I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

So am I half a woman because I have had my tubes tied?

No, I just have opinions. If you don't want them, tell me and I'll get off the thread.

So you’ve put your body through multiple pregnancies and births and he can’t handle a quick 15 minute procedure followed by resting up on the sofa.

The fact that contraception has played so awfully with your mental health yet he won’t do this is really sad and shows such lack of respect for you as his partner.

I don’t understand why you have left. Surely the answer is simply you say “no” to sex until he has the snip, particularly as you say you’re not that fussed about it?

Bye then

I suspect @YorkshireGoldDrinker is a man who had a vasectomy and they inadvertently removed his brain at the same time, so he really is only half a man. (That's assuming there was a brain there before though. Hmm. Maybe not? 🤔)

What the actual F?! A vase? Jeez. 🤢

Why should a woman go through major surgery versus a man going through minor surgery!!

Moving out with kids seems a drastic disruption to their lives.

Zero intimacy would seem to me to be the more reasonable first step.

He’s got off scot free because you have allowed him to.

I think neither a man or woman should be pressured to do a procedure. However I think your main problem is doing the deed without protection. That is where the line should be drawn not the procedure. He wants to do the deed he needs to wrap his third leg.

YABU to pressure him to alter his body.

YANBU to refuse sex until he uses condoms.

I deffo wouldn't be having sex with him! Why should you worry each month!

A beaker?

I sort of agree with you.

Are you a man, though? The 'half a man' phrase is suspicious.

My DH was similar. Baby number 3 was his motivation to finally book an appointment!

Of course getting the snip or using contraceptives is a choice. Men can make that choice as long as they are aware and accept that they aren’t entitled to sex and making those decisions may mean that women make the choice not to have sex with them because they are also entitled to not be sterilised and not use contraceptives.

The problem is, men often don’t respect women’s choices to either not be sterilised, not use hormonal contraceptives and not have sex.

Or scare him and say you're pregnant

I’m sorry but he’s keeping his options open for the future incase he meets someone else and they want kids. That’s the only answer. You decided as a family not to have any more kids, you’ve been on contraception over 20 years I’m guessing, had 2 kids plus all the hormones that comes with them. You’ve done your time now it’s his. If he won’t get the snip then it’s condoms or no sex.

If he's refusing to use condoms then you can't have sex. End of.

Erm so he won’t use condoms and won’t have the snip? So he’s happy to risk you getting pregnant (and whatever that puts your body through, including a whole baby being pushed out of your “sensitive area”).

I’d never have sex with this man again.

Search for 'Pregnant with first baby' on the 'Pregnancy' board, put my username in to help narrow the search and you'll find out 🙂

My little baby boy is kicking me right now 😊

I apologise if my opinions are abrasive to some, but they are just that, opinions. They can easily be discarded.

You have no right to pressure someone else into making a decision about their boat that they clearly aren’t comfortable with. It’s worth when me do it to women and it’s wrong when women do it to men.

You don’t have to have sex with him.

What a load of shite you sprouting. My DH was literally skipping to the doctors for his vasectomy after our second. There was no pain. Never regretted it and I can assure you he is stillvery much a full man 😉

Telling a woman her husband will cheat if she doesn’t have sex with him isn’t an 'opinion', it’s spite and based on the idea that a woman is somehow duty bound to have sex with her husband