To stay a night away from home?

[Halloweenhamster]

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

Go for it and ENJOY
Take nice bubble bath etc
Breakfast tears and nibbles

Treats not tears !!!!

Stay two nights. Three, if he whinges about it again.

How on earth would you even think you were BU?
This is an absolute no brainer, of course you can have a night away.

In what other ways is your H controlling verbally disrespectful? I assume he’s too lazy to parent his own children over night?

obviously you should go but I’d also be telling your awful H to never ever dare to speak to you like that again.

Sorry my DH wouldn’t be telling me I’m “not allowed” to do anything. Go and enjoy your night - if he complains I’d make it two nights.

Don’t ask him, tell him you are taking this time for yourself.
He is your husband, not your boss, cheeky sod.

Sounds like you have a controlling husband. Does he display any other controlling behaviour in your marriage. I would go nuts if I was told I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to do something. I l tell my DP out of courtesy not permission.

Go, who the fuck does he think he is telling you your not allowed? Tell that controlling prick to fuck off.

Enjoy a night away from your DH who is a total arsehole

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out

Why/how does he think he can say this. If it were my DH I’d laugh my head off thinking it was an April Fools joke, and if nit 1st April, I’d take him off for a psych assessment thinking something had gone amiss.

Does your DH think he can tell you what to do with other aspects of your life also?

“Not allowed”? He actually had the unmitigated gall to say that??? Fuck him.

What on earth?

I thought you were going to ask if it was OK to leave the 17 year old and 12 year old alone for one night. Which I think it would be, by the way. But there is no way DH should be telling you that you are "not allowed" a night away!!!

So your DH has never, in 17 years, had to look after his own children overnight. One night away isn’t even touching the sides, OP.

This is bonkers.

I was thinking of course it’s fine before I even got to the bit about that you have a dh.

what?!?

even if you thought the 17 yr old couldn’t look after the younger child, why on earth couldn’t your dh do it?!?

this doesn’t make sense, you can’t surely have never been out overnight in 17 years?

it sounds like there is far more going on, I’d hazard a guess at abuse based on the fact you even had to ask.

I thought you were planning to leave the two children alone and even then I was going to say go for it.

I would seriously look at the rest of your relationship if your husband thinks he can tell you you are 'not allowed' to do something like this.

Your only mistake was to not go away for one or 2 nights (or even a week) YEARS earlier.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out I would ask him if he's quite all right?

Who the fuck does he think he is. It's not just normal, it's healthy to have a few weeks of freedom, sounds like you urgently need it.

Go and stay the night. Ask yourself why you'd not stay over, just because your DH told you that you're not allowed to. Ask your DH why he believes he can issue orders and expect you to obey.

You know your DH will put every obstacle in your way over this but go, your 17 yo should be well able to mind your 12 yo for one night if needs be.

Put it another way

I would not leave a 12 year old alone overnight.
I would leave a 17 and 12 year old alone for a weekend.

I would leave any combination and any age of children with their father for a week/ 10 days, unless there was breastfeeding involved. Otherwise, why bother with they husband at all?

You don't 'want to get drunk suddenly', you want to spend time with your friends. Tell him to mind his own business.

Even if i was only considering it, i'd be 100% doing it now he's said i wasn't allowed.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. But I suspect this little discussion is just the tip o fa very large iceberg of controlling and manipulative behaviour on the part of your H.

The first clue is in the long post in which you spend ages justifying something that, to any normal, rational human being, is completely fine - a night away with some girlfriends, and some shopping.

The second is in the fact that you've almost never gone away.

The third is in a combination of his hypocrisy re his drinking vs yours and the fact that he has an issue with you going out at all.

The fourth is in the age of your children - I think there's a lot of relationships liek this where, when the children are young, things all rub along fine because the woman is actually quite happy doing what makes her DH happy - ie prioritising her children (and him), not going out much etc. Then, as the children get older and more independent, she wants to start havin gmore for herself - a hobby, exercise, different friendships, and it all very quickly deteriorates as he gets more and more angry.

I would guess that without even realising it you are already quite isolated. I'd be surprised if he hasn't had issues with your friendships and/or work colleagues in the past (and currently) and if you hvaen't regularly decided to do or not do something to avoid him having a meltdown? Anything from what clothes you wear to what foods you eat to what you do with your spare time.

WTF have I just read!?!
OP, you go away for the night......

Your husband is an absolute twat- HTH

"Not allowed"? Tell him not to be so bloody ridiculous he's not your dad! I would make it a regular thing from now on.

What the hell! Tell your husband to fuck off and go and enjoy time with your friends. Do you usually need his permission to go out?