RSVP to my 4 year old’s party told me they’re bringing 2yr old sibling

[Watchespaintdry]

We’re doing a 4th bday party at home for my daughter (money is tight hence at home), sent the invites out yesterday specifically addressed to the invited child and one of my friends has responded saying their daughter + 2yr old brother would love to come (she’s worded it to imply they don’t have childcare). So she’s telling me, not asking me, that the brother is coming too. I’ve been to parties before and always asked if if was ok to bring my 2.5yr old son too, due to lack of childcare, and these were soft play parties with no space issues, as it were. If they’d said no I couldn’t, I’d be totally cool and understand.

Thing is, I’m concerned about the space, and that this person will have 2 kids to watch. We’ve only got so much space around the dining table. She was the first to rsvp and now I’m worried other people are gonna bring siblings. I’ve got no problem with the brother, he’s cute and lovely and I love my friend and don’t want to upset her. I’ve invited 11 of my daughter’s friends (mixture of preschool and others) and confident they won’t all be able to come, given party statistics. Should I just suck it up and hope no one else brings siblings? This is the first party I’ve ever hosted.
My 2.5 yr old son will also be there (ofcourse).

Single parents I know ask another parent to bring them. I’m married and still do this if either my DH or I are away with our shared car. Then another time we help out.

Was there somewhere that I said she had to? Please point it out.

one extra toddler isn’t that much of a big deal. Just don’t say anything, not worth the effort.

I totally agree.

That just sounds so shitty and dismissive. I’d never send anything like that.

Just message her back - “sorry XXX, I’m afraid it’s no siblings as we haven’t got the space”

Dont be daft! Do you think single parents don’t have anyone else to have one of their children? Some might not, but most do have someone.

I’d wait until the rest of RSVPs come in before coming back to her on this. If 11 kids confirm they’re coming then yes say to this mum “sorry but the 2.5 year old can’t come”. If only 5 RSVP then just leave it, plenty of room and it’s not a big deal.

I think it’s a bit weird she didn’t ask just assumed but she’s probably exhausted and overwhelmed with a 4 and 2.5 year old, maybe admin and or politeness has been overlooked a bit in this instance.

I don’t know when this started to become a thing, when you invite someone, you put the persons name and not their siblings. I would reply saying unfortunately we do not have the space for siblings, but hope that ,…… can still come.

Yeah I know many people who don't have those kinds of childcare solutions for one reason or another

If I had to decline at all, this is how I’d do it- so much nicer then the other passive aggressive suggestions on here.

Take advantage

As you also have a younger sibling I'd go back with 'Great - can I ask you to help with x - encourage my x and your y to stick together as I think all the 4 year olds having fun together might be a bit much for them both'

Same. They may have some help, but they can't trouble someone just so their child can go to a party. Doesn't have to be a single parent either, couples who are both doctors and work nights and weekends, for example, would also be in this position.

What if you’d invited 11 children as the OP has and every one of those children came with a sibling - or more! That’s 22 children now. Presumably the op will have catered for 11 children, maybe done 11 party bags, maybe organised games and prizes for 11. Maybe she doesn’t live in a massive house and only has room for 11 children!!!

Based on your posts I'd reply with "let me get back to you about sibling coming once I've heard back from a few more people - we are so tight on space at home so need to watch our numbers unfortunately. Thanks a million".

Have you expected other people to pay for your 2.5 year old at soft play or have you just brought your 2.5year along and not expected them to go to the party at all so no cost to the parents running the party. That answers my question from my perspective. What is good enough for the goose etc. If you have had other people pay for your 2.5 year old then you are pretty CF for even asking this question.

What’s shitty is taking someone else to a party they haven’t been invited to.

Yes I was going to say the same thing!

If you end up having space it might even be good to have someone to play with your younger one.

The way she responded was rude but it might not play out badly and as you say you don’t want to burn bridges.

A holding response to say you may or may not have room as suggestion sounds good to me.

She’s a bit all over the place, very sweet and I know in her heart she would think “more the merrier” so I know she wouldn’t try to take advantage. We’re both in a similar boat, I guess, working out what to do as we go along as our kids are of similar ages

So maybe they could call on each other to look after the other sibling so they don’t have to be cheeky sods and gate crash parties they’ve not been invited to.

It's a bit of an impossible situation really. She has good reason to need to bring her two year old and you have good reason not to.
Speak to her and explain the space issue and ask if there are other alternatives. If not, there may be space once enough people have RSVPd and you can gauge it better.

No one has had to pay extra for the presence of my little one at a soft play party, I made sure of that

I’d maybe hang fire and see what other people RSVP say re siblings. As if you tell this one she can’t bring a sibling, but then all the others want to, you’ll have to tell them no as well. And like you say, you could end up with no one at the party.
If no one else wants to bring a sibling, and everyone else can attend just with their invited child, then you can tell this one “no space for siblings!” and if she doesn’t come at all, then fine, your daughter still has loads of friends there. In the same breath though, if she’s the only one who wants to bring a sibling, would that one extra make any difference?
Argh I don’t know, it’s a tough one. As you don’t want to alienate her and you want the kids there. I’d maybe just hang fire a bit to see what others say, and decide from there!

I think you just have to take it on the chin. One day you will need the favour repaying!

Still no reason to take an uninvited sibling along to a party. I’d say the only exception would be a babe in arms,