all so not intentionally as such. But he would definitely do it. He has often tried to attack her with heavy objects for example, or tried to kick her full force in the head or face.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:14

Have you seen a health visitor? Has he been referred for any support?

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:15

Zippidydoodah · 11/11/2025 15:09

This sounds horrendous. You poor things. Does your son have a nursery place at all? I know this is probably easier said than done.

Thank you. He does have a nursery place but it’s only three mornings. We are on the waiting list for more.

OP posts:
5gums · 11/11/2025 15:15

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Parsleysalad · 11/11/2025 15:16

Oh that sounds so hard, I have no advice at all but sending support and hope others have ideas to help you

HeyGuysItsNicole · 11/11/2025 15:16

This is awful the poor poor baby

you need separate homes. Your baby is being abused.

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:18

Survivingnotthriving24 · 11/11/2025 15:11

This is absolutely horrendous, you all must be absolutely terrified.

I'm sorry I have no advice but I think you need to seek professional support to ensure everyone's safety, hes 4 now but one day he'll be an adult man and your safety will be at risk too.

Yes I worry about this too. He can already hurt us adults quite badly. He is actually a lovely, friendly boy but has unfortunately become more aggressive since his sister was born. When he’s in a meltdown it’s like he’s possessed. And then when he’s in a very good mood he gets overexcited and starts grabbing/slapping/throwing, all with a big smile on his face.

OP posts:
YSianiFlewog · 11/11/2025 15:19

HeyGuysItsNicole · 11/11/2025 15:16

This is awful the poor poor baby

you need separate homes. Your baby is being abused.

How do you suggest OP does this?!

Clickt · 11/11/2025 15:19

Sending hugs. You need external support OP. You sound like a great mum
btw x

5gums · 11/11/2025 15:19

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BreakingBroken · 11/11/2025 15:19

Where is the father?

crappycrapcrap · 11/11/2025 15:19

I would be asking for support from health visitor, they can make a referral - it could be a practical safety issue like support from OT looking at room and stair gates or emotional support for yourself. Behavioural support for your son.
don’t be scared to ask and raise your concerns before you end up explaining at A&E

SaratogaFilly · 11/11/2025 15:19

Jesus Christ - this is one of the most horrendous things I’ve read on here. You need help & your DD needs protecting. Where is the dad in all of this? Please get help asap and protective measures in place immediately, even if that does mean locking him / her away for their safety.

So sorry you’re going through this Op & hope you get help soon.

Bagsintheboot · 11/11/2025 15:21

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:13

I don’t think he understands the concept of death or killing at all so not intentionally as such. But he would definitely do it. He has often tried to attack her with heavy objects for example, or tried to kick her full force in the head or face.

If he is putting your daughter's life at risk then sadly he needs removing from the home. This is only likely to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger, sadly.

Write down all the incidents and keep a log. Take it to your GP and explain that he is a danger to your other child and they cannot safely live together. Ask the GP to make an urgent referral to SS because there is a high risk of him killing your daughter.

Seek a voluntary care order under Section 20 because he is beyond parental control and is a danger to the baby.

mcmuffin22 · 11/11/2025 15:21

Hi OP,

I don't have experience but have you seen specialists etc and is there a plan for behavioural therapy, considering medication etc?

Octonaut4Life · 11/11/2025 15:22

You need to contact social care urgently potentially via your health visitor for support and professional advice

Nkkjsww · 11/11/2025 15:23

I feel there's no solution in sign unfortunately. He'll continue to be aggressive, hurt everyone around him and one day when he's not being watched he'll attack his sister too hard and she won't recover.

I'm so sorry OP.

Pincey77 · 11/11/2025 15:24

Bagsintheboot · 11/11/2025 15:21

If he is putting your daughter's life at risk then sadly he needs removing from the home. This is only likely to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger, sadly.

Write down all the incidents and keep a log. Take it to your GP and explain that he is a danger to your other child and they cannot safely live together. Ask the GP to make an urgent referral to SS because there is a high risk of him killing your daughter.

Seek a voluntary care order under Section 20 because he is beyond parental control and is a danger to the baby.

Agree with this. Even if it's not permanent, he needs to be removed from the home until adequate safety measures can be put in place to ensure he can't harm his sister. This sounds absolutely horrific and I'm so sorry you're all going though it. Do you have a partner to support you?

Tealtoffee21 · 11/11/2025 15:25

Nkkjsww · 11/11/2025 15:23

I feel there's no solution in sign unfortunately. He'll continue to be aggressive, hurt everyone around him and one day when he's not being watched he'll attack his sister too hard and she won't recover.

I'm so sorry OP.

What's the point of writing this? To make the OP feel even worse!

This is a terrible situation, but it's not inevitable the baby will be injured.

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