For not wanting to spend another Christmas Day with his batshit family?

[MsCrowly]

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

No one in their right mind woud spend Christmas with this family. Do not do it. Do not start to normalise and join in with their dysfunction. Good luck with your relationship but dont think you have to accept someone’s family just because you love them. Boundaries.

This. I'd go to Alaska to be as far away as possible from that family.

Oh dear. I’m sorry but that’s the funniest post ever. I know it must have felt awful and I”m sorry for laughing but that’s mad and OP, your delivery of the account was excellent. But no , don’t go . Have yourself a merry little Christmas at home. No one would put up with that. YANBU!

very Rab C Nesbitt-lol, are they Scottish!! It would be a firm no from me , I like fun , I don’t like chaotic or Eastenders type drama

Except that it isnt. Not even close.

I had an inkling (from experience - DP's family is from a similar background, and when drunk they can get rowdy, though not as bad as this!). It sounds like they don't handle alcohol well, which makes sense if Christmas day is their sole indulgence.

I'd be tempted to treat it as a research trip, diligently recording as per the gif each incidence of batshittery and every insult, to later turn into a tragicomic play. May as well get something good out of it?? (Of course, if you'd rather have peace and sanity this year, that is also valid. But I don't think I'd be able to resist, on pure fascination alone.)

Honestly they’re so nice normally I’ve even questioned myself whether I’m making it up! It seems so out of character. If they were rough as a box of arseholes normally that would be one thing but they’re really well to do people, it’s baffling

It's all fake, a carefully curated mask. They're naice and all do good deeds so they look good to others. Don't gaslight yourself, you know what you experienced - the true them.

The mother was so fed up of being left to deal with her drunken husband's vomit that she tried to rub it in his face, like house training a dog. That's not a once a year occurrence to make her snap like that. Alcohol keeps, she could have saved it for this Christmas, she wanted it out of the house to avoid temptation. She'd rather be getting shot at ("join the army") than having to deal with the binge drinking and resultant behaviour. Did she marry for money/lifestyle? The army also puts a roof over ones head and provides everything a person needs. She thinks she chose wrong.

The father has an attitude problem and is a power mad bully, as well as having an alcohol problem. The "young people are cowards" type comments were barbed passive aggressive digs at his DC.

The sister hates everyone. Does she live there? Is she jealous her brother has escaped from that and has a relationship?

Your DP has experienced this awfulness so often that he's completely immune to it, except for joining in and getting drunk to escape the hellishness situation (abandoning you in the process) and behaving weirdly passive aggressive himself (his mother will have to clean those walls).

They're dysfunctional AF under the veneer of civility OP. Including your DP.

Only read OP and just have one question.

Why are you still with this imbecile?

This. Sorry OP but it did make me chuckle. I've known some pissed up Christmases nudging dangerously close to fisty cuffs (thanks Uncle Mervyn) but this is real wild west stuff. If there is a next time, please film it.

Well it’s pretty much the same vibe is what I mean.

Yes, they shop at Waitrose and M&S and vote conservative
hang on, they’re tories? Oh brilliant!

I can’t her past this: “DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.” How long have you been together? They all sound dysfunctional AF.

Have you got trainers? Put them on, and run away. Don’t get embroiled, for fuck sake don’t have his kids. You’ve asked is it normal - not overly, no. It’s not healthy though, and that’s more of a concern.

Exactly.

OP, years from now when you're back on here dismayed at his behaviour during divorce and people are asking you why you even married this loser never mind had DC with him and saying surely there must have been signs... THIS is what they're talking about. This is the sign.

Agree a time limit, of say two hours. I’d be interested to go just to see if they do it again or if it was a true one off. If they do it again I’d consider dumping your partner. You don’t marry the man you marry his family too and if you plan to have children it sounds doubly toxic for them to be around.

weird i only drunk a couple times a year but dont go round sxreaming and throwing sick

why did u not question your partners role in this

This.

Entirely.

Christ almighty, get out
ASAP.

Misunderstood. Apologies, just getting sick of the bloody troll hunters! I am sorry.

They are the dregs OP.
Why have you remained with their son is the question.
Smearing chocolates into the wall?
Really?

@Tofufuton yeah i'm well up for an invite for research purposes! 🤣🤣

I wonder how they would be at the wedding if OP and partner got married?

Spend it alone as millions of people do

Really? That’s very interesting 🤨

Haven't RTFT.

Distracted by "squashing chocolates into walls" and winding how that works. I'm guessing you have to remove the foil at least partially fire that to work - you mentioned Quality Street. Marzipan fruits might work better tbh.

Good shout.