DH didn’t get DD anything but got his nieces

[Emsieo]

This week DH was in New York on a business trip, he got back this morning. We have 2 children DS is 8 and DD is 6. He also has 2 nieces who are 2 and 4. While on his trip he went to the American Girl Doll store and got a doll for both of his nieces, he told me his SIL sent him the money and told him what to get and it’s for their Christmas. I asked if he didn’t think to get DD one and he shrugged and said doesn’t she already have loads of dolls. She does but she adores dolls and would absolutely love an American girl doll, they aren’t easy to get in the uk so she will likely never have one.
Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did. I feel as a father he should have been able to think for himself and get her one.

AIBU?

" he should have been able to think for himself "

Triumph of hope over experience.

I've been abroad for business and bought presents for more distant relatives, but never bought nothing for close family, did he bring nothing for DD or just not the doll?

It constant on here and it's nauseating. Things make a lot more sense in the world when you see what woman go out of their way, actually out of their way, to excuse and enable.

If you were on a business trip would you go Christmas shopping? And it really isn’t clear that the dd wants one of those dolls. Look them up. They are awful. And expensive. You can order them online.

It really is hideous. And I saw one for two hundred quid!

As much as we all want them to be, men are not mind-readers. They are quite simple souls really - his sister asked and he fulfilled this.

I think you have to come to terms with this simple truth. Mine hasn't changed much in this department in 40 years of marriage. I don't expect him to, so don't set unrealistic expectations.

Its upset me that he made all the effort to go to a store filled with things DD would love and didn’t think to get her one for her Christmas. He says if I knew she wanted one I should have told him like SIL did.

SIL asked HIM to pick up the dolls for her (she paid, and presumably instructed him which dolls) because she knew he'd be in the area of the shop and she and/or the nieces' dad would not have a chance to go there. But your daughter's dad was right in the store looking at dolls already - why would he need you to pipe up? I say this only because you say your daughter does/would love this kind of doll; if it weren't something that she would genuinely want then I see no issue, just like you're not upset that he didn't get your son a doll. IF she does love them, it's an issue that he doesn't know what she likes and is expecting you to keep track and tell him.

Absolutely! This is more about competing with SIL than about a doll that DDs had their hearts set on. They have enough dolls.

DH is a good man. He went out
of his way to do his sister a favour at her specific request.

edited to say this is aimed at @dammit88

Why are you right that she needs another doll and he’s wrong that she already has loads of dolls? I’m not seeing why you’re automatically in the right here.

Well, there is one of his Christmas tasks, he now has to find one for his own child... might make him think a little harder next time... and explain to him it is one of his daughter's main gifts, so he'd better not let her down!

Excuse what? That he wasn't thinking about his own Christmas shopping on a work trip in November? Why would he be? I wouldn't be.

And like a PP said it could absolutely have gone the other way. If he had bought one he could easily be accused of buying a big Christmas present without consultation and with no consideration as to what the children already have.

Complete non-event.

I’ve been to an American Doll store and unless you know exactly what you’re going for, it can be very overwhelming. There are a lot of choices and I bet SIL had specific ones in mind otherwise he would have been there for hours.

The PP is right, the best part about buying an American Girl doll is the in-store experience and even that's not a patch on how it used to be (I think before they were bought by Mattel), when they had really beautiful, full dioramas of all the dolls through history.

Our Generation dolls are almost identical, much more affordable and often for sale at discount prices in TK Maxx.

But then you could say.... 'Why didn't he just get one? Why didn't he KNOW to get one?' He probably didn't think they were that great and hadn't heard of them before, adding to that his daughter has loads of dolls, so why get one?

That he wasn't thinking about his own child and apparently doesn't know what she might like to the extent he needs his wife to spell it out for him.

Excuse that.

What about your DS?

They are expensive dolls though $135 a pop and at 6 isn’t she at the age of starting to grow out of dolls at that age?

Those dolls are gorgeous, and he has a 6-year-old who loves dolls. It's poor. Sorry, OP.

Maybe the company would ship a doll to the UK?

Meh, maybe he doesn’t want your house filled with yet more crap. Kids have so much stuff these days

It's an absolute mystery how his wife thought of it isn't it? Since nobody can apparently know their own children.

No. He wasn't thinking about his own child and what she wants for Christmas 2 months ahead of time when he was on a specific mission he agreed to do for someone else. I wouldn't be. And had actually thought about it to the degree that he thought she has too many dolls and wouldn't want another. Which may well be entirely accurate.

I can't imagine having a different thought process myself if I was him.

there is nothing like it in the UK
^ do you really think this man knows this? Even I don’t know what an American doll is, let alone the average man in the UK.

Do you really want to spend over £100 on such god awful dolls?

Do you want the one who's dressed in colonial garb and churns butter?

Or they can do you a clone doll of yourself but they start at £210.

Maybe he took one, look at them and realised they weren't worth it. There are better dolls than that for the money

I think men sometimes need to be told , their brains are not like ours

I really think this is a non problem and you are overthinking. So what he didn't get your daughter the same.