To find this statement from DP strange

[Totaleclipseofaheart]

For context- DP and I have been together a decade and recently became parents. His mother has become incredibly overbearing and after months of keeping quiet I finally confided in my DP and told him what toll it was having on my mental well being and that I (not him or us) need to see her less. Our relationship with DP has taken a nose dive since that convo and he has recently told me that he struggling to see a future for us as HE IS AT HIS HAPPIEST WHEN HE IS WITH HIS MUM AND DAD.
Is it unreasonable of me to find this statement from a man in his late 30s who has just had a baby really strange?

I'm sorry. You need to leave or you'll spend years coming last and resenting it. Go and be happy.

Well if his relationship is going to pot and he’s miserable, then he is speaking the truth about being at his happiest when he’s with his parents.

What does he want to do to regain happiness and closeness with you again?

Becoming the parent may have been the catalyst for him to realise that he's not happy in the relationship. So not strange at all. But not a great omen for your relationship.

The question is what you (both of you) intend to do about it.

I didn’t say that the relationship was bad. I thought we were really happy and just started our family and it’s been really lovely. It’s just his mother’s interference that I struggle with

Is the reality of being a parent sinking in maybe? Funny how it’s always men who decide it’s just too hard and they want to go back to mummy and daddy, while the women just knuckle down and get on with because someone has to and it ain’t going to be him 🙄

If he meant it as a true statement, then ‘strange’ isn’t the right word. It means your relationship is over I would say. He doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about him.

Off he fucks back to mummy then…

Whats your financial/housing situation?

So he’s family orientated but can’t cope with being an independent adult. I would worry.

No, you are not BU. It is strange. What was their relationship like before the baby?

Is it just that he's not No 1 anymore for you, so he's sulked off to hide behind his mother's skirts?

he has recently told me that he struggling to see a future for us as HE IS AT HIS HAPPIEST WHEN HE IS WITH HIS MUM AND DAD.

Were there any other signs he hadn't cut the apron strings? Did he live independently of them as an adult?

It's a really bizarre thing for a new dad to say but you need to line up your ducks and prepare to be single if he prioritizes his mom and supports her interference in your lives.

Send him home. Don't play the pick me dance with him and his dm. What a fucking man child.

I think you say that was a very strange thing to say - that you’re at your happiest with your mum or dad. If that’s how you feel uou should never have gotten into a serious relationship as it’s not fair on your partner, and you should absolutely never have had a baby, our baby deserves a much better dad than that. Now, are you only reluctantly here? Nobody is forcing you and nor am I going to stay in a relationship with you if that’s what you think, I deserve someone who is happy with me.

You say 'I thought we were really happy' but it sounds like he doesn't feel the same way.

Off he pops

He's hurt you're not as in to his mum as he is. Make it clear to him that HE can see her whenever he wants to but you don't have to see her all the time. A mama's boy who's happiest with his parents at his age and with a wife and child of his own is pathetic.

I agree it is a weird statement.

The only defence, I can make is that some men feel pushed out - twos company, threes a crowd, as they’re used to be the centre of attention, and now mum has baby to focus on. Some men embrace the addition, others struggle with it. (Not an excuse, but an explanation). Maybe he feels he still the main centre of attention at his parents.

@99bottlesofkombucha has a good response.

By the way, you did the right thing in establishing boundaries.

He wants his parents. He doesn't want to be a parent.

I'm so sorry @Totaleclipseofaheart.

I guess what he is saying is that he feels happiest when his parents are around and he’s struggling as you don’t feel the same way. Not sure where you go from here, but he needs to understand your point of view of course.

Jesus Christ what a bloody dick!

My ex never committed to being a df.. For example he never spent a Sunday (dinner) with us, a birthday (his or the dc) or Christmas with us. Always with his dps. .
He was abusive however and it took me years to leave. As adults none of the dc have seen him since early teens. Simply no real relationship there.
Sorry you picked a twat to have dc with op..

Do you think there’s any chance he meant to say he’s happiest when you are all together, including his parents?? I mean, I don’t relate, but that might be more understandable.

I agree with others it sounds like he is a man child and it’s just coming to the fore since you’ve had a child. Did you use to cater to his every need? Did you live together long before you had a child?

What are the in laws doing that bothers you?

When I had my children I was also very happy to spend time with my parents to share the happiness of the new additions. May be he’s feeling the same?

Ex was like this, even went to the dentist with them after our daughter was born 😂 he was 25 though not late 30’s. Time to send him back to Mummy & Daddy

I would get a massive ick if my DP who I also have a child with told me he is at his happiest when he is with his mum and dad. I think I would honestly dry up like the sahara and would not be able to have sex with him again.

Send the manchild back to mummy and daddy and be free.

OP, what he says does sound strange, but I think you need to find some time when the baby is asleep, and ask him exactly what he means by what he said. Make it absolutely clear to him that you don't expect him to spend any less time with his parents than he has done previously, but that you no longer enjoy his Mum's company because she does X, Y or Z, and so when he goes to see them, you'd prefer to stay at home, but he can still take the baby if he wants to, and if they want to visit your house, you'd rather go out and meet up with a friend or something.

My ex, the father of my child, became quite resentful of the baby when it arrived, but when I realised he was jealous of the fact that the minute the baby cried, I went to check what was up, I pointed out to him that the baby was a helpless creature, who couldn't do ANYTHING at all for themself, whereas he was perfectly capable, and so for the time being our child would need my love and attention, more than he did. He sulked for a bit, then thought about it, and realised I was right. After that, he became as involved in the baby's life as he possibly could be, and helped as much as he could. At the end of the day, COMMUNICATION is KEY to a good relationship, and if you can't communicate for whatever reason, you might as well call it a day.