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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

lost friend of 17 years over loan

262 replies

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

OP posts:
MauriceTheMussel · 07/11/2025 13:21

Nope, 100% she is the problem.

I wouldn’t believe the bleeding either - that’s just to guilt trip you.

You’re better off without this toxic drama queen.

Bootsies · 07/11/2025 13:23

God, who needs 'friends,' like that. You had the patience of a saint. She was a CF for not returning the money sooner. And what a nasty comment from her mum (she could have thanked you for helping her DD out in the first place). Good riddance!

outerspacepotato · 07/11/2025 13:24

Block your ex friend. She leeched off of you and was never going to repay you.

She's mad the money got paid back, she thought you'd cave and let her keep it. No contact is the best way forward.

Marylou2 · 07/11/2025 13:25

You're definitely not being unreasonable. She had no intention of paying you back before you challenged her. It's not a great situation but at least you've seen her true colours. Hope things improve for you.

Rainbowcat77 · 07/11/2025 13:26

No, not at all. You did a kind thing in lending her the money and she treated you appallingly in return.
I’m so sorry this happened but honestly, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend.
She’s blocked now so move on with people who treat you better and never lend money to friends again. It really is a recipe for disaster!

purplecorkheart · 07/11/2025 13:26

I am glad that you got your money back. She caused the stress and upset not you. You just stood up for yourself and was not a walkover.

You have learned a important lesson. Never lend money.

Isekaied · 07/11/2025 13:27

She is a CF and now is making excuses to block you so she doesn't have to pay you back.

Isekaied · 07/11/2025 13:28

Realised loan has been paid

Praying4Peace · 07/11/2025 13:28

She has behaved in a manipulate way, putting guilt on you.
You have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Deep breath and take care OP

ScholesPanda · 07/11/2025 13:29

She's a CF. Take it as a lesson not to lend large sums to friends again.

OvernightBloats · 07/11/2025 13:31

Yet another example about how lending money to friends/family can easily backfire. She has somehow twisted it to make you feel as though you are in the wrong. You did a very kind, caring thing and she has thrown it in your face.

Your mum did a very clever thing with making her face up to her wrongdoing. Good!

gamerchick · 07/11/2025 13:31

It's been paid back. She's not your friend, yes it hurts but she took advantage and had no intention of paying you back.

Put her behind you.

SriouslyWhutNow · 07/11/2025 13:32

Your 7 or 8 year old shouldn’t have any social media where she can be unfriended. She is far too young and all sm platforms that I know of have a minimum age of 13. Focus on parenting your child and getting your DD off sm next and bugger this non-friend.

PInkyStarfish · 07/11/2025 13:34

The worst kinds of people are those that do wrong and then play the victim, encouraging others to view the person that helped them out as being the bad guy.

LeaderBee · 07/11/2025 13:34

10K is not an insignificant amount of money for most people.

Friend is a CF who should have made plans to pay it back, excuses on top of excuses would wear my patience thin.

You have not been unreasonable in the least.

Hoppinggreen · 07/11/2025 13:35

Would you have preferred to keep her as a (CF) friend or get your £10k back?

honeylulu · 07/11/2025 13:36

You are not unreasonable at all. The friendship was lost to you once she decided to screw you over and not repay you and that isn't your doing. Ignore all the guilt tripping bollocks. Did she or her mum have any sympathy for the difficult position you found yourself in when you needed the money back.

I'm really pleased for you that you got your money back. That's not usually how these threads go.

Be kind to yourself and try and put her behind you.

Nearly50omg · 07/11/2025 13:37

This woman wasn’t a friend! Go on the women’s aid group sessions and learn about abuse in all forms and you will realise that your friend was just another user and abuser

Ooogle · 07/11/2025 13:41

how are 7 year olds unfriending each other online? I realise this isn’t the key point of the OP but I was a bit alarmed by it

ldnmusic87 · 07/11/2025 13:43

Never lend money to friends, I think you were lucky to get your money back.

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:45

It doesn’t sound like you were really in any position to lend anyone money op

and how your friend has behaved is appalling

and this kind of behaviour came completely out the blue and in 17 years of very close friendship- never a hint of this in her personality or behaviour?

godmum56 · 07/11/2025 13:46

I think the only thing you did "wrong" was to lend the money in the first place.

Kimura · 07/11/2025 13:46

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

You were wrong to lend it to her in the first place without knowing what it was for and having a repayment plan in place.

At least her mother has some shame. I expect she didn't want you talking to her family as they weren't aware of her money issues, and now it's all come out in the wash.

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:46

What social media is a 7 and 8 year old on!!??

Friendlygingercat · 07/11/2025 13:46

Never lend more than you are prepared to give away.

No good deed goes unpunished.