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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not wanting to spend another Christmas Day with his batshit family?

229 replies

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:39

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

OP posts:
OneOpalScroller · 09/11/2025 14:42

Wow! No I would not be going, I’d rather spend Christmas alone. Any reason why you can’t see your family op?

ChaToilLeam · 09/11/2025 14:44

No way would I go, and if your DP thinks his family's behaviour is reasonable and normal, I'd be rethinking the relationship. What a zoo!

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 09/11/2025 14:44

Absolutely not. Have a normal Christmas at home.

FOJN · 09/11/2025 14:44

If you can detach enough you could go for the entertainment. If it's all a bit much you could stay at home, you'd be alone but it would be peaceful and you could please yourself. I'd be asking myself why a Christmas alone seemed worse than a Christmas in that mad house. Treat yourself to peace and quiet rather than viewing a Christmas alone as sad.

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 09/11/2025 14:45

Can you go to your parents'?

Evaka · 09/11/2025 14:46

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AngelsuseAlgorithms · 09/11/2025 14:47

Honestly I know it's a leap but I'd be rethinking the relationship if I were you. The fact he thinks this level of abuse and bad behaviour is normal would be a big red flag for me. He expects you to just accept it as normal, it really isn't.

Consider it a visit from the Ghost of Christmas yet to come!

Imagine if you brought children into this mess 😮

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:47

My family always go to the states at Christmas unfortunately

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 09/11/2025 14:47

What did you do before meeting dp, if you've only spent one Christmas together?

Just do that.

I'd be having a longer think about whether you want these loons to be your in-laws for the rest of your life/grandparents of any future kids you may have, let alone worrying about dp if he thinks any of that is normal

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:48

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I wish it was, if anything I’ve watered it down

OP posts:
Womanofcustard · 09/11/2025 14:48

Sounds entertaining. Can you secretly record it?

Catonacoldfridgefreezer · 09/11/2025 14:48

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Me too! 😄

Mewling · 09/11/2025 14:52

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huuskymam · 09/11/2025 14:52

I'd rather spend the day alone and relaxing than watch people get drunk, argue and throw things around. Absolutely not a normal christmas for me, my family or any of my in laws.

nomas · 09/11/2025 14:54

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:48

I wish it was, if anything I’ve watered it down

.

nomas · 09/11/2025 14:55

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:47

My family always go to the states at Christmas unfortunately

Can you go with them?

Fiftyandme · 09/11/2025 14:55

And I though my family (whom I’ve not seen in a decade) was utterly batshit….

Balloonhearts · 09/11/2025 14:56

Do you really want to be tied to these people for the rest of your life? I mean, Christ, imagine the wedding if you got married! Your DP thinks this behaviour is acceptable, do you seriously want kids raised by him?

Misla · 09/11/2025 14:57

Not only would I not be going, I would be seriously thinking about my DP thinking it's fine, and what it says about him and his upbringing, and how he might be in the future if we had a family.

Joeylove88 · 09/11/2025 14:57

Is there a reason you cant just go to the states with your family? Theres no way id be spending my Christmas with all of them ot sounds awful so id rather just chill out by myself and make a nice day of it.

Gallowayan · 09/11/2025 14:57

Why not go to them on new years eve instead. 🤣

Morningsleepin · 09/11/2025 14:58

Made up or true life, you have a real talent for writing, OP. If you don't do it for a living you should

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/11/2025 14:58

Say no now because I'd never let children face that experience. WTF!

LeilaLandi · 09/11/2025 15:00

Wow. They are taking dysfunctional to a whole new level!!

Thing is, this will be his ‘normal’ and that’s going to be hard to deal with long term. Been there done that to a much lesser degree.

Can you go and leave early. Or go and update this thread if there’s a repeat performance. It may have been a really bad year last year, you never know 😂

PlacidPenelope · 09/11/2025 15:00

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This.

Seriously OP?