Mum on class WhatsApp group going on about her MH all the time!

[Jillcc1]

This really.
My DC is in Year 5 and most of the parents are in class WhatsApp group. We chat about school stuff but also parties, Halloween events that sort of thing. No one really writes about their personal lives, health, work etc because it's not appropriate in the class chat. It should be about the kids and school, right?
There's 1 mum who goes on and onnnnnnn about her mental health and neuro diversity struggles at every single opportunity.. Even when someone might have posted a quick question about homework or school lunches etc.
She always steers the chat towards her own issues.
I get that she might be struggling, but I'd this any reason to drag other parents down and depress them? Especially when we're all busy with our own lives.

So just let her get on with it on watsapp. It might be her only outlet.

Absolutely this! If she's doing this in a WhatsApp group it strikes me as a cry for help. Does no one care about anyone outside their own little circles these days?

Look, I totally get this is awkward and everyone is busy with life. Yes, she's posting inappropriately and it must feel awkward. No, it's not the time or place. But personally I wouldn't be able to leave posts like that unacknowledged, and being ignored is going to make her feel way worse.

Is there anyone in the group she's closer to than you that could have a chat with her? I think for someone to reach out and say is she OK, she seems to be struggling, would be the decent human thing to do personally.

Yeah I never said for the group to be a sounding board. If you read my other posts, I said maybe someone needs to check in the mum and definatly her children. Still dont think someone citing mh problems should be classified as depressing and dragging people down, but each to their own I guess

Person with MH issues doesn't do the conventional thing. So it goes. I'd just let it slide and skip over those bits. I'd assume she's not seriously looking for tangible support on a school whatsapp group, more that it's just how she communicates and you can't control that so get what you need from the group and ignore what you don't need.

All these people judging OP when they haven’t even seen the messages!

She might be struggling but equally she might just be one of those people who has to make everything all about themselves. I say this as someone with a diagnosis of moderate-severe ADHD. I hate the way mumsnetters attribute all inappropriate and self centred behaviour to neurodivergence - the majority of neurodivergent people work incredibly hard to try and fit in socially!

There are thousands of mental health message boards, forums and support groups all over the Internet. They're not hard to find. Doing it on the school WhatsApp is embarrassing and inappropriate and reeks of attention seeking.

Do you think not fitting in as a failure ?

@Jillcc1 ""No one really writes about their personal lives, health, work etc because it's not appropriate in the class chat. It should be about the kids and school, right?"" You do realise that for someone with perhaps eg. autism or certain mental health conditions, they may NOT actually know this? There are all these unritten rules in our society that make it difficult for someone who doesn't understand these "rules". The kind approach would be if they have someone who knows them personally or knows their child (i know these parent whats app groups can be people you've never ever met), is for that friend to tell them directly and clearly face to face. If you dont know them at all then there's not much you can do other than ignore.

That's happened to me too in the past and it can be very burdensome. But it's rather alarming to think of no one offering somebody a listening ear for fear of them becoming a burden. That can be addressed further down the line if it became necessary. Sometimes all that people need in the moment is a quick word of acknowledgement, 'that sounds hard, hope it gets easier' sort of thing. Just to know someone gives a shit, basically. But maybe they don't these days.

Yes ,people who struggle with their mental health might lack self awareness and "attention seek".

Sure. But there's no need to try and imply that the OP is a terrible person for being irritated by it.

And quite often the excuse of neurodiversity is used to handwave away all kinds of selfish behaviour.

Yeah i don't think you are very understanding or tolerant of neurodiversity, people who can't navigate social situations are not using it as an excuse to annoy you.

YANBU op. It’s fine being a bleeding heart saint saying ’be kind’ but many people on school whatsapps (I imagine) are busy working mums with their own shit going on. When my kids were at school I hardly had time to do anything for myself let alone take on some random’s mental health issues.

It’s not easy supporting someone like that. It’s not something you can just do and hold lightly along with all your other family commitments. They’re draining and self absorbed which is the nature of it. She may need help but it’s not appropriate and it’s unfair.

It would be interesting know, as pp have asked, whether anyone has responded to her disclosures?

I agree with much of this. People love to post the pics of themselves in their running kit having done a charity walk/run for various causes, but the less self=promoting glamorous task of actually supporting people is beneath them.

Of course it isn't an appropriate use of the group, but is that really such a biggie? If you are close enough to her, reach out. If not, just ignore it. It's only a what's app group.

So many people judging you in the comments yet in the votes most agree with you. I'm with you OP. I have struggled with my own mental health issues and I don't always have the ability to be able to handle other people's problems being dumped on me.

Everyone saying "be kind" is not considering all those on the Whatsapp group who are already struggling and potentially hanging on by their finger tips and don't have capacity to be part of a support group. And you can't just ignore it, once it's been dumped on you it's in your head. If she needs help and support she should ask for it and see if people are willing and able rather than just offloading in an inappropriate forum.

“That sounds tough, Marjorie. I can only suggest you reach out to your friends and family” and then ignore.

’hi can we please keep this group for school information only! Thanks’ then if she does it again leave

It sounds inappropriate, but also like she might really be struggling. As others have suggested, somebody could be kind enough to gently tell her the WhatsApp group chat isn't the place to discuss personal issues.

In any case, her discussions needn't 'drag you down'. It sounds like you may struggle to recognise what are your feelings and what are others if you can't read or hear about someone else's feelings without them affecting you. If so, that's a you thing. You might want to see about getting some help on that, as otherwise day to day life will feel overwhelming.

I would share with the school safeguarding lead and ask that I wasn’t named specifically but it was just a parent on the group that mentioned it- they have a duty of care to the kids so need to be aware and help her get help. If she feels annoyed about this it might make her think twice about using such a public group.

What is she actually saying?

The op doesn't have to support her she doesn't even have to "be kind", but she could just read about parties and school dress down days, and get on with her life.

I might be wrong but surely if she's not the group admin and you block her from your contacts you won't see her messages?

Not the quoted poster, but I think everyone does work to fit in and that's as it should be. We live in a society where we all have to do a certain amount of considering other people's needs and preferences and that feeds through into how we interact with them. Of course that needs to cut both ways.

But fitting in is a reasonable aim. We are social creatures who function as a community.

I remember when I was at uni I struck up a friendship with two people who were outliers like me in the class. It became quickly evident one of them was a total mental zap, always going on and on about her MH and personal issues. Eventually I advised she go speak to the wellbeing team because I wasn’t a counsellor and didn’t have the capacity to deal with it. I think you guys need to do the same thing.