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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

lost friend of 17 years over loan

262 replies

uk1990 · 07/11/2025 13:19

My closest friend from 17 years borrowed money from me 2 years ago, close to 10k, i didnt ask her much about the particulars and i trusted her when she said she would return it 6 months later. 18 months went by, i needed the money as i was going through custody issues with my daughter and had taken out credit cards to pay for solicitors, plus i got a new job and my pay dropped significantly. She did not talk about paying me back i bought it up with her a few weeks ago, the first time we spoke, she gave me a plan that she was goign to sell her house and look for a job abroad (i found this odd but didnt question), then her circumstances changed, she got pregnant and told me she didnt know when she could pay me back, and didnt have a plan and couldnt even offer a monthly repayment plan. My mum was aware and called her to gently ask her what was going on and she gave my mum more random excuses. She then called me to tell me my mum had spoken to her and i wasnt sure why she was telling me because there was still no plan. I got very upset as she told me i was not allowed to discuss with anyone (our families are old friends) and she would not involve her husband or family as she didnt want to cause them stress. She asked me to ask my mum not to discuss with her family either. I felt betrayed as she had watched me suffer due to getting into abusive relationships and be expolited and felt she was treating me the same. She told me that was my 'perception' and i had to tell her i didnt want to talk until she had a plan.

A week later, her mum repaid the loan (surprisingly) and told me i has caused her too much stress and she was bleeding as a result and asked me not to contact her again. my friend blocked me on all social media and then i found out her daughter had unfriended my daughter online (these girls are aged 7 and 8). This hurt the most as i felt it was petty and unnecessary.

Was i wrong to ask her for a plan about repayment?

OP posts:
MissyPants · 07/11/2025 13:47

Definitely trying to guilt trip you with adding the unnecessary bleeding, which I wouldn't believe for a second. Think about that for a moment, in saying that they are suggesting you are to blame for a potential loss (highly doubt it's true and only saying it to make you feel guilty). That is a major thing to accuse someone of, not to mention the emotional burden that cornes with it for you. Its cruel and it's crystal clear that your friend was in the wrong with not paying you back.
Who needs friends like this?! Seriously, don't give what the said a minutes thought, and be thankful you don't have a friend with no morals whatsoever. Ignore and no contact is definitely the way to go. She knows she is in the wrong but is reversing it to make you feel bad, typical manipulative guilty behaviour.

IsntItDarkOut · 07/11/2025 13:48

Don’t lend money, they think because you can you don’t need it.
DH lent his brother money and he was a twat about it. They had an agreed payment plan, DH let him off the last payment and he was so rude about it. That if he didn’t need it why had he asked for any of it back.

MaryBeardsShoes · 07/11/2025 13:48

You are well out of it! Your daughter shouldn’t be online like this at this age!

AliceMcK · 07/11/2025 13:49

@Addtosignup & @Ooogle my guess would be Roblox, there are also child only apps kids can join to chat to each other.

Absolutely friend is a cf, she didn’t want your mum or her family knowing as she had no intention of paying it back.

never ever lend friends money unless your willing to write it off.

shhblackbag · 07/11/2025 13:49

ScholesPanda · 07/11/2025 13:29

She's a CF. Take it as a lesson not to lend large sums to friends again.

This. You were lucky to see any of that money. She lost a friend, but she was never your friend.

myheadsjustmush · 07/11/2025 13:51

Jeez, with "friends" like this you don't need enemies!

At least you (finally) have your money back, and do not need to be in contact this CF ever again.

viques · 07/11/2025 13:51

Lesson learnt the hard way.

Now get your child off social media before she ends up with a hard lesson to learn.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/11/2025 13:51

She sounds like a manipulative person who never intended to pay you back.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but its always a bad idea to lend money to friends.

Lesson learned and she isn’t a friend.

Epidote · 07/11/2025 13:53

No, you were right asking for it.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/11/2025 13:53

Do you know exactly what that ex friend used the 10k for? Because all the insistence on 'don't tell anyone, don't tell my family' would indicate to me that she used it for something that they had no knowledge of and now her mother has had to be told she's been forced to admit to something.

This might be why she's blocked you everywhere, because now she's got all her family on her back. And the 'bleeding'? Well, seriously, if this level of stress was enough to cause problems in a pregnancy then very few babies would be born - so I'd take that with a huge pinch of salt.

