I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

Sorry that should have read I’ve had it OUT over a year now - I had it taken out September last year.

No more sex until he takes responsibility.

tell the selfish prick he either gets a vasectomy off you will not be having sex.

Having unprotected sex and just hoping for the best is insane.

Tell him to stop being twat and just get it done.

Easy, refuse him sex unless he uses a condom or gets the snip.

Could he finish elsewhere to avoid worry? E.g. a spare sock or nearby vase?

100% time for him to take responsibility for contraception for the next 15 years. Menopause will probably cover it after that. So, condoms for the foreseeable or a vasectomy.

Remind him that giving birth to three children out of a ‘sensitive area’ wasn’t exactly a walk in the park either!

Why wouldn't you consider getting sterlized?

Easy. Tell him that you’re not willing to put your mental health at risk any longer by using the pill or the coil, and you don’t want any more kids. So his choices are - no sex, or he takes responsibility for contraception by using condoms every time or getting a vasectomy

@Nightlight8 I absolutely would but isn’t it a much bigger surgery for a woman?

He's keeping his options open. You're not married, he's only mid 30s. I'd be really worried that he's envisioning a future with more DC with someone else.
He had no problem with you making life altering, painful decisions with your sensitive area did he?

I wouldn't be having sex with him unless he either used condoms or got the snip.

I don’t believe in forcing any man to have a vasectomy. The only person who should make a decision about any procedure on their body is that individual. and I say that as someone whose DH has had it,

However I would be categorically saying no condom, no sex. End of. Don’t want the snip, that’s fine, I respect that. But you’ll also respect me saying no condom, no sex

It is but you can have it done by keyhole surgery now. It stills requires a general anaesthetic though, whereas a vasectomy is done under local anaesthetic.

Or he leaves and finds someone else.

I always suspect men are reticent to get the snip because they want to keep options open in case having kids is a deal-breaker for a future partner

I understand him not wanting a vasectomy however he needs to take half of the responsibility for preventing pregnancy and not expect you to put all of the effort in...

He needs to use condoms and also both of you be willing to avoid intercourse during your most fertile times. You can track your fertility and buy kits but I would say do so in conjunction with condoms if you want to prevent pregnancy as obviously it isn't foolproof

He doesn't have to do it, but he won't get any more sex. That's the way bodily autonomy works.

If you're the one less fussed about sex then absolutely do not put yourself through sterilisation so he can have it!

He won't use condoms? Well, don't fuck that.

If he refuses to get a vasectomy, you can insist on condoms or no sex or get a tubal ligation. You're unwilling to risk your health with birth control and pregnancy. You might want to discuss a tubal with your GP or gynecologist since he won't take any responsibility for birth control but still wants sex. Is he coercive about sex?

I mean, technically it is his body and his decision. But you've done your part in regards to contraception for the past 15 years, it's about time he took responsibility and allowed your body a break.

I, like others, would be concerned that he is keeping his options open. Also, you say partner, not husband. You've been together 15 years and have kids but aren't married? Again, a bit of a red flag unless this has been a joint decision.

His body, his choice.

I don't think anyone should be pressured into a vasectomy. I actually think his reasoning is fair.

However it's not on to refuse to use condoms too.

Have you explored every option? Diaphragm, tubal ligation?

why are you acting to the detriment of your mental health for him. do not have sex if he won't use condoms wtf am i reading.

I do not use contraception for the same reason and use condoms religiously. My DP wouldn't have it any other way.

Someone who love and cares about your wellbeing would put that first and foremost always. Birth control made me absolutely bonkers for years I really empathise as its really hard to get taken seriously and they just keep giving you more and more variations and its pure hell.

Please stop having sex with this man OP until he takes responsibility for his penis.

Don't drag your children around. Solve your dispute like adults and keep them out of it.

yes it is highly invasive. its not even remotely comparable.

but the solution is condoms, neither of you have to have surgery.

It's been described as legalised torture. Anything they keep you awake for but you need tramadol and valium for is not acceptable. A nurse advised me against the process.