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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not wanting to spend another Christmas Day with his batshit family?

229 replies

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:39

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

OP posts:
Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 09/11/2025 19:04

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 17:43

Other stuff that happened -

mother and father getting into a seriously heated argument about whether Cliff Richard was gay or not

DP getting sister in a headlock as she came out of the bathroom, her reacting by whacking him in the balls - mother complaining about them fighting near her new picture (as if it would be fine anywhere else)

father complaining that the sprouts were rock hard (they were) and mother grabbing a load and throwing them at him

The argument over Grease - apparently sister watches it every Christmas but nobody else wants to, this is a yearly argument apparently DP likes to watch Star Wars

An old man walking past the living room window and peering in - mother shouts “cunt” for no reason at all, sister jumps up to see who it was and knocks a drink flying, mother starts screaming about the carpet, sister starts screaming about the chocolate on the walls and how nobody cares about that. Another argument about the new picture … I could go on all day. I actually wrote it all down when I got home so I could tell my friends the details!

He never mentioned the chocolate, I asked why he did it and he laughed saying he couldn’t remember doing it.

Absolutely crying over someone disputing Riff Pilchards (homo-) sexuality lol

Even the word ‘headlock’ ends me lol
complete with knuckle shuffle on the top of the noggin?

LokiDoki75 · 09/11/2025 19:05

It’s like a weird festive version of The Purge!

UnemployedNotRetired · 09/11/2025 19:07

Sounds fun to me ...

MatchaMatchaMatcha · 09/11/2025 19:13

If you do go back op...could you live stream it?

Rachie1973 · 09/11/2025 19:15

I know I shouldn’t be laughing and I probably wouldn’t if it was my life.

You just need a drunk granny in the corner to finish it

WalkDontWalk · 09/11/2025 19:19

If you're planning a life with him, no. Set the precedent that you don't do Christmas with his family.

If he's a temporary thing, yes. It's just too good to miss and, unless you have a much better offer for Christmas Day, I can't see how you can resist.

londongirl12 · 09/11/2025 19:24

How far away do they live? Maybe give it another chance but say to DP that if the same shit happens this year, then you’ll be leaving. Or just sit there and watch, at least you’re not involved in any of the drama 🤣

Thatsmellsgood · 09/11/2025 19:28

Anyusernamewilldo8963 · 09/11/2025 18:17

I'm another one that's thinking this is made up surely lmao are you secretly a script writer and trying to get a new Christmas movie made and seeing if it gets much response before you take it to the movie execs 😂 on the one hand I'd absolutely go but stay sober(ish(i mean you'd have to have some alcohol you couldn't be stone cold sober!)) And then start a new thread on Christmas day with live updates!! I mean you can dine out on these stories for years (and get videos cos no one will believe you!) But on the other hand if you genuinely feel like you could be attacked/hurt by a stray flying sprout then I had a Christmas day alone pre kids and honestly it was brilliant! New pj's, chocolate, alcohol and full control of the tv remote, I had a blast! Just make sure DP packs his toothbrush and stays overnight with his parents rather than coming home drunk as a skunk and ruining your lovely day

It would make a brilliant sitcom wouldn’t it

cavalier · 09/11/2025 19:38

they sound feral 🫣

Cornflakegirl7 · 09/11/2025 20:42

outerspacepotato · 09/11/2025 18:59

It's Purgemas. That's their day to let loose and get that shit they've been repressing all year out.

Do they take Boxing Day literally?

Oh lord I miss the laughter emoticon!

I am not sure, with this OP. I think what I might do is invent a prior engagement and just join him for the last hour or so perhaps after a bottle of wine so I am more on the level

However, I would not do this if I felt in any way endangered? Did you?

But then I don't mind spending xmas alone really.How exactly did you feel while there?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/11/2025 20:52

Linenpickle · 09/11/2025 18:36

Your dh has one fucked up family.

Sounds like dp is no different. Just add alcohol...🤔

Cornflakegirl7 · 09/11/2025 20:57

I mean, I don't personally get drunk on cmas day although I do have a few wines, but I'd say it is relatively normal to get a bit drunk.

None of the other antics are normal though!

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 09/11/2025 21:27

My extended family are feral at times as are my XDH’s Spanish ( God fearing, culturally Catholic) family at big get togethers.
Its all forgotten the next day.
The kids all look back on the carnage as great stories they tell even now
I think it’s a class thing also lol as my threshold for ‘normal’ coming from
the lower eschalons is quite high !
Probably being a social worker now also helps lol

Timeforbubu · 09/11/2025 22:12

I proper laughed at "furiously watching Grease" 😆

Surely this family behave badly at other times of year too!

Edwinstarrihavefaithinyou · 09/11/2025 22:15

If that's Christmas..
Imagine the wedding if you marry the son.
🤣🤣🤣

reallywhatsnext · 09/11/2025 22:27

The Mum saying she should have joined the army has absolutely made my night 😂🤣😂🤣😂

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 09/11/2025 23:12

I’ll go with you if you want OP I have to see this. But absolutely no harm in having a cozy solo Xmas. I second the ask him not to come home Christmas night.

outerspacepotato · 09/11/2025 23:24

You should solve their movie argument by insisting on a compromise film, Army of Darkness with Bruce Campbell. Then you could dress up as Ash and just show up looking for the you know what and you heard this was a likely spot ...

CreamCheeseGhostToast · 09/11/2025 23:53

I think you should just go round blast "Oh Comely" by Neutral Milk Hotel really loud on repeat, grab a gin, and air your grievances.

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 10/11/2025 00:39

reallywhatsnext · 09/11/2025 22:27

The Mum saying she should have joined the army has absolutely made my night 😂🤣😂🤣😂

I coulda been a contendaaa Colin!!!!

thankgoditssaturday · 10/11/2025 03:36

I would go to the states. They sound like all the charity work is a front to cover up their private disharmony.

ilucgaiaw · 10/11/2025 10:48

a) Why didn't you get a taxi home? Who in their right mind would stay if those kinds of things were going on.
b) Why would you even consider going back? Can't have been as bad as you said it was if it's even entering your head to spend next Christmas there?
c) Why would you stay with this man and have to put up with this behaviour at family gatherings where people get drunk? It won't just be Christmas.

Something doesn't ring true here.

Snippit · 10/11/2025 12:03

Edwinstarrihavefaithinyou · 09/11/2025 22:15

If that's Christmas..
Imagine the wedding if you marry the son.
🤣🤣🤣

We buggered off to Vegas, due to his family being very similar. The thought of spending on a wedding for it to turn into a bun fight, I don’t think so 😝

BunnyLake · 11/11/2025 13:33

They sound unintentionally hilarious but no, I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas with them 😬

Crumbelina · 20/12/2025 20:58

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:39

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

Hi OP, I've been thinking about your thread and wondered if you'd made a decision about Christmas? Also, I'm really sorry to say this but your MIL shouting the c-word at the man (outside the window) lives rent free in my head. 😄

I should also say that I'm hosting Christmas Day with quite a few family 'characters' so you do have my sympathy!