RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

"Sorry, as it's a home party and we just don't have the space, even for a very little one 🫢 let me know if X can still come"

It wouldnt bother me, I wouldnt say anything to her about it. On the actual day some others may not be able to attend for one reason or another so even if you are tight on space it may not turn out as bad as you seem to be thinking. One small child really isn't going to make that much difference. It's a party, just go with the flow and have fun.
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To be fair OP I wouldn’t have thought to write ‘no siblings’ on an invitation to a house party either- you’d think it would be fairly obvious that space would be limited- it’s not like a village hall ( and even then I’d never assume it was ok for siblings to come- it’s still extra numbers for food!). I’d reply as PP have said to say it’s not possible space wise for the little one to come. If she takes offence at that, she’s not much of a friend!

I could never get worried about someone bringing a baby or toddler with them. Just say, you're welcome to bring them but we're tight on space so they may need to sit/play away from the main area where the party children are doing activities.

All parents need to make an effort to find others to help. What would you do in an emergency? I mean this kindly, I spent months trying to co-ordinate my youngest’s hospital care with my son’s school run. My neighbour helped, other mums on the school run helped. I was hospitalised myself unexpectedly for 1 week. I’ve ensured mine feel comfortable at other people’s homes without me always there. It isn’t healthy to parent in isolation and never go anywhere without your child.

Just tell her it's fine depending on space and you'll confirm if there's room for him when everyone has RSVPd

Tbh most kids parties do invite younger siblings, I never ever impose siblings regardless but they do generally welcome them. I get that yours isn’t softplay though so you have limited space. I’d just be honest and say that, you can only have a set number because of space. I guess if you allow one sibling, other parents may be miffed they couldn’t do the same.

If someone has childcare not available you need to decide what you want people to do:

1. bring sibling
2. drop and run - four year olds are a bit young for people to assume that’s okay
3. not come

Ypunger siblings don’t stop existing because a party invite happened so if you don’t have another parent/adult to watch them options are limited.

it’s a bit sad and selfish that you can’t accomodate a 2 year old when they clearly don’t have any childcare for them.

The reality of modern life is some parents don't have the luxury of two lots of childcare for the purposes of parties. In those incidences either

A) Their child misses out on parties (as well as the host child missing one of their friends attending)

B) They leave their child in the care of the party host whilst they care for other sibling

C) They attend party with both kids if host allows it

Rather than a hard no I would like to see a bit of wiggle room. Perhaps explain to your friend that as long as numbers are reasonable then sibling 2 can attend. However, if all invitees attend it won't be possible? I think that highlights your dilemma to your friend whilst being sympathetic to her situation.

Can you say, can I let you know nearer the time as we already have a full house and you are worried that everyone might ask to bring siblings as there simply won't be room if that happens and you might have to rethink the party. That you have to wait until youve had everyones replies. Then if it's just her that has asked and you have brought your 2.5 year old to her parties, message back and say, yes. If it turns out everyone can't come unless siblings are there too then you might have to rethink the venue and do something else entirely.

From experience, I have found that less people tend to attend parties at home compared to ones in eg soft play, so your numbers may be less than anticipated hopefully. I think you have to make space, as your friend has accommodated your child in the past.

A potentially bigger problem is the kids who are accompanied by both parents!

If you're already friends/friendly with the mom I'd be honest you're limited on space so you'll let her know when the rest of the RSVPs roll in. Is it an option for her to just drop the older one off?

For future, I would usually invite a few less. Ideal number for little ones is often only their age. Ie 4 year old party, invite 4-5 kids max. Too many is overwhelming at that age. plus keeps costs down and prep work.

Then you have more space for parent or siblings ( parents staying ideal imo as then you have help, and someone to chat with and it’s more social for you also).

I only have one child, but there’s really no family or friends I could drop him with. So for events he can’t attend, it simply means I can’t either ( if dh isn’t around). I mean I do have neighbours or his friends parents now he’s a bit older I could drop with in dire emergency like health issue, important meeting , but not for a kids birthday party. And at 2 years when they require a lot more hands on care I couldn’t have.

Plus if each has a parent staying then that's 33 people (36 if we include the OP and her kids). Whilst I could probably get that many people into my house it would be one hell of a squish (and I might have to stick a couple in the shoe cupboard). It'd also be near impossible to be able to give kids enough room to play games or craft in. It would be ok if they could go in the garden but that's not likely to be an option for the OP in November.

This is perfect.

That's not the OPs issue though. Is she suddenly meant to make her house larger for other people's childcare issues

Is it that hard to let a 2 year old of your friend come to your house??
honestly don’t over think it, the more the merrier. It will be fine.

Don't rule out someone popping up at some point and asking the OP if she could "just move to a bigger house".

"Based on current numbers, we haven't space for siblings, but if that changes, I'll let you know."

People are selfishly thoughtless, you're already offering to host her and one child, if everyone brought an extra, or the whole family it would be a nightmare!

I’m baffled that people think it would have been, or would be, a good idea for OP to state ‘no siblings’ on a party invitation when she herself sometimes has to ask to take her younger child to birthday parties (when presumably if she was told no and adults were expected to stay with their children, her daughter would have to miss out). As a host I’d have a lot less leniency for someone who had done that for their own child’s party than someone who’d welcomed mine when I needed it. This is an issue for a very finite amount of time and the consequences of being rigid and hypocritical about it are likely to be more far-reaching than the difficulties of squeezing in an extra two year old for the duration of the party.

"Hi Jane! Thanks for your RSVP, unfortunately we can't accommodate any siblings this time. Hope you can still come! Annie would love to have Susan there! You are welcome to drop and run if that's easier for you."

A party for a 4-year old? Madness. So unnecessary.

She's your friend and you've brought your other child to parties where they weren't on the invite. I'd let her come with her other children. I think in reality it's different if the person was a stranger and therefore you don't care about coming off cold. If she doesn't have childcare then she likely won't come to the party at all and would that be awkward given she's a friend? Plus she knows you've brought your other child as an extra to other parties. I think if you've done this then you really should return the favour to others. She might have come off as too familiar because you're friends and she assumed you'd be fine with it.

Do not feel bad, they are being cheeky, the assumption is no siblings unless you specify in my opinion!

I’ve been in the position of no childcare for two parties and both times I messaged well in advance explaining and asking politely if I could bring the toddler so my DD could attend, offered to pay for him where relevant etc. One parent said yes, one said no, both responses absolutely fine, why should they accommodate an extra child if they don’t want to or can’t? Parties were expensive!