I think your ex friend kept a lot of secrets from a lot of people and it's returned to bite her.

nutbrownhare15 · 07/11/2025 13:53

It's clear the friendship is over. I would ask the mum how it is that you have caused the stress when she had promised it would be paid back within 6 months and it's now over a year later and the only way to get it paid was to get your mum involved. But yes your daughter should absolutely not be on any social media at that age.

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:55

The mum paid you back in full
Odd she didn’t lend it to her daughter 2 years ago

Addtosignup · 07/11/2025 13:56

AliceMcK · 07/11/2025 13:49

@Addtosignup & @Ooogle my guess would be Roblox, there are also child only apps kids can join to chat to each other.

Absolutely friend is a cf, she didn’t want your mum or her family knowing as she had no intention of paying it back.

never ever lend friends money unless your willing to write it off.

At 7 and 8??’ Bloody hell that’s depressing

SandStormNorm · 07/11/2025 13:57

100% her problem and the problem of her family endorsing her terrible conduct. So, not your fault as you did a very generous thing at a time of need. My Dad raised me on the Shakespeare philosophy, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be". I just won't do generous things for people anymore having been scalded a few times. You have not lost a friend as she was never a true friend in the first place. Absolutely no one worth retaining in your inner circle would let you rack up debts while they spend your money.

IsThisLifeNow · 07/11/2025 13:58

Did you ask you mum to get involved? I don't think you should have if you did, but you weren't wrong to ask for your money back.

She wasn't a proper friend if she was treating you like that, so good riddance to bad rubbish

Catwalking · 07/11/2025 13:58

Only ever: lend or gamble as much as you want to lose.
The friend has had a completely free loan for 2yrs!!
I’m sure you have other friends, just think about them.
Please make sure you block all access by this person.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 07/11/2025 13:59

SriouslyWhutNow · 07/11/2025 13:32

Your 7 or 8 year old shouldn’t have any social media where she can be unfriended. She is far too young and all sm platforms that I know of have a minimum age of 13. Focus on parenting your child and getting your DD off sm next and bugger this non-friend.

Came here to say this. WHO on earth allows 7 & 8 year olds on social media!!!!

Silvers11 · 07/11/2025 14:00

Who on earth are the 2% who have voted that you are being unreasonable🙄

Outside9 · 07/11/2025 14:00

YABU for not telling her and her mum to go f**k themselves once your money was returned.

Ungrateful

ChikinLikin · 07/11/2025 14:01

You were lucky to get the money back. Your mum sounds great. What a terrible friend. You didn't cause the bleeding ... that's just bollocks. Try to forget about the 'friend', her mother and her daughter if you can. You might miss them for a while but you will be better off without them in your life.

OriginalUsername2 · 07/11/2025 14:02

It’s quite fucked up for them to use her bleeding against you like that. That would be it for me. How dare they put that on you.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 07/11/2025 14:03

You were very patient with her - it was your money and you were 100% right to ask for it back. It doesn't even matter about your circumstances actually, she should have paid you back even if you didn't 'need' it.

I'd leave her to it. She clearly has issues and doesn't sound like a great friend to bring so much drama to you when it was a problem that she had caused.

Nanatobethatsme46 · 07/11/2025 14:04

The most worrying part of this is you think its ok for 7 and 8 year old girls to be online!
Youve got your money back just forget the whole thing and move on

divorcinganabsolutewanker · 07/11/2025 14:06

She wasn't a friend though was she op.

I borrowed 2k from a friend a couple of months ago and every Thursday I get paid I Revolut her before I even get out of bed.

herewegoagainbabyno2 · 07/11/2025 14:06

I think you were unreasonable to lend your friend the money considering the amount and the fact that you didn’t really know what it was going towards. You take a huge risk when you do stuff like this and I hope that this is a lesson learnt.

You are of course not unreasonable to ask for the money back and unfortunately it sounds like your friend had no intentions to pay you back. Considering that she didn’t want anyone else to know about it, and the amount I assumed she was hiding something and used you to pay off whatever she needed to do.

I know you feel hurt right now, but you haven’t lost a friend. Your friend stopped being your friend when she should’ve paid you back at the six months mark after lending the money.

It is not your fault that she got pregnant. It is not your fault that she is “stressed”.

Do not feel guilty one bit, I feel like the bleeding is a lie but you know at the end of the day, even if it was the truth, don’t feel guilty that money was yours.

I’m so so glad that you were paid in the end for the money you lent.

Take this as a hard lesson and do not do it again

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