To not pay stepchild’s private school fees.

[CloverRiver]

My stepchild is 13 and has 3 years left of secondary school. They’ve been in a nice private school for the past 2 years, funded by my DP and his ex-wife. They benefited from a reduction and discount in fees.

My stepchild recently came to live with us full time, this is ordered by the court and social services and it has been traumatic for him. I’ll avoid details because I don’t want to out myself and to protect their privacy.

My issue: My stepchild’s school has now said that, as my stepchild is living with us full time, they want to assess my income and I need to be a co-signature to his school fees. I do not want to be liable for school fees, potentially thousands a year. If I sign this contract I will be made joint and severely liable, if for whatever reason DP didn’t pay or we split up I’d still be liable for it. I also do not want my accounts being analysed in depth, audited etc. DP and I are not married but we do live together and have done for a number of years.

I have told DP that it’s a firm no but he is now really cross and adamant this will potentially mean his child loses his place at school. The school has sent two emails now saying they want my income details and that they expect me to sign the contract. Before people suggest pulling him out and putting him in state, he has moderate autism, so he really does need and benefit from the school.

Is the ex wife being removed as a signatory?!

Not a chance I would be signing anything. As horrible as this may sound, his child is not your responsibility and I’d be having nothing to do with it.

No I wouldn’t be happy doing this either. You’re not married so his school fees are not your responsibility. As you say, if you break up your name is still on this.

Are you in the UK? I have never heard of this as a “thing” from a UK private school 😵‍💫

This sounds utterly bonkers. Are you in the UK? It doesn't sound feasible that the school would have any legal right to demand your income be assessed.

Not your child, not your responsibility. What if you spilt up you would still be held accountable for the school fees! Your partner needs to explain to the school.

I don't get it. Say dp moved in with his sister or a friend, would they also have to pay?

Do you legally have parental responsibilities now? Are you named in any sense on the court order as a legal guardian for eg?

I would take legal advice. Do you have access to a helpline with your home insurance?

Unless your stepson has a bursery and him now living with you means they need to re-assess his eligibility for reduced fees? Is that what they are asking for?

This. Ask the school to provide the legal proof you need to give them access to your finances.
Have you been given parental responsibility for the child?
I can’t see how they would remove the school place if your refused to cooperate. Surely it’s all just on your DP. Are you sure he hasn’t put you forward for some reason? It sounds odd.

I would stand firm on this. You can’t be the only family in this situation.

I’m also wondering if the ex has opted out and passed the responsibility to you and dp. Why can’t she continue to be the second person? Why do they even need a second person? What do single parents do?

Sorry, when I say the school are demanding, they are basically saying that they expect both adults income in the household to be assessed (mine and my DPs) and if I do not agree to the assessment they will have to reconsider the discount my stepchild receives which in turn will mean he will have to leave the school. His mother doesn’t provide any financial support and she isn’t allowed any contact with him.

The school can’t force you to have financial responsibility - I would continue to refuse.

You could move out? Then you won't be responsible.

Poor kid though. They've been through a lot.

That’s a good point.

It’s utterly impossible to advise on this without knowing-

1. the information you don’t want to give re how/ why DS came to live with you
2. what the contract your DH originally signed with the school says, re taking incomes into account

You can see why school wouldn’t want to carry on giving him a bursary/ discount if there’s additional household income (ie yours) that they haven’t taken into account. They might have kids in more need of the bursary than him, bearing in mind that your money is part of the household pot, so cannot not be relevant.

Whether this “should have been considered” before changing residency arrangements entirely depends on what the reasons/ background for that are (see above).

It does not sound reasonable that you are being asked to do this by the school. Your partner is taking this out on the wrong person. Are his Mum and Dad still going to be paying the school fees?

I'm wondering if step child has a bursary which is dependent on parental income? But otherwise agree with @LemonLeaves.

So can your DP even afford the fees without the bursary or his ex’s help?

No he can’t.

I also do not have any parental responsibility for my stepchild, I’m not his guardian or anything, just the partner of his dad.

Your income being Inluded in assessment doesn't necessarily mean youd end up liable for payments. Discuss with the school a little more, seems a little weird that your income simply being included means liability for payments - it would just be a case of reassessment if you and your ex split, with your ex solely liable.

It’ll be a Bursary assessment. They are very thorough. Do you have children or any dependents that you need to account for @CloverRiver?

If it's for the purpose of assessing financial assistance then yes your income would be considered as you live together as a couple. It isn't fair but it's the way things work.

Nope, they’ve said they want to assess my income and I’ll have to sign a contract making me joint and severely liable for the fees.