Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to protect my daughter from my son?

235 replies

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:07

Disabled son is nearly 4 but intellectually functions at the level of maybe an 18-month-old. Nonverbal, responds to his name and a few individual words like “eat” but that’s it.

He is incredibly hyperactive and from the moment he wakes up is running around screaming continuously in either joy or anger, pulling things off shelves, melting down and kicking and biting.

Now he is also constantly attacking his sister, who is 6 months old. I of course prevent him from getting within reach of her as much as possible but he still manages to slap, kick, bite, hit her with a weapon of some kind at least once a day, often more. When he can’t reach her he just screams as loudly as he can as close to her as he can, which makes her cry.

She is obviously terrified in her own home. She flinches when she hears him coming down the hall. She often preemptively starts crying when she sees him.

I am losing my mind with guilt and worry over the long and short term harm this is doing to her. What can I do?

Our home is tiny (2 small bedrooms, tiny kitchen and bathroom) and there’s no garden or anything so it’s hard to keep them apart.

He sometimes seems amused by being told off, but mostly doesn’t seem to even notice. I’ve tried ignoring it too but that also doesn’t work.

Ive tried shutting him in his room for a few minutes but he then becomes hysterical which is awful and just doesn’t help.

What can I do? I have no doubt he would actually kill her if they were ever alone together for even a few minutes, but of course I’m careful that never happens.

OP posts:
HeyGuysItsNicole · 12/11/2025 20:51

Barnbrack · 12/11/2025 20:03

God that's awful I'm so sorry. That's neglectful parenting on their part though. Being in denial about a child's capabilities can be a real problem. Was it the 80s? We ran in big groups of kids of different ages and there were very uncomfortable situations that arose. I don't know why those in my parents generation are so keen we should all be sending our kids out to run in bands like that when those of us who grew up in that 'freedom' know what happened.

No, it was the early 2000

SpinInPlates · 12/11/2025 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Barnbrack · 12/11/2025 20:52

A few years? That’s torture for the OP to live like that

That's what you said. You've several times called her life torture or suggested she shouldn't have to live like that. So what would you do? Send the 4 yr old... Where? And what if it was YOUR 4 yr old, you're living breathing much loved child? Of course you'd love them and look after them. It's not inner strength it's practical survival

HeyGuysItsNicole · 12/11/2025 20:53

Radiatelikethis · 12/11/2025 20:05

It's a very brave step to share your story. I hope you do find the strength to report it. It sounds utterly horrific what you went through, of course it's going to cloud your view that's understandable.

I've written enough on my views on the whole post but wanted to acknowledge the bravery of sharing your story and hope you receive what ever support you need with processing this awful event.

Thank you that's really kind of you to say.

I really hope I haven't high jacked OPs thread. I just wanted to highlight that there can be really harmful abuse that leaves life long scars, and the OPs baby is sadly already being harmed. I hope the boy grows out of it for all concerned.

thank you for your kind comments ❤️

SpinInPlates · 12/11/2025 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Laura95167 · 12/11/2025 21:06

WhaleRiders · 11/11/2025 15:07

Disabled son is nearly 4 but intellectually functions at the level of maybe an 18-month-old. Nonverbal, responds to his name and a few individual words like “eat” but that’s it.

He is incredibly hyperactive and from the moment he wakes up is running around screaming continuously in either joy or anger, pulling things off shelves, melting down and kicking and biting.

Now he is also constantly attacking his sister, who is 6 months old. I of course prevent him from getting within reach of her as much as possible but he still manages to slap, kick, bite, hit her with a weapon of some kind at least once a day, often more. When he can’t reach her he just screams as loudly as he can as close to her as he can, which makes her cry.

She is obviously terrified in her own home. She flinches when she hears him coming down the hall. She often preemptively starts crying when she sees him.

I am losing my mind with guilt and worry over the long and short term harm this is doing to her. What can I do?

Our home is tiny (2 small bedrooms, tiny kitchen and bathroom) and there’s no garden or anything so it’s hard to keep them apart.

He sometimes seems amused by being told off, but mostly doesn’t seem to even notice. I’ve tried ignoring it too but that also doesn’t work.

Ive tried shutting him in his room for a few minutes but he then becomes hysterical which is awful and just doesn’t help.

What can I do? I have no doubt he would actually kill her if they were ever alone together for even a few minutes, but of course I’m careful that never happens.

Does DS have a Dr or specialist? Suspect this is jealously and suspect creating a more positive association with DD is the only real way forward.

From an 18month old perspective sharing mum isnt nice, and when he expresses that frustration hes punished. Reaffirming all his negative feelings.

I think you need professional advice on how to make more positive associations for him without putting her at risk. I dont know how to begin to suggest how you do that but many hugs.

HeyGuysItsNicole · 12/11/2025 21:20

@SpinInPlates

nice to see that your comment got deleted as soon as you posted it. There's absolutely no way you can get away with speaking to victims of child sexual abuse like that. That speaks volumes to who you are as a person.

you've made yourself look utterly hideous!

x2boys · 12/11/2025 21:24

Allseeingallknowing · 12/11/2025 19:10

Yes, two and I couldn’t do it

Edited

Ok so I assume you love your children,
What if they were involved in some terrible accident and became disabled, bearing in mind this is your much loved. Child ,would you just say oh know I can't look after them anymore they will have to go in a ( mythical ) residential schools?
Patents of disabled children love their children just as much as the next person and its abhorrent ti think so many posters think its fine to just send the disabled child away.

x2boys · 12/11/2025 21:25

Allseeingallknowing · 12/11/2025 18:59

A terrible way to live, stressful and exhausting, physically and mentally, not possible for a long length of time.

Well it is im 16 years into this.

Allseeingallknowing · 12/11/2025 21:56

x2boys · 12/11/2025 21:24

Ok so I assume you love your children,
What if they were involved in some terrible accident and became disabled, bearing in mind this is your much loved. Child ,would you just say oh know I can't look after them anymore they will have to go in a ( mythical ) residential schools?
Patents of disabled children love their children just as much as the next person and its abhorrent ti think so many posters think its fine to just send the disabled child away.

No, I’d do my best.As I said no one knows how they will cope until they are challenged

New posts on this thread. Refresh page