AIBU to think this tutor has an attitude?

[SoCloseToNothing1981]

First time posting on here (long-time lurker). I'm not sure what I'm looking for here tbh, maybe just a hand-hold or just (brutally) honest opinions, but I'm just feeling a bit weird about a Zoom call I had with my DS' history tutor yesterday. I might be overreacting but it's just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Me and DH decided to get DS a tutor for GCSE History. He's in Year 11 and he's had a bit of a shit time with the course. When he was choosing his options in year 9, his history teacher did recommend that he do geography instead because his essay-writing and memory surrounding dates was not good (he did roughly the same in terms of achievement in both history and geography). The thing is he is interested in it, but he just can't remember key dates very well. The thing is he wants to do history at A Level. I feel bad for him because he likes the subject, but he's just not very good at it and obviously that's problematic if he is considering this subject as a potential academic or career pathway.

So we meet this tutor and he says in our initial meeting with him that tutoring is to complement ongoing revision. I don't agree with this because I view tutoring as teaching my DS how to revise. The tutor says that he likes to do a baseline assessment with the students so he can determine their areas they need work on, which again I found a bit overkill because why are you already testing DS when you haven't taught him how to revise yet?? We scheduled a lesson for later that week, but DS was running a little bit late as he'd woken up late so we only had 30 minutes of a lesson with the tutor (it's all done on Zoom). DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.

The tutoring has been going on for 2 months, and the tutor scheduled a Zoom call with me to basically tell me that we may want to reconsider choosing History as an A Level option. This really caught me off guard, and it came across as him telling me how to parent my child! He said that there are loads of issues regarding essay-writing and analysing sources and interpretations, and whilst he is totally happy to support DS with this he can't ignore the fact that if these skills aren't being mastered in Year 11 history then this is going to severely set DS back when he starts Year 12. I ask the tutor about what revision methods he has taught DS, and the tutor said that the subject knowledge is a key area of weakness, and DS apparently said to him that he doesn't make notes in the lessons because his teacher isn't good. I said to the tutor that I think DS just needs to be taught how to create his own quizzes, and how to create flashcards and mindmaps. The tutor said that with mocks coming up those "knowledge gaps" need to be filled in. But I'd prefer him to prioritise teaching DS how to revise history, and if I'm asking for a particular service surely I should receive it?

So, AIBU to think this tutor has a bit of an attitude and is overstepping the mark a bit? I don’t need him to tell us which subjects DS should or shouldn’t do at sixth form, I just want him to teach DS how to revise properly!

I doubt the boy will pass his history GCSE if he can't remember dates, write essays or get out of bed for a rutor session. So he won't be accepted onto an A-level course in it anyway. Is he enjoying other subjects? What's the school say?
And does he actually exist? Or is the OP actually a tutor enjoying displaying what some parents are like?

The tutor sounds great. You sound like 'that' parent.

Surely if you think mind maps and flashcards are the key to all this then you could teach your son this? Without the knowledge they would be blank though!

Mind maps don't help everyone. For some people they are a complete waste of time. We have different learning styles. You could try and find out your sons learning style by doing a test on line.

Chatting about this last night a teacher friend saying his senior colleague view is actually a 6 at gcse isn’t actually enough to do the a level. It means you only got about half the gcse exam right and a levels are a massive leap from gcse. If he does history a level he’ll likely fail it sorry. This happened to a family member.

Dd got an A star for history A level she’s driven conscientious and worked like a demon. Really not getting those vibes from your son!

99% of people think you're being unreasonable.

Does that not tell you something? Or are you going to carry on the way you are and argue with everyone, and go through yet another tutor because you're intent on being "right" no matter what?

Agree with others that your son may well not be suited to A levels. And your understanding of tutoring is really poor too. The tutor sounds like he is trying very hard but is hitting his head against a brick wall(you).

I used to tutor maths. While doing an initial baseline assessment makes sense, I don’t actually do it because I think it overwhelms kids at the very start when you need to focus on them being comfortable with you. I check their basic written arithmetic skills with a few questions and then get started on a topic they have said they need help with (I ask the parents in advance so that I can have something prepared) so that they can see some immediate improvement in something they thought they couldn’t do and that builds confidence.

The thing that’s gone badly wrong I think is that your son’s knowledge of the syllabus is so patchy that he made the mistake of giving the wrong topic to the tutor. It’s all very well saying he needs to learn to revise, but revise implies going over material you are already somewhat familiar with, whereas it sounds like he’s practically starting from scratch with a lot of it.

