To stay a night away from home?

[Halloweenhamster]

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

Omg I can’t imagine why your husband wouldn’t let you have a rare night away with friends!! What’s his reasons? Is he jealous/insecure? Definitely go!!

You can, and absolutely 100% should go OP. As many PPs have said I thought you were going to ask if it was ok to leave the 12yro with the 17yro...

I would worry about what sort of example DH is showing their sons on how to respect and treat women. Mum also has to be an example for those boys, that her having fun independently doesn't equal her being a bad mother or wife.

He's your Husband not your Dad and you are a grown woman and not a child. My overnight bag would be packed along with a bottle of my favourite shots (pink in colour and very nice!!)

I thought this was going to be a “can I leave my 17 and 12 year olds overnight alone” thread, then I got to the DH part and I am FLABBERGASTED 🤯

of course you’re allowed, don’t ask, just book it

@Halloweenhamster go and have a good time and tell your husband he is “not allowed” to tell you what to do.

Massive red flags from the DH here. Tbh reading the thread I was wondering if you were going to ask if it's ok to leave a 12 year old supervised by a 17 year old for a night, which is probably fine depending on them as individuals. But you've got a whole ass other adult there. It's completely fine for you to go out and stay out, concerning that your DH thinks it's an issue and that he thinks you need his permission.

What?? It’s not 1918, you don’t have to do what they tell you.

Say ‘Look I’m staying in the Air BnB, I’ve worked out it’s the 5th time I’ve been away in 17 years. If you don’t like it, go fuck yourself’.

I just would not tolerate this shit for a second.

You’re in an abusive relationship.

Definitely go and make sure you put your phone on silent while you're there so he doesn't keep messaging you. Then ignore any messages you get from him. If there's an emergency, ask your 17 year old to make contact but just check your phone periodically for their texts.

Enjoy!

This 100% what a hypocritical twat! who the hell does he think he is?!!

I think this may be the least of your worries- is he a controlling prick in other aspects of your life? if so you have unanimously got support on this site, I hope that gives you the confidence to decide on your next steps.

Definitely go! Enjoy yourself and don’t think about what your husband said again. Your husband is being controlling and that is not ok!

Well I agree with everyone else, but I'd be asking him what he thinks the problem is. Presumably he thinks they (and you) will be out of control with the booze and a naked butler buffet. Doesn't he trust you? Anyway, I'd ask him, listen to him, reassure him, but make damn sure I go. Get your DC onside if necessary.

This, 100%. You don’t have to ask his permission! You say you want to spend quality time with your girlfriends including a nice chat and staying up late. You will see him the next day. You tell him, you do not ask him. This is shocking to be honest.

At the mention of "not allowed" i would've booked immediately.

I reread you post a few times and still don’t understand. He doesn’t want you to stay anywhere except with him, is that correct?

Does he stay away from hiome ever?

I think that’s the common reaction. OP, is this some kind of reverse where you’re typing about a friend’s situation or something? Because otherwise, I think a lot of us are finding it difficult to see how you could possibly think you’re being unreasonable. I imagine it’s because your husband (this is not a “D”H, unless the D stands for dickhead) has told you that you’re “not allowed.” Normal men in healthy relationships don’t say that; controlling men who are the causes in coercive relationships do.

Oh my word. I was reading this thinking you were a single mother talking about leaving your 17yo babysitting your 12yo overnight (which, depending on their maturity, might be acceptable).

When I saw you have a husband my jaw hit the floor. “ALLOWED”??!!! He can get to fuck with that attitude. He has no right to tell you you’re “ALLOWED” to do anything. Just tell him you’re doing it. And if he wants a night away with his friends another day, he is”allowed” too. Go out and have fun, for goodness sake!

I also thought this was going to be about leaving the kids alone overnight. I do ask my Dh about such things, but only cause I have a memory like a sieve and sometimes forget we/he already has plans (my kids are too young to leave). I do try to avoid making plans for me on Saturday mornings as the kids are in different clubs in opposite directions that they can't get themselves to so it's a total pain for one person to do it, but assume that's not an issue with older children.

If my DP told me I wasn't allowed to do something, I'm not sure I'd be able to stop laughing long enough to tell him to fuck off

Lo and behold: proof we still have knuckle draggers in 2025. Why the hell are you still with him?

What you have in mind in completely normal.

What does your husband mean that you are 'not allowed'? Tell him his opinion is just weird.

Your husband is a knob, divorce him.

I'd be concerned that he's saying you're 'not allowed', is he normally so controlling? In this circumstance there's no reason you shouldn't stay overnight and enjoy yourself.