Mum on class WhatsApp group going on about her MH all the time!

[Jillcc1]

This really.
My DC is in Year 5 and most of the parents are in class WhatsApp group. We chat about school stuff but also parties, Halloween events that sort of thing. No one really writes about their personal lives, health, work etc because it's not appropriate in the class chat. It should be about the kids and school, right?
There's 1 mum who goes on and onnnnnnn about her mental health and neuro diversity struggles at every single opportunity.. Even when someone might have posted a quick question about homework or school lunches etc.
She always steers the chat towards her own issues.
I get that she might be struggling, but I'd this any reason to drag other parents down and depress them? Especially when we're all busy with our own lives.

How do the other people on the group react to her? Has anyone asked how she is?

I hear what your saying, if being on the group is just about the children and school related things then I presume none of you are real true friends? She should be talking to her friends and family about this really imo but there's nothing wrong in checking she is ok and not an attention seeker, once.

One of the issues with ND as you probably know is difficulty reading social situations and norms, so she probably is misinterpreting the situation. It's embarrassing for her. I think it would be a kind thing to reach out to her privately and tell her that the WhatsApp group is for school information only and not used for chat. Remember she may only understand very literally so be clear. Or if someone knows her better they might do it. If you are not comfortable maybe a group message reminding everyone the thread is for info only. Otherwise just ignore her, what else can you do.

We have a work one which is important as people post if traffic delays, bus issues etc or general info relating to work. Some people still post 'hilarious' memes or links to tiktok or Instagram. Someone asked to keep it info only so started another casual chat thread but there are still a few dopes who can't tell the difference. It drives me mad but I just ignore it now.

Well it’s a little inappropriate and weird on a class group but she could be really lonely and struggling. It could be her only outlet. I think you seem a bit mean spirited op, it’s not really affecting you is it?

Oversharing is a trauma response. Who is the group admin? Ask them to post group rules, keep chat to it's purpose. Maybe admin to message her directly, routing her to her docs.

Nobody should feel obliged to act as free therapy or a sounding board for strangers in a space they need to be in for a completely different reason.

Making every conversation in a class group about your health issues isn't appropriate, just like making every conversation in a class group about your football team, holiday plans or anything else isn't appropriate.

'Be Kind's doesn't mean 'Let Everyone Do Whatever They Want'

I think it would be really good for people who have experienced MH struggles who understand that sometimes people reach out for support in inappropriate ways to weigh in here on practical ways you can help this person/situation without offending them or hurting them, but that may not be possible. Some people who are unwell in this way take any kind of direction badly.

At a point when she hasn't been the most recent post, the moderator should post a really clear message 'posting rules for this group - the purpose of this group is for messages relating to xyz. Because there are a lot of members on this group it is not an appropriate place for more general conversations or friendship and support, other forums or groups may be available or could be established for this. I'll politely let you know in future if your post falls outside the posting rules.' Then delete and send the rules in a message to the offender for future posts. A clear rule is good for everyone, can be helpful to someone who does not pick up on social rules easily, but might offend the sensitive - that's hard for them, but still ok to do.

She’s doing herself and her children no favours making all this information public. Very poor judgement on her part. It’s all well and good saying she needs a bit of kindness and support - but this isn’t the place she should be looking for it.

This is a good idea, maybe someone could post a general message saying 'hi all, appreciate all the lovely chat on here, but is there any chance we can stick to school topics only, it just gets a bit confusing when I've not got a lot of time on my hands to catch up'

Mute the group chat and have an occasional look at it or set up another one without her in it with people you do like

Literally this. Whilst I agree it’s not really appropriate, reading between the lines it sounds like she is struggling. So imo YABU Op and seem to be lacking basic empathy.

As an admin of a class whats app group, I'm not sure the expectation of them addressing the situation is realistic. If that was happening on ours, I'd ignore it, and wouldn't be taking on the responsibility of drawing up rules and the like. If someone else were particularly bothered, it would be for them to deal with not me- I didn't sign up to managing delicate social situations.

Surely you just ignore any posts on the group that you don’t want to respond to? That’s my approach to some of the inane stuff that’s talked about on the group chats I’m in.

School what's apps should be solely for school related things , saying that maybe she has no one else to talk to and is reaching out to the wrong people .

If you don't have the bandwidth to ask if she is OK, just scroll past, or hit delete on her messages (can you do that on group WhatsApp?!h

I would personally would either drop her a line to see if she is OK, or check with someone I know is friendly with her, or failing that flag it with the school - it sounds like she needs someone to check in

THIS x 100

Yeah because it's so easy to get an ADHD diagnosis, you just walk into the doctor and they give you a certificate and a little badge to sew onto your towel 🙄

So a woman who is struggling and Neuro diverse so may also struggle with understanding the setting of the group, is Irritating you ?

Just because something is understandable, doesn't make it not irritating.

Maybe other people in the group are struggling with being trauma dumped on all the time.

You might if you were becoming very ill. We are all at risk of spiralling mh whether we want to acknowledge the fact or not.

That is obviously true and they have an opportunity to nip it in the bud by reaching out to her. And we have no idea if everyone in the group feels the same as op. They might be better able to deal with it, ignore it etc. if this is the case then it is op who needs to adjust her tendency to control the behaviour/feelings of others. If she was at peace with herself she probably wouldn’t be bothered. It’s only a watsapp group!

And risk becoming the sole target of her trauma dumping? I've done that before and would never again.

I understand that, but nobody seems to be helping her so she continues because more than likely she has no other support.

If a mum had broken her ankle and needed help in a practical sense, would that be okay? But asking for mental health support isn’t? Before it was socially acceptable to ask for help there were far more suicides and people in the community would be shocked and say, wow I never knew she/he was depressed…

It's a hard situation. There's no way to direct her to other support and ask her to stop posting in the WhatsApp group, without massively upsetting her.