I want him to have a vasectomy

[AtomicSugababe]

Been with my partner 15 years, 2 kids. I’m late 30s and he’s 3 years younger.

I’m pretty sure all my sexually active life that contraception has caused anxiety and depression issues. I also had PND with our youngest. I was so poorly last year mentally and I’m sure the coil contributed. I’ve had it over a year now and I feel myself again, no moods, no depression, just normal me. He says he doesn’t want any more kids, and I don’t. Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Ive been nagging and nagging him to get the snip. He replies with it’s a life changing decision, it’s painful and in a sensitive area! It’s not like a haircut.

I’m that fucking pissed off with him I’ve taken the kids and gone to my mums. Told him I’ll be back if he books a GP appointment. If he doesn’t then he’s putting himself first. It’s him who wants sex I wouldn’t be arsed if I didn’t have it again most of the time!

AIBU?

Coil?

It's statisically safer than any other contraception. I never got on with the pill, it did make me depressed. Coil is great for my mental health, tho as I was advised by the excellent sexual health doctor, it's different for everyone else.

Also got rid of my periods, winner, winner...

Bonkers having unprotected sex. It's roulette with pregnancy.

I would refuse to have sex without condoms.

I don't think it's right you've gone and took the kids and not returning until he agrees to have a procedure he isn't sure he wants. Yes it shouldn't be all falling to you and the options should be 1. Condoms 2. Vasectomy or 3. Abstinence, his choice and he has to pick as nothing else is on the table as you've done it for 15 years and you aren't doing it anymore for the sake of your mental health and just as his body is his choice, your body is your choice.

So just tell him. He's responsible for contraception now, for the next 15 years. If you're not comfortable with his proposed method(s) you won't be having intercourse. Don't let yourself be coerced.

Currently not on any contraception, he won’t use condoms so each month I’m anxious as hell until my period comes.

Why are you having unprotected sex when neither of you want more kids? Surely you can't enjoy it knowing the risk you're taking?

You've had plenty of intervention with your bits, only fair he takes his turn

Was going to say this exact same thing.

I believe in bodily autonomy so I don't think you get to dictate what he does with his body. If he doesn't want the op, then that's entirely his prerogative.

That said, he also doesn't get to demand sex. You can refuse for any reason you like, or you can make it a condition that he sorts appropriate contraception etc.

His body, his choice, surely? Women insist on that mantra with ending pregnancy, so men ought be able to choose whether or not they want to fire blanks and become half a man. It's a lot easier if he just uses a condom.

There's always abstinence. If not, then he'll look for what he wants elsewhere.

YANBU

Stick to your guns. No sex until he’s had the snip.

“Become half a man” - what a moronic thing to say.

And if he would “look elsewhere” to have unprotected sex with a random rather than wear a condom she is better off without him.

He won’t use a condom? So you’re having unprotected sex. Stop doing that.

His body, his choice.

However, it is your body and your choice that hormonal contraceptive doesn’t work for you. It is a joint decision that you have no more kids.

So his options are get the snip or grow up and wear a condom. If he doesn’t want an operation on a sensitive area, he is perfectly within his rights to say no but then he should wear a condom. Or no sex. It comes down to how he views you, you can experience all the inconvenience (hormonal birth control that makes you ill, childbirth, and the anxiety of getting pregnant to make sure he’s still getting sex) and he can’t be marginally uncomfortable wearing a condom in sex. I would suggest no sex is the best option because clearly he doesn’t give a shit about you and your comfort and I don’t think you should be having sex with someone like that.

Sex without protection is trying for a baby. Having another baby is a massive life decision and the risks to your body and 'sensitive areas' are huge.

He is basically saying it's OK to risk your health (mental and physical) so he can avoid a simple day procedure. Forget condom sex, if it were me I wouldn't sleep with him at all.

Ick.

Another vote for condoms. Why won’t he use them? What would actually happen if you did fall pregnant? Seriously? If you’re 100% done with kids and are in a good place after a difficult time, why put yourself in the position of an unwanted pregnancy/ unplanned child or termination. You’re playing a very risky game. You can’t make him get the snip but you can choose not to have unprotected sex.

@YorkshireGoldDrinker become half a man!? So are women that are infertile or gone through menopause half a woman?

His body, his choice. That being said if he doesn’t have an alternative then I guess sex is off the menu.

A vasectomy is truly a nothing procedure. My husband had one and it took no time at all. Completely pales in comparison to childbirth.

It’s completely reasonable to want this, but forcing him isn’t right. His body, his choice. I don’t think it’s ever a decision that a person should feel pressured into. There are other birth control methods. Speak to your doctor and see how you can proceed.

I think you should have left him with the dc, so he can think very clearly about what life will be like when he has them 50:50

I hear all the arguments on bodily autonomy but I’m so very glad I married a man who stepped up when we were sure that our family so that I wouldn’t have to continue to use contraception that was impacting my health.

It wasn’t painful (they invented anaesthetics) and afterwards dh took two paracetamol before bed, and that was it. The worst part was trying to get a sperm sample into the tiny jar they supplied 🤣

I wouldn’t have sex with someone who was so blasé about my health and well being. It’s not about manipulation: it’s about having standards.

Why would he be half a man? A vasectomy isn't the removal of the entire lower body you know.

Being infertile or menopausal isn't a choice. Getting the snip or using contraceptives are a choice. If he doesn't want to get the snip, that choice should be respected.

Mine wouldn’t have one either. So so so selfish given the amount of picking and prodding I’ve had plus 2 C sections and 4 miscarriages and an abortion. He’s got off Scot free.
Once again we carry the burden.

Wow. You're a piece of work aren't you.

My friend, you know the answer.
Go back to your home and just tell him no sex until he takes responsibility for contraception. He can pick what he wants to do but it’s now up to him to deal with it.

So stop shagging him then unless he either uses a condom or gets the snip.

If he's not going to sort contraception, then you'll have to, and in the absence of any other option, you'll have to choose abstinance.