To stay a night away from home?

[Halloweenhamster]

I don’t think I am.

I have two dc, 17 and 12 and very very rarely have I spent a night away since they were born, only on a handful of occasions. I don’t drink much so I’ve usually driven however now and then I do like a drink - maybe once a year and not to excess but I wouldn’t even have one drink and risk driving.

It is ok if I’m out with local friends on these occasions as I can get a taxi / Uber back with them. However my friends from university want to meet in a nearish city in December. They are going out and then getting an air b n b - there’s only 5 of us and we rarely now get together like this as we are spread all over the uk. They then want to get brunch the following day and do a bit of Christmas shopping before we all head back.

I would like to stop in the air b n b, have a drink and spend some time with them. I can park at the air b n b. Otherwise I have to get the train in and then I’ll have to Uber back on my own - which will cost as much as the air b n b - or not drink and drive in and then drive back in the middle of the night.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! I don’t want to get drunk but I would like to relax, have a couple of drinks and then not worry about getting home. Plus I’d quite like the day with them the following day too.

AIBU? My dc aren’t even little anymore!

Is he the reason you don't go out very often?

Same!

16 years I've been on this website, and that's the first ever 100% YANBU I have ever seen.

He used the word 'allowed ' ?

WOW

Go for more than one night !

It actually has nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with you having a life of your own. Please go and enjoy some personal time with your friends

Since I last posted, the poll has changed from 100% to 99%.

Who on earth could think OP was BU ?
Any chance you might explain your reasoning ?

Has he always been a CF?

It might have been a fat finger moment
or
It could be OP's Dick Head

AIBU to call your DH a massive fucking spunk stain?

My first question to him would be: why? What do you do when you go out that you think I'm going to be getting up to?

This 🙌

Not allowed?!

Go. And tell him not to be there when you get back. Controlling arse.

“Not allowed”? Christ, I hope you laughed in his face! If my DH came out with that kind of shite, I’d think he was unwell!
You are of course perfectly “allowed”. He however has literally zero right to tell you what you can and cannot do. Tell him you weren’t asking, you were telling, this is what’s happening. End of. Go and enjoy yourself, and if he makes it difficult? You need to have a rethink about how your marriage is (or is not) working for you.

I used to go to the works Christmas party which often involved a night away. My DC were under 12 and DH encouraged me to go, he used to bring DC to pick me up from the hotel

Your "H" is totally unreasonable, he's quite capable of parenting his own DC for a change as I bet he's rarely done it. What a selfish prick

edited for typo

‘Not allowed’, is very concerning, but added to this I’m wondering what else you are not allowed.

I honestly thought you were asking about leaving your children on their own and if their age was appropriate. Then you said "D" H was at home? WTAF? If I said I was going to spain for a week dh would be a bit miffed as we have a dog and toddler but absolutely would not bat an eye at 24-48 hours!

The only way you'd be unreasonable is if you stayed married to this AH

They are going out and then getting an air b n b

Why are you saying 'they' not 'we' and then justifying half your post with alcohol-that's irrelevant.

DH-I'm going to spend the weekend with uni friends in an Airbnb on the weekend of the x, just to let you know.

Whether you drink or not drink, it's not important-you want to spend time with them that day and then overnight and the next day.

Why is he your boss?

He probably thinks you're planning to cheat, we says a lot about what he gets up to when he is out.

Not allowed?

Who does he think he is?

Is this the tip of a horrible iceberg?

Over 1,000 votes but OP hasn’t come back.

This will be a shocking read op as you’ve been so worn down over the years, you’ve lost sight of what is normal. None of this is. Talk to your friends.

Omg. I thought you were going to ask if ywbu to leave the 12yo with the 17yo.

'not allowed' cheeky bastard.

Why are you asking permission? DH and I tell each other about our plans and check one of us is home/not inconvenient etc., but we would never ask permission. He's not your dad!!!

I really hope you go OP.

I am betting that you more than deserve this overnighter with your friends!!

You are in an abusive relationship.
this was exactly the type of bollocks my ex dh would have said, it took me a long time to realise and acknowledge the abuse / the forms it took.

DH is saying I am ‘not allowed’ to stay out and he doesn’t understand why I ‘suddenly want to to get drunk’ which is hypocritical as he is quite a heavy drinker! - well that answers why he doesn't want you to go out.

If you go out, he'll have to stay sober and responsible now won't he?

How can you stay with a man so controlling?