To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

If he can’t pay his way then kick him out. No way should you be paying to keep him.

He is absolutely taking the p. I fail to see why you have put up with this for so long. He’s settled into a lifestyle which suits only him. Sounds as if he gives nothing. He is absolutely taking advantage of you and what you provide.
”I only eat meat meals”….and he’s not contributing🙄, never mind disturbing your sleep and not seeming to do a hands turn about the place. Boy he’s gold dust this chap!

What an utterly useless lazy, selfish, sponging, overgrown child he is.
Kick him out immediately @bonfiretoffee88. You have enough responsibilities without needing to support such a loser.

Vile. Even if he takes a job, I’d still be kicking him out. I have the ick for you. There’s no coming back from this.

He’s a cockloder I’m glad that you are telling him to leave. Good luck

Weraju

YABU for putting up with this massive cocklodger! Send him back to his sibling! What do you actually get out of this relationship? He sounds like an immature man child. Get rid ASAP.

I voted YABU because you shouldn't have let him get away with this from the first job being declined. He sounds like a waster you're better off without him

Have the talk OP. Get him out. He's taking the piss. You deserve so much better.

Get that freeloading, parasitic waster right out of your life.

I struggle to have sympathy for anyone who puts up with this sort of exploitation AND allows it to seep into the lives of their innocent children.

Your children will utterly resent you for this if you do not get your act together and get him out.

Wasting your financial resources on a man when your children should be your number one priority.

They deserve a calm, clean and safe home how are you providing this when they have to put up with what I can only describe as a liability.

Him not bringing in any money should result in him doing absolutely all the housework to make up for it. Any decent man in this situation would do it while looking for a job (and would have taken one of the three already offered). This guy is a waste of space. Kick him out.

You appear to have acquired a cocklodger.

I agree entirely. Mumsnet really opened my eyes to the world of mothers who will value a penis in their bed at night over the needs and safety of their children.

I’m sorry I wouldn’t accept such a waste of space in my house regardless of the job issue

he thought the 9 year old would sort him/herself out so didn’t think to feed them? Really?

if he is insisting on meat then he absolutely should be buying his own but that’s the least of your worries really

GET RID

Please, please boot him out. He’s a fucking deadbeat. He’s taking the piss out of you and setting a terrible example for your kids. What a loser.

He has an expensive sports car but refuses to get a job! 😩 honestly op this gets worse. Tell him you need him gone by the end of the week. Pack his stuff up for him if you have to.

What in the fuckity fuck have I just read??!
This absolute walloper is taking the maximum piss. Get him in the bin, ASAP. No excuses, no more chances. OUT.

Yabu because you're letting him treat you like a total mug

The word cocklodger was invented for this bloke.

turf him out asap.

Well done OP, you’ll be much happier without someone like that in your life. Wishing you all the best x

Just read the bit about you paging for his hobbies and car!! wtf! Of course he isn’t motivated to get a job. You are paying for his lifestyle and doing all the housework! This is totally nuts please update when you’ve given him the boot

Kick the cocklodger out

Why have you put up with this Op? Has he got a golden cock?

The job offer is the least of your problems

he’s a class A cocklodger.