To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

Sorry OP but why are you letting him stay at all? What is he bringing to your life and to your kids lives?

Kick him out.

When you raise these issues with him, what does he say?

Let’s be honest, you already know the answer.

Of course he should be taking any job.

What exactly does this lazy, good for nothing bring to the party?

He needs to get a job, any job or he’s out. Simple as that and mean it

He needs to pay up or ship out. What a lazy arse. Poor wee one not getting any dinner. Hes not pulling his weight. Have The Talk.

He sounds like a complete waste of space, I would kick him out.

Cocklodger. Get rid. Actively turning down jobs to sponge off you and play video games! What a prince amongst men. Seriously, get rid of this loser.

£400 a.month for all food and bills and now he isn't even paying that or doing anything to help out. He saw you coming. Please send him back to his sister.

Ugh. Even if he took the job I’d kick him out. Don’t teach your kids that this is what relationships should be.

You've taken in a bum OP, is this really the example you want to set for your children? That it's fine in a relationship to just vegetate in someone's house eating all their food and doing fuck all?

He sounds like someone's teenage son to be honest.

Jesus Christ he's living with you rent free whilst turning down jobs and you're buying him alcohol?

Of course his declining job offers. Why would he work when he can sponge off you?

What?

Get rid. I had this exact situation a year ago, I allowed it for the best part of 3.5 years and he was vile to me on top of it. He has no respect for you. It won't get better. Please get rid of him!

I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).

Why are you doing this? Are you so desperate to have a man that you will put up with this?

£400 including full board like a hotel? He’s taking you for a ride. The rent should have gone up snd he should pay enough to cover his food on top. That he doesn’t offer this himself suggests he is a waste of space.

He's only lived with you 18 months and he's dossing around because he can.

Tells you everything you need to know.

Tell him he either accepts a job and increases the amount he pays to double his previous amount or he has to leave.

FFS WOMAN UP! You're a mother. Provide a better example for your children.

What on earth?

Honestly I am constantly amazed at what women put up with. Why do you think this is all you are worth? What does he bring to your life? Are you really happy to have this man acting as a role model to your children?

He is the very definition of a cocklodger. He obviously thinks he's got it made. He can do what he likes while you do all the work and bring in all the money.

This. And why are you paying for his hobbies and expenses. It must be like having another kid. I would get rid.

Why the hell are you paying his bills?!

You don't need him to accept a job offer. You need him out of house! (And life).

You do not have to pay for his hobby or alcohol.

He can sell his gaming crap to pay you some of what he owes you.

I don't even know how to vote, YABU to have this man in your house for £400 a month who probably eats that amount of food, YANBU to think he should take any job or he has to leave.

It’s like having an extra child. Throw this one back in the water 👋🏼 🥾 🍑

Is there a point to him?

This one is not a keeper. He’s taking you for a ride and you deserve so much better.