If it’s study skills you think he needs then you could try to find a tutor who focuses on just that rather than being subject specific. Or you could buy some revision guides for him that condense the information into key points for you.

When it comes to revising, rather than reading the same material over and over again, he should read it once or twice and then try to write down what he remembers about it. Then go back and check his answers, and have another go. It is the act of recall that strengthens the memory. If you just keep reading the same thing over and over it becomes very familiar so you think you know it, but will often find you can’t actually remember any of it afterwards.

I suspect the history tutor is rather fed up with you and will be relieved if you do not continue with tuition. If you are going to continue then you need to back off and give them a chance to attempt to teach your son without your interference. Being realistic, your son probably needs to have a rethink about taking history A-level. That’s not the tutor’s fault, and it’s not fair to be annoyed that they told you this.

Morning all, thank you for all the responses (although some of them were a bit full-on and got personal in some areas).

the tutor has replied, and we’re having a call with him this afternoon. He’s actually been quite nice and said that he knows GCSEs are a stressful time for everyone, and that he knows DS hasn’t had a great time with the course. He said that there is a lot to catch up on in terms of the syllabus, and he is still adamant that we need to reconsider an A Level option.

i will update this afternoon

You're fixated on the revision side, but he can't revise what he doesn't know. There's a fundamental lack of understanding in your posts, from the baseline to the blaming three tutors in succession for all being wrong in different ways, yet excusing your DS no matter what because he slept in/didn't charge laptop/was up early the day before/doesn't take notes and so on and on. It's actually really good of a tutor to tell a client when they're wasting their time and money rather than fleece them when their kid isn't stepping up and demonstrating basic ability. If you're determined to stick with this tutor, stop it with the revision fixation and follow your DH's advice to just let them get on with your job. You may see managing the tutor as your job, but if that was your job, you would be let go. I'm sorry because you obviously want to do the best for your DS, but right from the start where you're questioning the baseline test, your attitude was an issue.

I have good A level results, a 2:1 degree from a Russell Group University and 2 post graduate qualifications. However, I could not do History A level, I was rubbish. I gave it up after a term.

I’m surprised the tutor hasn’t sacked you tbh (although sending him the mind map resources and suggesting he incorporates these into his sessions could be the final straw…)
Of course he’ll do a baseline assessment first- otherwise how does he know what areas your son needs support with?
Of course he will need to cover some subject matter first- otherwise what is there to revise?
He's not telling you how to parent, he’s providing you with his professional opinion as an expert in the field of education (the second person to have told you this), so it’s up to you whether you take this on board, however I do feel you’re complicit in setting your son up to fail by pushing this subject when he clearly struggles to grasp the very basics.
If your friend is an expert in revision techniques why don’t you pay her instead?

x-posted with your update. Good luck with the call. Hope you can build from this into a more positive arrangement which is realistic and helpful for your DS.

A level history is really hard. Honestly a family member did it for a level another family member was a senior history teacher on hand to help yet still failed. It could be a waste of his time and quite demoralising for him

Way too far. He's a kid. Sort yourself out.

Iam suprised he still wants to invest in you and your son after both your bad attitudes, poor man.
He clearly doesn't think you child is clever enough to do A level history and is trying to be polite!

Please listen to the tutor this time. If he didn't care about your DS' ability to pass the exam, he'd just take your money and do the minimum to tutor him.

The fact is, you cannot pass History with huge gaps in your knowledge and an inability to retain dates and crucial details. Your DS appears to struggle with both. Our DD struggled too – and she failed her History GCSE this summer. We wish we'd steered her towards a subject that wasn't so reliant on memory.

The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else.😂
I'm glad I'm not his tutor.

I would imagine that OP is now notorious amongst history tutors in her area and she will probably find it hard to get a replacement tutor, unless it's one that's just in it for the money and who will just follow her instructions and let him fail catastrophically.

I'm unsure how he has been predicted a grade 5 when he hasn't taken any notes in lessons and has no idea how to revise.

I'm veering between agreeing with posters that this thread can't be genuine or, based on her update about the half term in South Africa, thinking that they are a rich but pretty unintellectual family who thinks that it's always someone else's fault if her son isn't achieving the grades that he needs and that throwing money at the problem will magically fix it.

