RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

You need to nip this in the bud quickly. Tell your friend that, based on numbers etc, you won’t be able to accommodate the siblings.

"Sorry, we can't accommodate siblings. Looking forward to seeing Mary if you can make it work xx"

Do it now or it will get harder and harder and then just anger you.

Say no. Its as simple as that.
Next time, write on the invites it’s for the invited kid only and not siblings.

Can I add - people shitplopping siblings into parties is my personal bugbear.

Reply and say that you are limited by space and can’t accommodate siblings unfortunately. If she can’t come it doesn’t matter.

I’ve always said yes to siblings when I’ve had space but when we did a limited numbers event party I specified no siblings on the invite.

Oh I wish I’d said no siblings on the invite 😩 lesson learned

Ive always considered siblings at my kids parties because I live in an area where many people don't have much money and are single parents. Their kids would not be able to attend if I forbade siblings from attending and not every child is right to be left at the party alone.

What’s worse, hardly any kids or too many?

I differ in my opinion to most of MN on this. I think if it is a party where parents are expected to stay then siblings end up being part of that (but not payment or food etc.)

have there been a lot of parties where she’s seen your younger one there? If she has maybe she’s just assumed. I’d just message and say you can’t have siblings due to space.

I actually wouldn’t mind and would leave it. You say you also have a 2.5 year old, so surely they can play together also?

I always assume everyone will bring siblings if at age parents still staying

Is it too late to contact them all again and say unfortunately due to lack of space you won’t be able to have siblings too? You’d have to speak separately to the one who's already replied, saying sorry but you just don’t have the space for lots of siblings and can’t let her DC come while saying no to others.

People have been kind enough to you when you have had to bring along your younger dc (you say you asked the question but it can be difficult to say no) so repay the favour.

I’ve also never been as strict as most of Mumsnet on this issue, it never bothered me if there were a couple of extras. Rather that than a declined invitation.

How close of a friend is she? Usually when I do birthday invitations to friends I invite with the assumption that close friends would bring siblings (we go out a lot in the holidays and all the kids know and play together). Equally, I would be happy to have just the invited child of my close friends so she could drop just invited child off and run.

Random mum from school - "sorry, I am really tight on space so can't accommodate siblings".

Pre school parties tended to be family friends and their children ,so all children invited regardless of age.
Class parties once at Primary ,only children from the class invited,definitely not siblings.

Reply and say that you are limited by space and can’t accommodate siblings unfortunately. If she can’t come it doesn’t matter.

This. It's really not hard, OP!

Yeah that’s what im battling with, I can put myself in their shoes. I’m just very worried about space!!!

If you’re genuinely worried about space, message her back and say so and that you’ll let her know if you have any declines and can squeeze the sibling in.

I know it’s not hard but I don’t have a “village” and any mum friends I’ve got are important to me

No we’ve not been at the same parties before

Parents are creating this unnecessary anxiety in their children. The lack of trust in other parents is off the chart. It was completely the norm to be dropped off at someone’s house for a party in the 80s/90s. Children were much more confident and resilient as a result. Parents should model with confidence dropping them off and leaving them to promote confidence. If a child really wasn’t fine or something did happen, any host would contact the parent. Common sense.

I don't think someone should be expected to pay for childcare or call in a favour to go and mind their child at someone else's house. Either parent comes with siblings or does a drop and collect. I personally don't like when siblings arrive, a 2 yr old really affects the vibe of a 4 yr old party. However I think if you expect people to stay then that's the price you pay. Why not tell your friend to just drop off 4 yr old and explain why and say you'll all do a play date with all kids another day soon.

This wouldn't bother me particularly.

It's at home so no real additional cost and your own 2 year old son will be there. Probably useful for the wee ones to be entertained together so that the older ones can have the party.

It's different if it's a pay-per-head type party, then an additional sibling is another £15-20 and that's not ok.

Rather than messsaging etc why don’t you have a proper conversation with her . So much clearer to explain verbally and gives clear context. .

I’m sick of it all OP. People are beyond rude telling hosts they are bringing both, you ask and make other arrangements if it’s not OK. I actually don’t ask, I make arrangements with another parent who’s child is also invited, eg one drives the older two to the party, one hosts the uninvited younger 2 for a play date. I’d happily drop off whichever of mine was invited if I couldn’t get cover for the other, it is beyond ridiculous in a house for a couple of hours- what on earth do people think is going to happen?!?! 😂

I would let her leave the four year old and not stay herself if she has childcare problems. Four year olds don’t need 1:1 adult supervision.