I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

Basically this

Your opinions are stupid though. Half a man. Handmaiden nonsense.

I have two male friends who've had vasectomies and both said it was a simple procedure, they were "a bit sore" for a couple of days but that was all.

Both said it was nothing compared with what their wives had gone through in pregnancy and childbirth.

He’s absolutely reasonable to say no to a vasectomy as it’s his body and you being aggressive and forceful about it is verging on abusive you can’t tell someone what to do with their body. He is being equally abusive to you by refusing to wear a condom and putting you at risk of an unwanted pregnancy. The whole situation sounds very unhealthy.

YABU to expect to be able to pressure/emotionally blackmail someone into a permanent, lifechanging surgery like this because it's what you want them to do.

Condoms exist, if you no longer wish to take hormonal contraception that is your right to make that decision about your own body, which he needs to respect.

As a woman, I honestly couldn't be with someone that was trying to strongarm me into having surgery I didn't want, that's bordering on abusive behaviour and I hope he is able to access the right support to manage the relationship at this moment in time.

C'mon woman, take responsibility. At the very least you can insist he wears a condom. Meanwhile you're playing Russian roulette with pregnancy. No snip or condoms equals no sex. Simple.

I swear to god I’d have left my DH if he’d refused. It’s pathetic. I had terrible terrible times conceiving and birthing our children, it was one thing he could contribute to our complete family.

Pfft. That’s what oral is for.

no penis in vagina sex, just get him down there 😂

My guess is she tries to insist on condoms but this prince amongst men then pressures her into sex with no condoms.

2 sides here YABU trying to force him to do something he’s not comfortable with doesn’t matter his reasons it’s his body and he can do what he wants YANBU by saying no more sex unless he uses condoms

you have made the choice not to use contraception doesn’t matter the reasons it’s your body and your choice what you put in it and what you do with it. So he should also have the choice to decide what he wants to do with his body.

your options are insist on condoms from now everytime he wants sex, go back on contraception or be sterilised yourself

Apologies, I fell into the MN 'you're a man' silliness.

I still think it's very wrong to say snipped mem are half of what they were.

My DH took responsibility when our family was complete.
very attractive thing to do imo.

he rode his bike to work later the same week too, so really, it’s not necessarily such a big deal! Tell your husband and to try pushing a melon out of one of his orifices!

He's not obliged to sterilise himself. It's his body.

But if he won't use condoms, then the only way to ensure you don't get pregnant is to abstain, so that's what you'll have to do.

This is very simple.

Your body, your choice. His body, his choice. No sex until it's sorted. Couldn't be more straightforward really.

Half a man? What on earth? So are women who are infertile 'half a woman'?

My husband had one when DD was 6 months old - I didn’t need to strong arm him, as he’s an adult, appreciated that I didn’t want to take hormonal contraception, and took responsibility for our fertility.

He’a not “half a man”.. that’s a laughable comment. He’s a fantastic man, and fully functioning.

…also the surgery was a piece of cake.

To some extent I agree. No one should have sex they don't want.

However, I couldn't have a sexless relationship. A woman's entitled to leave her husband if there's no hope of sex ever again, and vice versa.

She doesn't owe him a relationship, if she only wants a relationship with a sterilised male then that is her choice. If he wants to be in a relationship with her he will need to get the snip. The DCs go with the primary caregiver, which presumably is the OP.

Happens a lot, I'm used to it. Apologies accepted.

I didn't come on this thread to ruffle feathers, but it looks like I failed.

Have a nice evening, ladies and I hope the OP can resolve this issue calmly and safely.

Agree

🤨 Really? Is that all you can offer? A woman being sterilised is much bigger operation than a vasectomy.

He can refuse to have a vasectomy. You can refuse sex you don't want and to take responsibility for contraception. What does he think will happen if you get pregnant? Will he expect you to terminate?

I couldn't be with a man that refused to use condoms or have a vasectomy after I'd taken care of contraception for years.

I take it you're a man.

It's a much bigger operation than a vasectomy!
It's time for him to step up

If you're regularly being called a man, perhaps you ought to reflect upon and work on your attitudes towards fellow women.