Mum on class WhatsApp group going on about her MH all the time!

[Jillcc1]

This really.
My DC is in Year 5 and most of the parents are in class WhatsApp group. We chat about school stuff but also parties, Halloween events that sort of thing. No one really writes about their personal lives, health, work etc because it's not appropriate in the class chat. It should be about the kids and school, right?
There's 1 mum who goes on and onnnnnnn about her mental health and neuro diversity struggles at every single opportunity.. Even when someone might have posted a quick question about homework or school lunches etc.
She always steers the chat towards her own issues.
I get that she might be struggling, but I'd this any reason to drag other parents down and depress them? Especially when we're all busy with our own lives.

This is why I hate WA.

I'm under pressure all the time to be in these groups for my hobbies and with friends and I just keep saying no. Yes, it's mildly (only mildy) inconvenient for me, and possibly a bit more inconvenient for others but I've so had it with WA. I suppose, with hobbies etc, I just don't know what the problem was with good old email??? Perhaps someone can enlighten me.

If these groups are set up for non-personal or non-friendhship groups, all pariticipants should get an email or something to remind them to keep it short and relevant and not do chit-chat, rumour-mongering, whinging or post ruddy memes.

It was the incessant memes which did my head in.

I agree with others than a pinned post at the top of the chat might be beneficial to remind group members that the purpose of the group is sharing class updates and coordinating activities.

Without seeing the messages we don't know the nature of them. If it's along the lines of irrelevant chit chat I would just ignore it. If you get the sense it's a cry for help I might be tempted to either reach out myself (although be careful to redirect to more qualified outlets), speak to another group member for advice/second opinion or raise it with the school safeguarding team.

Yabu for having a class WhatsApp group.

I'm interested to see Op answer the question if anyone on the group chat replies to the personal offloading messages from this woman.

One of my old friends from work now does nothing but update me as to her latest mental health issues.

She knows ive been through a lot in the last 18 months with a major bereavement and she doesnt even ask.

It is exhausting and draining and it drags you down.

It is unfair to burden and derail a primary school group chat with mental health issues constantly.

Cant she join mumsnet and vent here?

Email from who? It's ok if it's automated or something, but too much to expect someone to take on that responsibility just because they started a what's app group.

When people reach crisis point and end things, people always say ‘why didn’t they reach out?! Why didn’t they speak to someone?’ This is why they often don’t.

I know a woman that I'm not close to but I'm in several WhatsApp groups that she's in, due to children. In each of them she just pastes the same messages that have no relation to the group. Often trying to sell things, or showing off crafts that her children have done at home. Lovely, with the batch of cakes has nothing to do with whether it's PE day on Monday. It drives me crazy, but I roll my eyes and move on.

I don't mind a little bit of chat on the groups, I think it can be a sign of people getting on well, but the occasional half hour of collective moaning about changes to the food menu, interspersed with usual school admin stuff, absolutely fine. Using the class WhatsApp as your personal Facebook, urgh.

Of course you can.

Ask the admins - not in the chat - to have a word. Or to make a post saying what 5he group is for.

Has anyone reached out to her? People are quick enough to say aww wish they'd spoken up when it's too late.

Dragging you down and depressing you? Gently, please get some support if other people’s problems causes you this level of mental health issues.

You can, but as an admin of a what's app parents group I'd be saying no to that one. If someone else doesn't want to ignore the posts, they can take on that responsibility rather than expecting it of me. So I think best only to raise the issue if you're prepared to take any action yourself.

Quite.

I'm not unsympathetic but this kind of thing is why I always leave groups - other people's problems are a burden at the moment due to my own issues.

For a class WA? I want info not to have to scroll through irrelevant stuff. So I'd have to leave the group. And if it is a main means of communication my DCs would miss out. Great.

Someone needs to talk to this woman one to one and point her in the direction of help.

To the people strongly implying to OP that this woman's mental health is her responsibility where does that end? When does society become entirely responsible for an individual's happiness? There are rules to live by in society, written and unwritten. Most people would agree that complaining about your mental health on a public group containing presumably the whole class, some of who you might well not even have said 2 words to in the real world, is not appropriate. We all should be kind and look out for each other but we all have the right to set boundaries too. Yes being constantly exposed to this type of thing is emotionally draining even to the best of us never mind if we're under a lot of stress or have mental health issues ourselves. It's not wrong to protect yourself.

Agreed.

But it wouldn't be from me. I do not have the bandwidth and am VERY boundaried with others.

Maybe a compromise OP? Post a generic list of MH websites and support lines and how to access primary care talking therapies in the main chat, sign off wishing her all the best and leave it there.

My conscience would be clear with that.

Sadly when people like that woman are so selfish and self-centred , and make it all about them, there's not much you can do. Just ignore, ignore, ignore. If no one replies, she might get the message.

Class Whatsapp groups can be so useful, it would be a shame if she was ruining it for everybody.

Just ignore, she's not shy or hiding if she keeps banging on about herself, she's just doing it for attention. She obviously could talk to anyone if she wanted to.

Sorry somebody struggling is killing your vibe, OP.

I wouldn't do this myself, but no one owns a WhatsApp chat.

They don't but at the end of the day I'm not on my school watsapp group to burden myself with other people's problems/gossip/bitchiness. I'm there to make school admin easier and make the stress of organising my school child's life easier whilst juggling a demanding job and more than enough life stress of my own. If it became more of a chore for me and the school admin was being drowned out by pointless BS then I'd expect the group creator to nip this in the bud or I'd leave the group.

Exactly.

We don't need to look for drama.

Totally agree. I set up a WhatsApp group for my street at the beginning of the first Covid lockdown. It’s kept going since then and is generally useful. One of my neighbours posted something nasty about someone who had just moved out, not realising they were still on the group. Someone else then had a go at me for not having removed the person the second the removal van pulled away from the house. I said that it is not my place to police my neighbours, I am not “in charge”, and that we are all adults responsible for our own behaviour. It pisses me off that having been the one to take the initiative and set up the group somehow comes with this expectation that I’m going to take responsibility for what other people do on the group.

Just kick her out of the group if she can't behave herself. She must understand that there main aim of the group is not to provide mental health support.

“or I’d leave the group “, that’s you’re solution right there. How hard is it to just ignore posts you’re not interested it?

Someone can ask the 'group creator' then. Though it's reasonable if they think it still isn't in their remit. It's the luck of the draw with class whatsapps

It depends on what is being posted and how frequently.

If it’s the occasional message just saying things like “feeling really down today” it’s easy enough to ignore.

If it’s constant detailed messaging about mental health issues to the extent that it’s difficult to find relevant posts amidst all the drama then obviously that’s more difficult to ignore.

I have my own issues, for which I’m getting appropriate support. I don’t have the bandwidth to read about other people’s issues on a group that’s not even supposed to be about that. So I’m completely with OP on this one.