I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

It's not fair to say that the only reason a man wouldn't want a vasectomy is to keep his options open with future partners, or being scared of the operation. There are other reasons some men don't want a vasectomy. It reduces the amount of ejaculate, so the sensation of orgasm can feel different. For some men this is significant. Others may have health concerns; there has been some research suggesting increased risk of prostate cancer, though the current expert consensus seems to be this is not causal.
I make no comment about this couple's choices, but keep an open mind about why men might not want to make this choice.

Well i offered to take it as for my wife it's a huge operation but hell first local injecting directly into the testicle was wow and then you know it's gonna happen again for the other. Bit I was in and out in 30 mins rather than a historectomy which is done under a general and a much bigger procedure. But you are being very pushy and to hard on him

Hiya
Just to say i went through this with my ex only difference is it was me that wanted it done, she has 3 children when we met who I happily took on then we had a boy and a girl together (my only biological) but doesn't matter there all my kids and i love them all equally thankfully there all very much my best friends now........ im very blessed 🙌
Your fella is acting like most men unfortunately lol alot of men believe they become less of a man 🙄🙄
My ex used to be a nightmare on the pill, I hated condoms (passion killers) for the lady its a much bigger procedure and recovery for the man 15mins lol it doesn't hurt at all not 1 bit and the recovery is 3 days 😂 it was the best thing ive done (apart from my motorbike test lol) I really didn't want anymore kids and the lady has to go through childbirth you think that doesn't hurt 😂😂😂 tell him to man up 😂😂😂

Yeah, that was my (EX) husband back when we had 2 kids. I accidentally got pregs (I'd asked him prior to this to please get clipped and he refused. Like you, I couldn't care less if I never had sex again. I was about to schedule myself for a tubal and maybe leave him with the kids while I went on a vacation to recuperate) The pregnancy was TWINS. After our number of kids kids doublednew car to hold everybody, babysitters, preschool costs, addition to the house as we needed another bedroom, college costs doubledhe had to forget about early retirement. He wasted NO time after that getting the vasectomy.

Agreed. It's how I got pregnant last year

Not reliable. You can get pregnant from pre ejaculate fluid.

She's DONE her part. And a vasectomy is less invasive than a tubal.

@DivorcedAndDelighted A vasectomy does not reduce the amount of ejaculate- that's a myth.

Please, not the Ming vase!

I can't believe you're still having sex with him. Baffling.

Does he want another baby? Because theoretically you are tryiing?
The withdrawal method is not a method.
I wouldn't be able to cope with this scenario and you have to think what if you were to become pregnant?What then my husband had his done while I took the kids to the park.
I'm sorry I think he's being very selfish. Especially not even using condoms 😬😬

I was sterilised when I was 34 it was a little keyhole op with a tiny scar less than an inch. Absolutely no hassle.

It's a keyhole procedure with a local anaesthetic and barely any discomfort. Bit sore afterwards for a few days.

"Life-changing decision"? Yes, that's kind of the point...

Maybe he doesn't fully understand how it works? Before I had it (20 years ago) I don't think I really knew there was no change in sexual function until I looked it up.

I’m literally in the same boat. Only I haven’t left! He won’t have it makes excuses and moans about condoms. I literally birthed 2 kids and he can’t even have this small procedure.

He sounds absolutely revolting, disrespectful and is using you like a piece of meat.

I’d refuse all sex until the vasectomy is done and he’s had the test to confirm it works or until he uses condoms. In all honesty though I don’t think I could be with a man who refuses to use condoms or who speaks to me like that.

I would just get sterilised, I know its more to recover from but forcing him to do this sounds like it will ruin your relationship.

If you had read all OP's posts, you would see all the different types of contraception she has used and the negative impact on her body and mental health.She's also given birth to two children.

The reason that she is telling her husband to have a vasectomy is because he refuses to use condoms but he also insists on having sex. She isn't bothered about having sex with him (and who can blame her?) but he insists on having sex and wants to ejaculate inside her, meaning that every month she worries about being pregnant again.

If you think that OP should be the one to go through another (more invasive) medical procedure while once again her shitty, selfish husband gets his own way again, you are as bad as he is.

My solution is for him not to have the vasectomy and for OP to dump the selfish arsehole.

I had it. Totally my choice. Key hole. In and out of hospital in about 6 hours.
nurses came and took my 3 stitches out 5 days later …..

This is interesting @Mrsnothingthanks - I stated this based on what a couple of men and a woman (from different couples) had told me after vasectomy, so thank you for the reminder that anecdotes are not the same as research! After your comment I had a quick google and found plenty online asserting that there is no significant change overall, as only the sperm should be absent. However, I suppose like so much, it depends on the individual. Some sources say that ejaculate volume can decrease up to 10% for certain individuals, though for most it won't be anywhere near that much.

The woman I spoke to about this said that she much preferred sex after her husband had a vasectomy, as it was less messy. My own partner is evangelical about vasectomy but does say the volume change was notable for him. He had it done before we got together, so I cannot comment.
Although my background is in health research, I am wary of absolute assertions about what people experience in most situations because people vary so much. After having a cervical biopsy, I read in a medical textbook that it was not necessary to give local anaesthetic during such procedures because women couldn't generally feel much in the cervix. I was glad that my own doctor had not followed this policy as I found it excruciating just having the anaesthetic injection into the cervix!!