Mum on class WhatsApp group going on about her MH all the time!

[Jillcc1]

This really.
My DC is in Year 5 and most of the parents are in class WhatsApp group. We chat about school stuff but also parties, Halloween events that sort of thing. No one really writes about their personal lives, health, work etc because it's not appropriate in the class chat. It should be about the kids and school, right?
There's 1 mum who goes on and onnnnnnn about her mental health and neuro diversity struggles at every single opportunity.. Even when someone might have posted a quick question about homework or school lunches etc.
She always steers the chat towards her own issues.
I get that she might be struggling, but I'd this any reason to drag other parents down and depress them? Especially when we're all busy with our own lives.

It doesn't give free reign to adults to spam groups when they know perfectly well that's not the place for that.

Of course it's irritating, and parents have so many Whatsapp groups for the kids - much needed, but each club has a group, plus the friends, the parties...and. the whatsapp group for the parents themselves

Important info are being sent, and by whatsapp only.

Little Madam who is an attention seeker and spam the group about herself because she's bored and it has to be about her IS annoying for everybody. Of course you ignore, but you still waste time scrolling past her nonsense. Even when most of these groups have to be muted because of idiots like her.

I think how much of a burden comments like that are depend on the individual reading them too though. I'm very empathetic and constantly reading 'feeling down today' and other quite open comments would make me feel very stressed as it would leave me really feeling like I need to help them but not sure how I can or should help and uncertain what they might do if I don't help them and really conflicted about how to respond.

On the other hand 'Hi all. As some of you might know I'm not in the best place right now. I don't think I'm going to make little Johnny's sports day and was just wondering if someone could get pictures and cheer him on for me' I would find much easier to manage as I'd be more than happy to do this and it's being clear about expectations.

But someone must be in charge of official information on the WA. I guess I’m referring to hobby groups (choirs, teams etc). Class WA will be different, I agree. On the ones I’m on about there is definitely a co-ordinator who disseminates information to the group.

I’m with OP. It’s not the place for personal stuff and it clogs up the system and distracts from the purpose of the WA.

No, there doesn't have to be anything official about a what's app group.

With hobby groups yes it's often practical to have that. The ones I'm on for a couple of DC hobbies are run by the people who are in charge of the activity, so it makes sense. The point of the group is the official info from the organiser. But not something that just includes a group of parents who know each other and haven't taken on any responsibility.

@SwirlyShirly Are you actually suggesting that people that commit suicide do it because the people closest to them in their lives didn't love them hard enough? Because that is next level offensive
Trigger Warning
Somebody very close to me commited suicide when we were younger. It's coming up to the anniversary, so maybe that's why your post has touched a nerve. I still think about her regularly. For a long time afterwards I was so mad. Blamed myself for noticing she was a bit quiet and not immediately checking in. Was gonna text her, but had to take my Grandad to an appointment and didn't get the chance. Felt guilt for so long. It's only maturing that has made me realise she would have done it whether I called around that morning or not. She needed help. Real proper help, not just a brew and a vent. I never saw her body, but for some reason my brain has conjured an image of what she looked like hanging there and it fucking haunts me.
Be for real, please.

It's not – hence why I wouldn't do it, but it's still the case that no one owns the group or makes the rules, since it's not an official channel.

Definitely two things can be true at once - she needs help and support, and she is 'dragging everyone down' (though that's not the way I would personally word it, I get the sentiment and I think everyone else here does as well). It's hardly news that depression, other mental health issues and other chronic health issues can impact the people around you. There's a significant difference between mentioning your mental health in context, and bringing everything back to yourself all the time. As a society we might have a responsibility or duty for kindness but even people with mental health issues - of which I am one - can have self-awareness. If she has mental health issues and neurodiversity struggles then there are vastly more appropriate places to seek support than the class WhatsApp and she will know this from the fact itself that she has mental health issues and is neurodivergent.

We’ve had some real fruit loops on my DD’s Nursery wattsapp chat. I just mute and ignore

I think this is a good idea. It's not the place for her to be posting about her struggles.

Frustrating, but it sounds like she’s really struggling and desperate for connection. Try and be more patient, and ask someone who knows her better to check in on her.

I agree that you need strict rules for the group pinned up. And you might need to set up another optional group which you don't need to participate in.

I am in a group for a sport and we have 2 WA groups: 1 is called 'sport' and the rule is that you only talk about the sport and related
meet ups. Anything else is deleted! 2 is called 'sport chat and social' and you can talk about anything and discuss non sport related meet ups.

She then still has an outlet with anyone who wants to engage with her although maybe the admin should discourage oversharing of personal stuff.

I loath it when people unload on groups that are just meant to be for a general purpose. I know in an ideal world we would all have an endless supply of empathy for these people but the truth is we don’t. It’s an inappropriate use of the group. It’s why I also hate the “bring your whole self to work ethos”. It just ends up with the same people using every opportunity they can to garner support. Yes I feel bad for them but they need professional, appropriate support not WhatsApp groups and work notice boards.

When a child has additional needs, it really pushes the parent more and more. I think she’s just sharing in the wrong group what she probably needs is a SEN parents group, where others can really relate and understand what she’s going through, provide her with tips/advice.

Kindness is free, OP.

Why is it dragging you down OP? It doesn't sound like you try to help, reply or even like her so why are you bothered by her posts? Just scroll on by.

Besides you're on MN, does that not drag you down - or do you only read happy posts?

It’s possible that some parents might not realise how their messages come across. On my class WhatsApp group, I often see people saying things like how quickly their kids finished their homework or how they needed more to do. When I hear that, it’s hard my child struggles to even get through one word sometimes, and I’m doing my best. Maybe that mum feels the same way. I think some parents just don’t have the awareness that not every child is on the same level, and it can be tough to read when you’re struggling.

She may well be struggling but lots of people are struggling who won’t be plastering on random WhatsApp groups. People don’t have the capacity to take on other peoples problems.

Others on that group may well be dealing with money worries, relationship issues, elderly parents, medical worries, children refusing school/being bullied, work pressures to name but a few, they are not qualified or in any way required to help someone with their issues.

Often, it's really really not. That's why the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished' exists.

There's no suggestion the OP hasn't been kind in her group or interactions with the parents so maybe the pious lectures are unnecessary.

No one ‘has to be in charge’ of WhatsApp? There’s not any requirement to be in it for any one! There’s no duty of care which it sounds like you mean?

Sharing stories and personal anecdotes is how a lot of nd people try to connect and relate to a topic. So if someone shares a link, she's sharing to say yes i identify with this topic or whatever.

Not from an energetic perspective. Listening to or reading someone's problems has an impact on some people, this is the case for OP and for many people. I notice you are not showing kindness to OP though. You should try, apparently it's free.

It only has an impact if they themselves don’t have adequate boundaries.

Disagree. People struggling with MH issues often trample all over any boundaries you set.