For not wanting to spend another Christmas Day with his batshit family?

[MsCrowly]

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

😂photos (even better a video) or it didn’t happen 😂😂

I'd definitely want to stay at home (or book into a Youth Hostel! We accidentally did this one year for a cheap Christmas Eve before seeing parents and it was full of lovely people avoiding mad families, and all planning lunch and a stunningly beautiful walk for the next day.)

However, you could take one for the team and go, so that we can read all about it!!
(Have they reverted to normal all year, or have you been avoiding them ever since?)

Can you see a future in the relationship if you don't want to spend time with his family? I don't blame you, but you do need to reconsider this, especially if he is prepared to leave you alone on Christmas Day.

Can you have lunch at home together, but pop in there for an hour first thing in the morning, before they get too drunk?

DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Out of curiosity has he explained this particular bit? Tbh though, I agree with pp and I would rethink my relationship especially if I was wanting children. This is how he was raised, this is how he thinks, this is how he will raise his own children. You really want that?

Wow! There’s no way I’d be there. That’s not how normal people behave. I’d sooner spend the day alone. But as a compromise can your DP come to yours for the morning before he joins the chaos with his family?

It must have been a bit of a shock, but 10/10 to you for a brilliant write-up 👌
"Furiously watching Grease" 🤣🤣

Are they alcoholics? Do you see them socially at other times and is this level of drinking normal for them / your DP?

I mean either way I wouldn’t go and I’d be telling my DP clearly that being around drunk, screaming people is not my idea of a good time, ever. He may not realise how off the rails this is if this is how he’s grown up, and this level of drinking is normal to him. It needs a serious word.

Have a nice quiet Christmas on your own, take yourself away or find some friends to go to.

Doubtful that it happened. But your boyfriend also joined in and you’re still with him so you are ok with his behaviour, presumably?

Why not, you’ll b able to record it all & show them/us the pix? 🤪

Me too 🤣🤣

Go with them

My exes family were like that. I never spent more than an hour there..
When mil died of cancer fil was found having fallen and bled to death. Alcoholic.... A Christmas alone will give you time to imagine adding a dc to that...
Then run for them there hills.

You had me at “so was fucking Judas”… this is a wildlife documentary viewing. Amazing.
Go, don’t go, but if you do go this year please come back and update.

I don't think this is made up.
" I was invited!"
" So was fucking Judas!" is one of the best exchanges I've heard in my life.
Of course you shouldn't go.
If you eventually marry your DP, do it abroad,secretly, or your wedding will make the evening news.

If this was an episode of a sitcom, it might be hysterically, but sounds appalling and horrifying in real life. That would be an iron clad hard NO from me. Fuck that shit!

If he’s determined to go, let him go alone and buy yourself a box of those launched chocs and a romcom to keep you company

This! Why on earth are you still with him, let alone contemplating another Christmas with his family?

🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ wish you a Christmas like that, you’d fit in nicely

My ex’s family were like that too! Everyone was shitfaced by 2pm and spent the whole day doing stupid stuff and arguing! It was a nightmare and so stressful!

Sounds like an episode of Mrs Brown’s boys!

Even their dcat was named after a brand of beer...
Never saw mil without a wine glass.

If he really wants you to repeat the experience, he is one seriously, deeply enmeshed bloke. If he thinks this is normal, I hesitate to think what else will come up that he thinks is normal.

If you continue with this relationship, you will need to draw firm boundaries and you will be the one to do all the work of keeping those boundaries strong.

Sounds like a Jordan Peele film. You should explain to your DP that it can’t be tolerated.

As PP's have said, this is way bigger than Xmas.

Can you imagine taking your kids there on the day to see Granny and Grandpa and Aunty Sue?

That he cannot see that this isnt normal is really worrying because it means that what his parents do is what he will do. Get utterly shitfaced, scream, shout and ruin your kids Xmas's. This is not a relationship you should be in.

And before you say "yes but every other day of the year he is/they are great" well lovely (although actually they probably aren't its just that you are not there to see the other batshit stuff), but if I gave you a dinner with just a tiny bit of dog shit in it, would you eat it?

Ooh please go, record it all and post on here🤣

But seriously I’d be thinking twice about any future with this man and his insane family

I would much rather spend Christmas Day on my own than tolerate this! Once would have been enough OP, there's something wrong with these people. Does your DP's upbringing not have any impact on who he is as a person? I'd be struggling not to see red flags, personally - especially if he's someone who squashes chocolates into walls when he's pissed...