Mum on class WhatsApp group going on about her MH all the time!

[Jillcc1]

This really.
My DC is in Year 5 and most of the parents are in class WhatsApp group. We chat about school stuff but also parties, Halloween events that sort of thing. No one really writes about their personal lives, health, work etc because it's not appropriate in the class chat. It should be about the kids and school, right?
There's 1 mum who goes on and onnnnnnn about her mental health and neuro diversity struggles at every single opportunity.. Even when someone might have posted a quick question about homework or school lunches etc.
She always steers the chat towards her own issues.
I get that she might be struggling, but I'd this any reason to drag other parents down and depress them? Especially when we're all busy with our own lives.

This is a good idea. Some people get very isolated when they have children and this is a good way to get to know other parents in a friendly way and is easier than approaching other parents in the play ground and hoping to make conversation. This would encourage friendships. I like it.

Or means people who want to chat can do without upsetting the Karens who think that they are in charge of the group rules

If she is neurodiverse maybe she is misunderstanding the social cues. I wonder if anyone has pointed her in the right direction for help if she doesn’t know how to do this.

this is insane, why should something as simple as a parents group become so complicated, because one person can't' stop banging on about something and has no respect for others.

I am as organised as anything, but ONE class whatsapp group is enough, and helpful to be reminded that xyz birthday or clubs is actually linked to that school class.

Nothing is stopping HER from starting a group/ whatsapp page/ anything about SEN chats and from time to time remind people they can meet there.

It's infuriating that everybody else has to make changes, find solutions and basically waste their time and energy because. of one person, who's too lazy to start her own group, and too self-centred to realise no one cares. Often, not always, but often she's the kind of mum who complains her child is left out of playdates and events.. funny that

If you want to chat, why not creating a "chat" group, instead of highjacking an existing one?

It should give a clue that on a group of around 60 parents per class (based on 2 adults per child..), it's always only 1 or 2 that keep spamming the group and no one else is interested or joining 😂

Take the hint. If they wanted to chat, they would, but they REALLY don't want to 😂

One goady post thread again?

This is what I think and I have no idea how a pp managed to contrive that the poor woman is somehow a "bully."

Send her the number of a therapist. The kind of help she needs is not available on a What'sApp group.

So is stoicism.

"Bully" might not be perfectly accurate, but is probably the nicest and less rude term to describe someone who is a nuisance with her unwanted, consistent, behaviour.

Not a bully, but just like that parent who insists on taking 10 or 15mn time of the teacher at pick -up every single day about their little darling. Every single bloody day.
Other parents have things to say too, and if you feel you are that special, at least let them go first.

It's a CLASS group, it's not her one-man show. 😂

I suffer massively with my MH and also being neurodivergent, I wouldn't do this tho time & place for it. Could someone who's closer to her (maybe her child's best friends parent) message her privately and just say 'hey I see you're struggling but just so you know, the school group chat isn't an appropriate place to post this.' there's a parenting therapy that I'm in (called the parenting project, not sure if it's all around the country or just my local area tho) maybe worth doing some digging and seeing if there's something like that that she could be recommended.

I guess the inappropriateness of posting about her MH in such a group demonstrates her ND. If you think you can provide practical help, I’d do so; otherwise I’d make the odd sympathetic noise and keep focussed on what you want out of the group. I feel sorry for her. Can imagine this as a storyline in Motherland; the sort where something serious is addressed alongside the comedy.

Yet still we have NO examples of what she has said. The original post has been read and everyone has just run with it. Before long someone here will be recommending ringing the emergency services to be sectioned and all she may have done is ask about every ones day.

I’m not loving all the messages telling the OP to “be kind”. At what point does the OP having joined a group to find out what day is purple sock day mean that she is responsible for absorbing an acquaintance’s problems?

It is possible that this person is mentally not very well and has lost the sense of when it is okay to talk about her problems (perhaps understandable)

OR

She considers the group to be her personal therapy group.

I think someone not telling a pest to "shut up/ fuck off" IS being very kind 😂

I'm not at school WhatsApp stage (not far off) but do they seriously have moderators?!

I just assumed they were set up by some of the slightly more organised parents but not in any official capacity.

Depends if the admins want to get involved/agree with OP that it's all of the time. Point is, OP doesn't seem to be admin so she can't control what other people post.

They can be either. The junior school is set up by school ( so they can see it I guess?)

The secondary one is just us mums. There has to be a admin either way as that's how WhatsApp works. Unfortunately as I'm a admin I have had to "moderate" as we decided on a group rule of no naming kids or staff by name for a slagging off. Fine to moan about homework, pe depth etc but the moment you want to name a individual you take that issue directly to school not the WhatsApp group. I have never deleted anything and never will. Unless it was illegal. But if Mr X made little Johny cry, you as Johnny's mum go to the DSL, not the parents. We have a info only group that only admin can post to and a more general chat one where we can have a moan. But one of us feeds those moans back to school if enough of us think it's a valid concern.

None that I've been in have had moderators, albeit all have been normal bog standard groups not a 'community' as that poster mentioned. They've all been thrown together by, as you say, some of the more organised and connected parents. I made ours by adding all the numbers I had in my phone already then got a couple of other people to be admins as well in case I ever got locked out. There's no structure or anything like that.

Some of the expectations people have of what's app group admins in this thread are unrealistic. I would not be impressed at being expected to draw up rules or wade into delicate social situations because people expect social labour without being willing to perform it themselves.

That was what I was thinking as well as making a note never to be a school WhatsApp admin.

Unless there is an 'official' admin, some of the suggestions in here, whilst well intentioned, seem to forget that this creates a burden on these people (not to mention extra work - how many parents have time to be 'moderating' multiple WhatsApp groups) who may have just being proactive in setting up a group. All because one person isn't using the group for its intended person.

EDIT: Using a sledgehammer to crack a nut may not be quite the right phrase for this, but I'm struggling to think of another one that conveys coming up with an disproportionately complex/onerous solution to a problem.

In most cases, they have better things to do.

And it's quicker and easier to ignore the nuisance parent, than starting a whole thing asking them to stick to the point and start an argument...

Most parents only pray they will get bored eventually, realise no one is reacting or replying to them, and they will move on...

The thing is, other people may have their own mental health challenges and traumas and might struggle to ignore her posts.

I am sure most people would be sympathetic to her needs but that doesn’t make it OK to hijack the group.

I was in a similar position, on a specific forum for a hobby. I felt someone trauma dumping about their mh/depression just wasn’t appropriate. There were posters empathising/sympathising and others asking to come back on topic. Ultimately, the nd poster (so they said, nobody knew them irl) flounced and there were lots of recriminations and accusations of sociopathic/lacking in the milk of human kindness etc. I kept well out of it, I don’t need the negativity and I’m not qualified to support mh issues. I wanted to talk about the hobby!

Nobody should be doing this on the class group, it’s not really fair on others who want quick information, not someone’s stream of consciousness about the state of their mh. However, who is going to bell this particular cat?

The trouble is by trauma dumping like this she’s assuming everyone on the thread has good robust mental health and can cope with being whinged at incessantly.

I’ve had mental health struggles and witnessed family by suicidal. I’ve worked hard and put the hours in with therapy to get to a place where I’m mentally well and honestly would say thriving. But it feels tenuous at times and someone doing that on our class WhatsApp consistently would be a real struggle for me.

as someone who’s been where she is I can honestly say she’s being selfish and needs to find a better outlet.

there are countless free online groups and forums where people have opted in to listening. Not fair on her kids parents WhatsApp group

Could I ask the posters who think the OP should be kinder to the mum posting about her struggles, why it is that they don’t think they need to be kind to OP?