RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

Personally think it’s cheekier to take a sibling to a soft play party or other rented space than a home party.

From what age though? My daughter turned 5 in August. So far I've always stayed and so have all of the other parents. She's been invited to a soft play area party for the first time in 2 weeks time. Should I stay or should I go? She wouldn't care either way

...

I think that it's the height of rudeness to either just assume a sibling is invited or turn up with one.

I don't think that people should even ask, to be honest, unless in exceptional circumstances such as a lone parent with no family/friend support or a partner is working and no family/friend support.

I once had a guy turn up with the child that was invited and their two siblings!!! No asking, just said "they wanted to come too!". Fucking rude! It puts the host in such an awkward spot.

It’s rare to hire the whole place, it is usually possible to pay for the sibling to enter and then not take them to the party room for food.

What, with a hundred other random kids? You'd honestly be perturbed by your mate paying her 2 yo in when there's a load of total strangers there than rocking up to your small house? It's an absolute given in my circle that siblings will want to come to soft play, their parents will pay, they won't be fed but they'll come and say hello to the birthday kid

finally a poster with common sense.
I don't stay at parties. I use the time to enjoy 1-1 time with the other child.
And if both are invited to a party on the same day (that has only happened once), I enjoy it on my own!

which is fab if you're 4 yo is happy to be left in a location they don't know with adults they're unfamiliar with. my twins probably would, my nephew wouldn't. I don't think that's a negative reflection on my nephew or sister

Not if you paying for the child and keeping them out of party room so it's not connected directly to the party. Whereas inviting other people to someone else's house is a cheek

I disagree, truthfully.

Everyone has different levels of comfort and different standards. I know parents who would happily let 4yr olds play unattended in a home with lots of unsafe things around. Parents whose family dog is a pitbull who don't bother to stay in the room when playdates happen and the dog is loose. Parents who happily put out whole grapes and popcorn/lollipops for 2yr olds without a second thought.

We had a playdate a while ago and someone dropped off their 4yr old and left, saying they'd be back in a few hours. First time being at ours. The only adult in the house was DH. The parent was completely comfortable leaving her 4yr old child in a new home with an adult man she barely knew other than saying hello at drop off. I know my DH isn't an abuser, but this parent couldn't have known that. It blew my mind honestly.

I wouldn't drop and leave my kid until around 8+ at the earliest, and only at somewhere he'd been before and I'd been at previously. I don't think people realise how easily a fatal accident can occur or how many stand-up, normal appearing adults are predators.

Stay. It's assumed you'll stay.

It's rude to expect the birthday child's parents to take on responsibility for your child, and the soft play staff certainly aren't responsible, there's always signs emphasising parents must supervise their child. Sure there's usually a lockable gate but it just takes a teen employee assuming your child is with another family to let them out. Not to mention if your child needs the toilet and needs some help (not unusual at 4yr), who will take her and wipe her if needed? Will she feel okay in a big busy place without you?

I would be unimpressed if a parent dropped and left at that age.

Bet there won't be many party invites for him for 7/8 th birthday the if it means you sitting around like a spare part.

And it's a bit weird really. I remember when DD went to brownies camp at 8. There was a parent who was worrying about who was going to lay out their kids clothes of a morning and saying about tagging alone. Poor kid got the piss ripped out of them

I agree with some of your points, but disagree with others.

Dogs- one worth checking for sure. I know the homes of school friends my children have had play dates with after school since age 4-5 do not own a dog, or certainly not one of a dangerous breed. That is sensible to check.

Grapes and 2 year olds- I wouldn’t start parties with 2 year olds. I personally slice grapes up when catering a party, but children aged 5 and over should he taught and trusted how to sit down and chew food carefully. They do it at lunch at school, after all.

Age 8 is in my opinion very late to not allow your child to ever play at a friend’s house without you. And I say this has who’s family reported and sent another family member to prison when it came to light they had abused my younger sibling. My trust has been shattered, but I still refuse to anxiously over parent my own children, and it would be easy for me to. My son has 3 close friends who regularly do play dates at ours or theirs where the hosting parent collects from school since Year 1 with zero issues. My 4 year old has a very close friend from pre-school how she alternates play dates with a close friend, whose parents I have got to know as their eldest is in with my son. My children eagerly look forward to visiting their friends, they are confident and excited to go. I don’t want to stifle their confidence through unwarranted fear about everyone we come into contact with, it’s no way to live.

My niece and nephew have been so anxiously parented that my nephew at 16 has so little trust in himself to navigate safety that he won’t walk anywhere or cross a road alone. That is a disabling way to raise a child. We have to learn how to face and navigate risk.

This happened at my DD's party last year too- actually in one case the parents hadn't even RSVP'd at all! Which was annoying because it was at a play space and we had to give a headcount ahead of time. After that, DH was like, no more whole class parties. This year we are just inviting a few kids so it's easier to keep tabs on the guest list. And if one of them asks to bring a sibling it's ok, I generally try to be understanding because I have multiple kids too and no family around. But I hate when people just assume it's ok without asking.

Thanks. I was thinking that. I would be worried leaving a 5 year old. Not that she would miss me but in case she wandered off or anything

I’m with you on the majority of these but I think we’re in the minority.

I wouldn’t wait until 8. I’m happy for them to go younger but only if I know the family, been to their house (or can tell that it’s ok) and my child is happy to go without me.

when my child was younger I would pop in and have a cuppa with the parent and when they were settled would leave. BUT this is because my child was very shy and nervous so I wanted to make sure they were ok. That built confidence and tbh gradually they’d go alone.

so it’s led by the child too. But we’re all different!

Yes stay. The party hosts won’t be able to keep an eye on everyone and the staff aren’t responsible. She’s little to go alone - especially if she got lost, stuck or needed the toilet. The party host may not have time to leave the others to take her and you ma not want the dad to take her into the men’s

If your son is not there it will be easier to not bring her toddler. That way your four year old can have all of your attention. Have your toddler at the family party.

I think for me the issue is her telling you rather than asking? I find that rude.

I work Saturdays so dh would always ask if he could drop off the invited child as he had to to look after the others. He would then join the party when I got in from work and watch our kid. When they were very young often they just didn't get to go unless I could take the day off. This was due to them being too young to leave. As both older two are so close in age there is an overlap in their friendships and often parents would say to bring along ds or vice versa. In hindsight this might have been because they didn't want him to drop and run.

Is one kid really going to make much difference. Personally I wouldn’t care. I always assumed 2-3 siblings as some can only come if the sibling does

Just say no.

Definitely nip it in the bud. We stopped having home party's once a friend dropped both her kids off (only 1 was invited, we'd barely met her brother!) then they were 2 hours late collecting them and weren't answering their phones! Apparently they didn't realize the time and went shopping. Worst 2 hours ever thinking they must have been in an accident

I wouldn't expect to stay at a birthday party for a four year old... And definitely not a five year old. So next year anyone depositing siblings is a CF 😂.

Funny how it varies. The earliest drop and go parties here are Y2+. Absolutely no-one leaves EYFS and Y1 kids thankfully. I have no desire to look after 25 4 year olds on my own.

It’s a tricky one, as you can understand yourself. Are all the parents staying too? I would message back and say ok if you can watch him, but space will be tight.