DH didn’t get DD anything but got his nieces

[Emsieo]

This week DH was in New York on a business trip, he got back this morning. We have 2 children DS is 8 and DD is 6. He also has 2 nieces who are 2 and 4. While on his trip he went to the American Girl Doll store and got a doll for both of his nieces, he told me his SIL sent him the money and told him what to get and it’s for their Christmas. I asked if he didn’t think to get DD one and he shrugged and said doesn’t she already have loads of dolls. She does but she adores dolls and would absolutely love an American girl doll, they aren’t easy to get in the uk so she will likely never have one.
Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did. I feel as a father he should have been able to think for himself and get her one.

AIBU?

He's an arse.

Sorry.

That's really sad.

It’s a pity he didn’t tell you he was going to the store for his sister and then you could have told him to get one for dd too. I think he just didn’t think.

How sad ☹️

I've picked stuff up when abroad for other people, I find it stressful making sure I'm getting the right thing as it is their money and can't easily be returned. My kids wouldn't even feature in my brain as I would be too busy kicking myself for agreeing to put myself in this situation in the first place.

That’s sad. Most dads I’d like to think in a store buying something for little girls with his own little girl at home would go daughter would love one I’ll get her one as well.

He shouldn’t need to be told what his daughter likes and loves he should have known. It’s poor both in not thinking and clearly not knowing her well enough to know she’s love one.

Unthoughtful but probably not new behaviour.

It's really not a big deal! He was on a business trip, he picked something his sister specifically told him to get. He thought your DD has enough dolls, Jesus is this something to write on social media about?

I think you are really annoyed that you didn’t think of it and your SIL did.

If he had done this for the nieces on his own initiative then I'd be very miffed, but he's only bought them because SiL asked him to, its not as though he's actually been thinking of them over his own DD

Randomlygeneratedname

I've picked stuff up when abroad for other people, I find it stressful making sure I'm getting the right thing as it is their money and can't easily be returned. My kids wouldn't even feature in my brain as I would be too busy kicking myself for agreeing to put myself in this situation in the first place.

This would be me too, I’ve regularly been asked to bring home x and y and then gotten home and suddenly thought ‘oh crap, I didn’t even get the kids or dh anything!’

@Closetangeli imagine the problem is he's going to more trouble than he would for his own kid, he could have asked if she thought kids needed anything if going to a toy shop even than taxing his poor busy man brain

This 100%. If you're in a toy shop buying something for two nieces, how would your own daughter not even cross your mind?

Aw I don’t actually think he meant to be an arse here. He went in the shop with a function in mind, to fulfil SIL’s request (at her expense). He didn’t think of DD because, as he said, she has a lot of dolls already. I don’t think he meant anything by it, he just didn’t think.

bollocks. He knows his daughter likes dolls. He must realise, since his sister asked him to get them, that you can't get them in the uk.

We aren'T men's external brains. They have to think for themselves,

Sorry, OP, you're married to an arse.

It sounds like it wasn't a general toy shop though but this specific brand's retail outlet. I've never heard of them and just googled and they look like generic dolls to me. I can imagine myself in such a shop because someone had asked me without it crossing my mind that it was anything special that I should particularly buy for DD, even if she did like dolls in general. Is it something your daughter has specifically mentioned?

Very thoughtless. He clearly thinks Christmas is your responsibility.

The men apologists are out in force I see.

If DH had been in that situation I can almost 100% guarantee he would have messaged me and said “SIL has asked me to go to X store to get Y for DNephews
for Christmas, what’s our plans for DS, should I get him one too?”

He didn't bring them back anything at all? Does he frequently go away? Would he usually bring a gift?

Overall it sounds unreasonable, but if he frequently travels and doesn't bring something back each time then I can understand it better, especially as he wasn't buying his nieces something from him and he was simply buying something he was asked to get from his sister.

He just didnt think.
Ah well.
Thats how blokes get away with being shite... its tolerated and excused.

My own daughter has lots of dolls so I don’t think I’d get one for her in that situation either.

Yup he is a ass.

He has puts you in charge of the domestic and child related chores.

If not being asked to buy Christmas/Santa prezzies on request of SIL would have prompted him to ask if this a win-win situation.

He did bring back some sweets you can only easily get in the US and a magnet so it’s not that he didn’t get them anything at all. He goes away about twice a year but rarely to New York. I think I’m just upset as DD would have really liked the doll and the dolls are probably more age appropriate at 6 than 2. I don’t really understand how he stood in a shop full of dolls and didn’t even message to see if DD would like one.

I am a mum of a daughter, and honestly I wouldn’t be upset at the DH.

She doesn’t need everything that other children are getting as presents. Did he bring back anything? Is he generally a good dad?

Work trips can be stressful, you don’t need to treat it as Christmas with presents for everyone each time you go away.

This.