To not pay stepchild’s private school fees.

[CloverRiver]

My stepchild is 13 and has 3 years left of secondary school. They’ve been in a nice private school for the past 2 years, funded by my DP and his ex-wife. They benefited from a reduction and discount in fees.

My stepchild recently came to live with us full time, this is ordered by the court and social services and it has been traumatic for him. I’ll avoid details because I don’t want to out myself and to protect their privacy.

My issue: My stepchild’s school has now said that, as my stepchild is living with us full time, they want to assess my income and I need to be a co-signature to his school fees. I do not want to be liable for school fees, potentially thousands a year. If I sign this contract I will be made joint and severely liable, if for whatever reason DP didn’t pay or we split up I’d still be liable for it. I also do not want my accounts being analysed in depth, audited etc. DP and I are not married but we do live together and have done for a number of years.

I have told DP that it’s a firm no but he is now really cross and adamant this will potentially mean his child loses his place at school. The school has sent two emails now saying they want my income details and that they expect me to sign the contract. Before people suggest pulling him out and putting him in state, he has moderate autism, so he really does need and benefit from the school.

Correction: My DP and his ex-wife have lost the bursary. Naff all to do with me.

Good idea.

Not if he wants to prioritise costly non essentials over school fees. But most parents applying for bursaries understand that.

Were not expecting people to live like paupers - budgeting for a modest holiday each year would be OK for example, but not a £20K luxury holiday.

About the granting of the bursary, no OP doesn't, but she does about her own finances and she cannot be compelled to enter into a contract against her will.

OK,your DP.
Becase he lives with you.

OP I read all your posts but not all others.
Can you not LEND the money to DP using a formal legal arrangement - a contract with him to repay you possibly in instalments perhaps monthly over 5 -6 years.? If he defaulted you could pursue him for the money and even bankrupt him if he did not pay you back?
I think he should be willing to have a loan rather than a gift of the money.
As Theresa May said ''There is no magic money tree.''

I'm not quite sure where a jury or fraud come into this, my original suggestion is moot because OP tells us DP is on the mortgage, which may still impact them living separately, but that's another story.

The OP is not the schools customer, has never had any form of contract with them or paid them any money - she cannot be guilty of fraud in a situation from which she does not gain and is refusing to engage with. They can do what they want with the information provided, or not.

obviously not

You had some advice further back for your partner to book in a meeting with the bursary to discuss the situation.

I think this would be a better way forward than just refusing to sign the paperwork and essentially threatening them with your DP moving out.

If your husband can't afford the whole fee then he can't afford to set up a separate household and continue to pay the £1200, so the 2 possible outcomes would be (1) he moves house then has to move the lad anyway or (2) he asks for a higher bursary now that he is living alone. The school are not stupid, they will see right through him moving out conveniently into a rental as soon as they asked you for a contribution. You (plural - and mainly your partner TBH) would only antagonise them by taking this route.

You're not in a fight with the school. Your partner is receiving charity from them. He should go and discuss it with them before bridges get burned.

PPs have mentioned EHCP and DLA which can both help as an alternative to the bursary but both would require your partner to pull his finger out, because both can take many months.

For example they might agree to keep the bursary in place for Y9, giving him time to pursue EHCP and DLA and make a decision whether to use those to support the private school place into Y10 & 11 or finding a new school for start of Y10. But your partner has a better chance if he talks with them than if you sent a curt email saying not your problem and DP will be moving out.

who is committing the fraud?

They should have done if he lived with her. Highlighting this deception to the school/bursary company doesn't feel like a good plan. If your DP signed fraudulent paperwork, he may well end up in very hot water.

who is signing to any paperwork?

They are giving a discount due to their parents income. It sounds normal the school assess the joint household income. Same as if for example a single parent was on benefits and a partner moved in,

It seems that they have been giving a discount on parent's income & now wish to change to household income.

This could be though that the son is now living full time with Op & his dad and perhaps previously was listed as living full time wit his mum?

Whoever signed the fraudulent paperwork. Hopefully that's the ex, but it would depend how the paperwork was set out.

If he moved out he’d be entitled to benefits so he probably could afford a cheap rental and discounted school fees to be honest.

Do not refer to yourself as a step parent. You are not married and have no parental responsibility.

And that's the point, you have no involvement here, you are (quite sensibly) not prepared to bare your financial soul or sign up to contracts with the school.

That's it really!

OP, you will need a new thread if you want to continue to update us. This one is filling up in ~6 posts.

But we can agree its not the OP, and as far as can be ascertained no one has yet committed any fraud.

He’d still be entitled to benefits whilst paying private school fees?! 😳

There are plenty of step-parents who are not married to the parent or have parental responsibility.

I find these assumptions annoying.

There seems to be an underlying assumption that the cohabitation means the parties involved are a longterm committed couple on the track to marriage/blended family, with comingled finances, etc.

Yet they haven't taken any of the legal steps to be married or domestic partners. We talk about how marriage provides financial protection and obligations, so shouldn't the state of NON-marriage also provide protection from assumptions and obligations? One is either married or not. (or in a civil partnership, or not.)

Just because they are co-investors in the house they live in doesn't mean they are in the relationship for the rest of their lives, or obliged to take financial responsibility for one another and one another's relatives.

(I realize the bursary decisions can be based on anything including what color car they are driving or the phase of the moon, should the private school desire, but I'm talking about posters here saying things like "you either are a family or you are not.")

Who says the aim of living together is to be a "family" ?? Others can't decide that. i personally have lived with a couple of men in the past for fun, for expediency and other reasons, not because I intended them to be my "family" or for the relationship to last more than a couple of years.

Getting married is the public declaration of becoming a family, in our society. The OP has chosen to not do so, so why is everyone guilting her about not wanting to further financially support her boyfriend and his child?

£43k is a lot to lose from pension or inheritance for own adult kids

and totally get why you said no

this is nearly full. Maybe do another thread and link it to this thread @CloverRiver

By this logic any adult children living at home would also need to declare income as a adult in the household

Benefits don’t tell you how the money is to be spent. If he moved out he’d be entitled to child benefits and a UC top up on his wage as a single father + his current bursary if not more. I’ve just been on the online calculator.