lost friend of 17 years over loan

[uk1990]

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

I feel like no one has read all the OP's posts. They play an online game and the only people they speak to are RL friends, they're completely supervised. I did the same thing with my own DC and now they're very sensible online, unlike DC who aren't allowed online at all.

Your friend is a total dick and it’s her loss. Good riddance, she was taking complete advantage of u and had no intentions of paying u back. Then trying to guilt and gaslight you. She is an awful person. Lesson learnt do not deal in business amongst friends and always if u do, do it legally write up a contract and get it signed with a clear plan. So many people have been in same position as u and feel really silly. This is all on her not you, she’s has abused ur good nature to benefit herself. U got lucky this time her parents stepped in but yes cut your losses she is no friend.

Never lend large sums of money and especially not to ‘friends’. I got stung once and never again. That is my policy. You are better off without that woman in your life. I also wonder why her mother didn’t lend her the money in the first place given it was her that repaid you.

You did absolutely nothing to affect her pregnancy. She did it all by herself not being straight with you from day one and not offering you a plan to repay your very generous loan. She probably knew you well enough to know that you wouldn't pressurize her and then, when your own circumstances changed, got a surprise and wasnt prepared to face up to her responsibilities. She's just screaming "not fair" when the one that was not being fair was her.

You are well rid of her. Also I'd tell everyone why you're no longer friends. She obviously wants it kept quiet so she can make out its you. Tell everyone so they know it's her and her mother that are in the wrong. She'll be bad mouthing you.

Glad you got your money back OP. I would not be surprised if your Mum told your friends Mum and that prompted the friends Mum to repay you. Don't lend money to friends again. Get your DD off SM.

You quote you’ve lost a ‘friend’ all she’s done is show you what kind of ‘friend’ she is!!!
Good riddance friends like that you don’t need!
Her mother spouting her rubbish is just that!
Be thankful you got your money back because your friend would have eventually do what she’s done anyway. Friends like that you don’t need and if you’re ever in that position again get a contract drawn up and signed and witnessed. You very nearly got your fingers burnt!

I'd be very careful with Roblox.

I think you just lost a lot of weight! This was not a friend. A friend would have been honest and paid you back. Her mother clearly has been accommodating this behavior. She blamed you so easily. Good riddance!

First post nails it again!

OMG OP - this is awful and her and her entire family sound awful!!

It sounds like you’ve behaved impeccably in this and your ex-friend has obviously spun a complete yarn to her family about the circumstances.

Your poor DD as well - it’s important that you make it clear to her that most people are not like this…

If you are going to miscarry you will, there is nothing you can do about it, no rhyme nor reason. Please do not accept the blame for her bleeding (trust me have been through a few, one I nearly died, I am an expert! Sadly) I am also very concerned as to her 'friend's daughter' unfollowing her daughter on socials and they are only 7 and 8. Never lend money that you are not prepared to loose.