You’re wanting your son to do revision on things he doesn’t understand. He thought he’d been studying the Cold War, when he hadn’t, so he really has little understanding of the subject. The tutor is right to do a baseline test with him, to assess what your son already knows. Imagine if he hadn’t done the test and took your son’s word that he’d done the Cold War in class. I think it’s fair to say that if he is struggling with it at GCSE, then he’s going to struggle with it at A level. It also sounds like you’re wasting money on a tutor if he isn’t going to get up in time for the full hour that you’re paying for. Throwing money at a tutor doesn’t buy grades, and your son isn’t pulling his weight with the course. If he doesn’t get the gcse grade needed to take the a level subject, then the decision will be taken out of his hands.

@SoCloseToNothing1981 - it’s really tough when your child wants something they can’t have. But it happens to all of us in some way and you do need to start being realistic. If your DS struggles to remember dates and facts, then he can’t do history A level. It will just be a complete waste of time.

Your DS’s son warned against him taking history. Your son doesn’t take notes in class because he’s decided the teacher is no good (which is pretty arrogant but also how is he going to revise if he has no notes?). You’re now on your third tutor - who you think has attitude (FWIW, i think he sounds spot on) - because two tutors “let you down”.

The issue is clearly not the 4 education professionals who have tried to support your son. The issue is your son. You’re not helping your son by making excuses for him, by excusing his attitude or by saying this about learning revision technique.

You’re obviously a loving mum but you need to start being firm with your son and insisting he start working properly. And let the professional tutors do their job.

I did History, Philosophy, RS and a Philosophy degree. I never used any flashcards to revise Philosophy and I don't think remembering the concepts specifically rather than remembering how to use them is very useful. It's more important to practise writing and reasoning. If you have done well in Philosophy A-level until the point of the exam I think you will have the logical tools you need to do well. Memorising concepts doesn't HURT, but I think it's a bit incidental; a student who does that and then does well probably actually did well for other reasons. "Being able to quote them in the right way" doesn't sound like Philosophy at all to me, it is not a regurgitate-y subject. It's about how you USE them. History NEEDs facts but I don't think it's fact-based, it's analysis-based. Facts are the foundational layer to be sure but they're not much good on their own. But I agree the level of writing and analysis means Philos may well not be right for OP's son.

My question would be what is it about history that your son actually likes?

So far it appears that:
He thinks his teacher isn't good
He doesn't make notes in lessons
He isn't good at essay writing or dates
He's burned through 2 tutors already
He doesn't know what he has covered in school in the past week
He's currently predicted a 4 in GCSE

And somehow despite all this, he loves history and wants to do it at A level.

To me it sounds as if there is something about history in general that he likes - narratives? Horrible Histories? but unfortunately history as an academic subject is not actually like this.

If 'doing really well' for him looks like a grade 6 in one subject, I'd also be considering if he should do A levels at all as it seems just setting him up for failure.

OP you’ve hired a tutor for your son and you’re not prepared to listen to what he says even though he’s echoing what you’ve already been told by your sons’ teacher - that he’s struggling and would be better taking a different subject. It may not be palatable but unless you listen to them, you’re setting your son up to fail. And you’re wasting your money.

“If 'doing really well' for him looks like a grade 6 in one subject, I'd also be considering if he should do A levels at all as it seems just setting him up for failure.”

I also agree with this. Your DS may be very able in a range of areas but not very bookish. That’s absolutely fine. It may be worth looking at other options for further education.

Same!! I'm so embarrassed for the OP and her son who has appalling organisation and time management

OP I haven’t read the whole thread although I have read a good deal of it. You say:

DS thought he had been working on the Cold War that week in school and so the tutor set him some questions on the Cold War. DS, bless him, really struggled with the first question so didn't have time to look at the rest of the questions. The tutor ran through the questions with DS, and that was when DS realised he hadn't actually done the Cold War and he'd gotten the name confused with something else

I took history at A Level and later went on to do a degree in Modern History. I'd been fascinated by history and the past since my childhood and I loved (still love) the subject. However, I’d never have had the ability or temperament for an academic path in the subject, which is highly competitive and very, very specialised. I have to say, if your DS doesn’t take notes in lessons and can’t even remember whether he’s being taught about the Cold War or 'something else', this is a problem. A big problem.

Does he really have any interest in history? I have to say, I’m surprised - to say the very least - by your mention of 'a potential academic or career pathway'.
What subjects is your DS good at and what does he enjoy? Because it seems to me that anyone contemplating choices for a lifetime should at least start out prioritising the subjects they actually have an affinity with. Otherwise it’s a dreary old path and a long haul working at something they hate and aren’t good at.