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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not wanting to spend another Christmas Day with his batshit family?

229 replies

MsCrowly · 09/11/2025 14:39

When I first met DP’s family they seemed absolutely lovely, really really nice people. Charity work at the church, voluntary work at the local primary school, his dad cut the elderly neighbours grass throughout summer - I could go on but honestly they seemed like amazing people. So when Dp told me his mum had invited us around for Christmas dinner I happily accepted. On the run up to Christmas Day he told me his family were a bit wild at Christmas so be prepared but with what I knew about them I assumed he meant his dad had a few too many sherrys and tended to start singing Elvis or something!

No.

It was fucking awful. They were all drunk by time we got there at 12. His mother was ffing, blinding and cunting all over the place, his dad was watching world war 2 documentaries and screaming about how the kids of today would be too pussy to fight - when we first arrived his sister launched into a verbal attack saying it was just like him to turn up like a vulture when someone else was cooking 🫤 DP said we were invited so she screamed “so was fucking Judas”

over the course of the day his mother threw a glass of wine over his dads head, his sister continued picking arguments with everyone until she ultimately launched a tub of quality street across the room in rage, his dad started throwing up to which his mum got handfuls of it in kitchen roll and tried to smear it across his face - by the end of the day his mum was sat drunk in tears saying she wished she’d joined the army?!? His dad was passed out upstairs, his sister was sat furiously watching Grease screaming at everyone to stop talking and DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Couldn’t wait to get out - anyway he’s now asked if we can go this year considering how everyone enjoyed it so much last year, I was like “you joking? Everyone was arguing!!” and he got defensive saying it’s Christmas, people drink and get silly - all families do that. Mine don’t!!! A few drinks yeah but fighting and arguining? Nope

Thing is if I don’t go I’ll be alone Christmas Day - do I go or have a quiet (lonely?) one by myself? And AIBu to think this isn’t how normal families celebrate Christmas?

OP posts:
crazeekat · 09/11/2025 15:24

O no no no no no no no no no no no way do u go

TenaReef · 09/11/2025 15:24

@MsCrowly , Do what you like SIL, but a tub of quality street was a really shit present, and you didn't even thank me for the perfume I got you.

ruethewhirl · 09/11/2025 15:25

AutumnFroglets · 09/11/2025 15:02

DP was drunk and going around squashing chocolates into the walls.

Out of curiosity has he explained this particular bit? Tbh though, I agree with pp and I would rethink my relationship especially if I was wanting children. This is how he was raised, this is how he thinks, this is how he will raise his own children. You really want that?

Especially as his family will insist on seeing you at Christmas if you have kids, and then they'll be exposed to this behaviour as well!

honeylulu · 09/11/2025 15:26

Good God. I like a drink or three at Christmas myself but even so I would have been absolutely horrified. People being tipsy and having fun, fine. Vomiting and violence, not fun at all.

No way would I go again. Your partner indicates this is "normal" so presumably it would be similar or worse.

I'd rather spend Christmas alone or would volunteer at a shelter or similar.

SoftBalletShoes · 09/11/2025 15:27

I don't believe this.

Gustavo1 · 09/11/2025 15:28

That sounds utterly horrendous. It’s too awful to believe really!

I would definitely not go. I would much rather a quiet day at home with books, movies and chocolates than that batshit day.

I wouldn’t want to set any kind told president for spending time with them at all!

I get your DP is his own person but I would be worried if he felt behaviour like that was normal. Are they like that all family functions? Birthday parties? Weddings? Wakes?
I wouldn’t want anything to do with it. I have been split up by New Year’s Eve last year!!

PeonyBulb · 09/11/2025 15:29

Bloody hell it sounds like a Mike Film Grin with no redeeming features

run OP run

ruethewhirl · 09/11/2025 15:29

The more I think about this the more it's making me think of Philip Larkin:

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as quickly as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.

PeonyBulb · 09/11/2025 15:29

Mike Leigh Film

Glitchymn1 · 09/11/2025 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Same lol

Cucy · 09/11/2025 15:31

What did you do before you met your DP?

