lost friend of 17 years over loan

[uk1990]

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

lol most definitely

You sound like a lovely, patient, supportive friend. You have done absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Your ex-friend (and her mother) sounds awful and I suspect you will be better off without her.
I do feel sorry for your daughter but sadly it would seem her actions will always be dictated by the Mum so it’s probably better that happened now rather than in a few years when it will potentially be even more upsetting for your daughter to lose her.

This

I was just going to say this

I loaned money (a LOT less than 10k!) to someone I thought of as a friend

She promptly unfriended me and has never paid a penny back

I was so angry but made peace with never getting it back but her smear campaign has to be heard to be believed

Apparently I was so nasty to her,she lost her baby (she wasn't pregnant in the first place),she almost lost her house and relationship because of me (utter bullshit-he spent all their money on weed and she almost lost her house by not paying the rent) and she never borrowed anything from me in the first place! (so why was i asking for it back?)

It's a way of deflecting from the fact they where in the wrong

More fool anyone who believes her lies

You haven't done anything wrong OP. For her Mum to say she's now bleeding from the stress you caused is completely heartless. Where's her proof that it was caused by you? Impossible to prove and I highly doubt it was this, bleeding can be caused by many other reasons and bleeding doesn't always mean miscarriage.

To add, glad she's gone, trash took itself out. Hope you're ok OP.

This is just one side of the story, I expect there’s more to it, as you’ve potentially caused a loss of her pregnancy due to the stress. You’re probably just as bad as each other and your 7 and 8 year olds should not have social media!!

Sorry for all the stress you're going through op. Please don't loan money again, you don't have enough of a safety net. Put your own household first. You were a great friend and she doesn't deserve you.

also i forgot to mention; her lifestyle did not change in the last 18 months either!. she went on 4 holiday, which included one to Dubai. When i mentioned that i was upset, i remember saying to her, that i was very upset that she was going on expensive holidays but did not mention anything about the debt, and she accused me of 'pocket watcing'.
i was raised in a family where if my dad took out a loan, our entire lifestyle was cut back until the loan was paid, so that meant only essentials were done (this was akin to only doing what was needed to stay alive)! and this is exactly how i am as an adult.

Your friend and her mum are horrible people. Totally immoral and selfish. Please don’t torture yourself, I hope this thread helps you see this is her fault, not yours.

Her mum was probably really embarrassed that friend had firstly borrowed such a large sum of money of you, and secondly she hadn’t paid it back! For whatever reason, Friend didn’t want anyone to know about the loan.

You did nothing wrong. (apart from loaning the money in the first place, but you did that out if kindness).

Please take the learning but don't feel like an idiot. Scammers and con artists get away with stuff BECAUSE THEY ARE EFFING GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO.

That's utterly ridiculous. Op is in no way responsible for this women's miscarriage or money troubles. What a crazy take. Look at all the stress op was put under.

@uk1990 I am glad you got your money back. I don't think you lost a friend. You lost a leech/CFer.

You did nothing wrong, except you trusted someone you thought you knew very well. She failed the trusted friend test, not you.

I hope the rest of your situation improves for you soon.

came here to say that...

I woujdn’t necessarily blame the friends mum. She did pay the loan back in full , and maybe just passing on a message from her daughter, however unlikely it was.

She is a horrible, nasty person. Don't give it a second's thought. Well rid of her!

OP you have done nothing wrong at all. She's a cheeky cow who thought she could get away with not paying back nearly 10k just because you're good friends. And the bullshit about her bleeding because of all the supposed stress you caused is completely guilty trippy because she wants you to feel bad to take away from the fact she's acted like a complete twat. Do not feel bad at all. You've been nothing but good to her and she's paid you back in this real shitty way. And having her daughter block yours is petty and ridiculous. Hurting a child because you're a cheeky fucker just shows what kind of person she is. I'm sorry you lost your friend but it doesn't sound like she was that good a one anyway

Why on earth are 7/ 8 year olds on line?

You totally did the right thing. She wasnt even trying at the end to even talk about how she may pay it bac
Didnt even offer £20 a month.

Better off without her. Its sad her daughter blocked yours but that will be her mum spreading poison. When shes a bit older she will see the truth.

It sounds like she had no intention of paying you back, so you're well rid of her now. I'm glad her mum gave you the money back at least.

its roblox, not tiktok or insta

You did nothing wrong, you had the right to know when you were getting your money back, especially as you needed it.

The only thing I will say is it was not a good idea to tell your mother. Even if both families were friends, things like that should be kept confidential.

However what's done is done, I am sorry this has soured your friendship but such things often do. It was a lot of money and your friend was in the wrong not to discuss repayments with you.

of course you weren't wrong

her mum knows this too, or she wouldn't have repaid you

Why are your 7 and 8 year old daughters on social media?