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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay a night away from home?

193 replies

Halloweenhamster · 06/11/2025 12:24

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

OP posts:
Lavenduhhh · 06/11/2025 23:04

If my DP told me I'm "not allowed" to have a night away I'd split my sides laughing, then book an extra night.

JellyIegs · 06/11/2025 23:07

Who the fuck is he to tell you, a grown woman with agency, that you are ‘not allowed’ to go somewhere? I thought your AIBU was going to be about leaving the kids at home alone while you stayed away! I wasn’t expecting a
twatty man to pop up. I hope you go and have a fabulous time with your friends.

susiedaisy1912 · 07/11/2025 07:53

Op hasn’t been back, I think my suspicions were correct that this was just a goady post.

BlueMum16 · 07/11/2025 08:02

Why are you asking permission OP?

You clearly want to go, so go. Have a fabulous couple of days.

Teresa3349 · 07/11/2025 08:50

I agree with all the comments- your husband comes across as unreasonable and very controlling. As an adult you don’t need his permission to do anything for yourself. Your oldest child does not need “looking after “ your youngest child needs a reasonable adult, your husband needs to stepping up. If not voluntarily, I would be reviewing my relationship- if it were me !!

regularlatte · 07/11/2025 08:52

Jesus. I’d look a week abroad if I was you.

I inform my DH. There is none of this permission nonsense, and quite frankly, I would leave DH if he ever objected.

That goes both ways too, he doesn’t venture far but when he does - he is told to have a good time and stay safe.

HeneralClux · 07/11/2025 10:22

I've been on 4 trips abroad and several sleepovers since my son was born. He's 16 now. My DH doesn't have the strong friendships I do, and so he hasn't had the opportunity. I know I'm going to get some side comments and little sulks about the holidays, and that's ok. However, DH's attitude about nights out is different- he would rather I stay at a friend's, even the other side of the same town, than travel home on my own on public transport, and now that my son is old enough to leave, he will pick me up at any hour if I want him to. I have been told I'm lucky but I think its normal. Oh, and Not Allowed is a phrase that's not allowed in our house! What is his reason for not allowing it?

sakura06 · 07/11/2025 11:14

Oh my goodness, I thought you meant would you be unreasonable to leave the 17 year old and 12 year old alone!! They have a dad who’s refusing to be in charge for one night?!?! He sounds outrageous and controlling.

Phoenixfire1988 · 07/11/2025 12:24

Your not " allowed" ? i would of asked him exactly who the fk he thought he was to be telling me a grown adult what I can and can't do and I wasn't asking his permission i was telling him what I'm doing !!!

Retro12 · 07/11/2025 12:40

Allowed?? Tell him to fuck right off! I hope you go and have the best time and put a stop to any other controlling tendencies he may have!!

thenightsky · 07/11/2025 14:12

OP hasn't been back. I'm guessing she's not allowed on mumsnet anymore.

Morrisdancer403010 · 07/11/2025 14:36

Not allowed? What a way to treat your wife. Does he need your permission to do things.
You are your own person do as you please. He would be getting told to FO

SaltySeaAir · 07/11/2025 14:50

I did just this recently with friends - for two nights! I told my husband after it was booked, there was no asking about it. My kids aren't babies, but are younger than yours. Wouldn't have occurred to me there would be any issue.

Everyone had a lovely time, husband and kids included.

I'm sorry your husband is being ridiculous, I would just go ahead and book it.

sittingonabeach · 07/11/2025 14:53

My DH would be encouraging me to go (any decent DH would)

Swiftie1878 · 07/11/2025 14:57

You don’t need his permission. Just let him know what you are doing.

MMUmum · 07/11/2025 18:35

Tell him you were just informing him and not asking for his permission, then pack your bag and have a lovely time. If he kicks off when you get back, then think seriously about getting rid.

GreatUserName · 07/11/2025 18:36

I think you need a practice run.
Book two nights away this weekend 😉

MummaMummaMumma · 07/11/2025 20:03

Your husband should never hell you your ebot allowed to do something, unless it's something very dangerous!

nodramamama · 07/11/2025 20:06

If he says 'NoT AllOweD' again make sure you shove a thermometer up his *rse on your way out the door as he's clearly out of his mind with fever.
Then book another break as soon as you get home.

DinaofCloud9 · 07/11/2025 20:10

There is no man alive that I'd let tell me I'm not allowed to do something. Some of you have such shitty relationships.

TheFunDog · 07/11/2025 20:11

Hey I get what everyone is saying regarding the hubby's comment.... but this might be normal in the ops world so can we have a bit of thought and better advice for her?
Also she hasn't been back with a reply which might indicate a further issue for her... we need to be sensitive to some of these issues...

NotaSkivvy · 07/11/2025 20:50

Excuse me? Not allowed? I thought you said husband, not father and that you are a grown woman, not a child? How often does the other half go out, doing as he pleases? Go, spend the time with your friends, enjoy yourself and tell the "DH" to suck it up, he can stay sober and be a parent for a few days xxx

AmbeeBambee · 07/11/2025 22:59

Halloweenhamster · 06/11/2025 12:24

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

Your DH is being very unreasonable! Your children are old enough now not to be needing you during the night and you deserve time with friends - especially since you don't see these friends often at all. I think it sounds lovely to be honest! I lost touch with my university friends because my ex insisted I only ever spend time with him, basically. Is it that your DH is insecure or maybe envious as he doesn't have a group of friends? You definitely should go, but he needs to understand that its not that you are going out on the pull or whatever he thinks you are doing!!

CharlieEffie · 08/11/2025 05:59

Him using the term 'allowed" would have me booking a week away! Like you said kids arent little anymore go enjoy yourself

AnythingBUTnursing · 08/11/2025 10:57

Sounds fantastic!! Go and embrace every moment of it. He is your husband not your keeper. Tell him to grow up. He should be happy you have such a wonderful opportunity to have quality time with friends. Maybe he is jealous but who cares enjoy yourself xx

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