Surely you have a life outside of him?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 09/11/2025 15:31
Season 3 Drinking GIF by NETFLIX

Op, thank you for a fucking entertaining read 😭😭

I think yabu tbh, you should go and get really pissed and join in 😭 why not
(Assuming no kids ofc)

Edit, agree w pp, do not have this man's kids 😭

ruethewhirl · 09/11/2025 15:32

SoftBalletShoes · 09/11/2025 15:27

I don't believe this.

I do, for the exact reason I don't think anyone would make up something this outlandish and weirdly specific! I think even ChatGPT would flag up a plausibility query. 😄

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 09/11/2025 15:33

You need to write this script, I'd watch it!! Haven't laughed so much in ages and no, my family was slightly mad, but nothing on this scale!!!!!!!!!

Okiedokie123 · 09/11/2025 15:33

I would stay at home on your own if necessary. Get some lovely food and drinks in. Cook something delicious etc. Some lovely presents of your own choice and a wonderful box set/films to watch. Cosy blankets, craft activity, music, a meal, nibbles etc. Sounds rather wonderful to me - far far better than spending the day with your partners loopy relatives.

What are they like the rest of the year? Is he really someone you want to be spending many years with? If you have kids together etc - you'll be stuck with them as grandparents/aunts etc to your kids. It sounds horrific to me!

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 09/11/2025 15:35

Your wedding will be fun

just imagine it

now, having imagined it, run like fuck

purpleygrey · 09/11/2025 15:36

I would book myself into a really nice expensive spa hotel and spend it having the most relaxing time.

SomeoneSomewhereOnThisWorld · 09/11/2025 15:37

At minimum:
When you are in a partnership you take turns: one year his family, one year yours. One year turkey, one year lamb, .... , one year his sort of Christmas, one year your sort of Christmas. So last year you spent it with his batshit family, this year DP and you do something either travel with your family or start creating your own Christmas tradition! Possibly he can then start realising, that this is not normal!

And if he doesn't agree to that, get yourself a new DP for Christmas. Maybe you should anyway! A number of previous posters made very valid points about red flags, raising kids with these sort of IL ...

And noticed the sister didn't bring a partner ....

SpinningaCompass · 09/11/2025 15:37

I'd go to the states with your family if that's an option.

I'd also be seriously concerned that he thinks his family's Christmas is 'normal' and that he throws in by drinking himself into a state alongside them.

Crunchymum · 09/11/2025 15:38

Assuming this is for real, have you spent any time with them since?

MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/11/2025 15:38

Christ alive did they show no signs of this before Christmas? Surely the clues would have been there? 🤣🤣

I’d go just for the people watching/entertainment 🤣

IAmTheLogLady · 09/11/2025 15:38

I'm not sure if this is true.
I don't know how anyone could behave like this and not know it's completely out there on terms of fucked up behaviour.
If it is true the fact that do many people think its fake is one hell of a fucking warning sign. How does this bode for your future?
My inlaws pull this kind of toxic shit, they think I'm boring and judgmental because I don't behave like them.
Luckily DP doesn't excuse their behaviour.

GAJLY · 09/11/2025 15:40

That's definitely not normal and I would not want to go to that train wreck again. I'd rather stay home and eat pizza and ice cream. If your partner wants to go, then so be it but doesn't mean you have to.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/11/2025 15:40

For people not believing this … I once went to a party and a family behaved like this … maybe it was them! 😳

I was trying to make polite convo with the mum and commented on the unusual name that she has chosen for her daughter …. she replied that it was the name of an American stripper that had died 🤣🤣 …

pizzaHeart · 09/11/2025 15:40

ChaToilLeam · 09/11/2025 14:44

No way would I go, and if your DP thinks his family's behaviour is reasonable and normal, I'd be rethinking the relationship. What a zoo!

This ^
Families can have bad days (mine certainly did) but to say that this kind of thing is normal…
Please rethink really thoughtfully OP