To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

Well done.
It's not about the job is just total lack of respect and taking you for granted

I think this might be the most emphatic kick him out thread for a bit - glad you will!!

Good for you. Get rid of him, job or no job. You're better off without him. Lazy arse. Bet he's never had to take care of himself.

I voted YABU for letting him stay and take the piss. Get rid!

If he was paying you such a pathetic amount how on earth does he need you to pay his bills now? Surely he should have a massive savings pot after leeching off you for so long. Get money off him if he has any and then kick his pathetic ass out.

Tell him to get the fuck out of your house. Now.

YABU not to have kicked him out. Why have you brought this useless slob into your children's lives, to live off you, fuck up your living environment, and take your financial resources and physical/emotional energy away from your kids?

What an absolute loser. He sounds like a 17 year old boy living at home in his mums box room. If he’s not working he needs to get off his ass and take care of the house. As a side note, as your partner of several years who lives with you and your young children, he should be wanting to take care of all of you, which includes splitting the bills. Why are you with this fool? What do you get out of this relationship? It’s a hard no from me.

Sounds like a classic hobosexual- did he have an “emergency” requiring him to move in as well?

Good for you OP! Also even if he accepts this last job offer, why would you like a partner that is more like an extra child. Doesn’t help to cook, clean, etc.

Sooooo true - kick him out!

Please please stick to your word and get rid. He sounds like an utter loser who has zero respect for himself never mind you. Good luck, don’t be guilted, he’s not no guilt towards what he does to you.

The money you’re spending on this sponging loser - and it sounds like it’s a lot - is money you could be spending on your kids or saving for your/their future.

Get some self-respect and end this, stat.

Good for you OP. He is taking the piss. £400 per month should never have included his additional food.

If you are not working you get income asap and then look for something more suitable.

Jeez that's some next level cock lodging that is.

Exactly! What are you getting from
his being in your life? Put you and DCs first and tell him
to stay in paid work AND prove his worth in your house, or to go.

OMG so glad to read your last post!
who cares about the job - just get him the hell out of your life!!
Do not fall for the MASSIVE guilt trip coming your way. Imagine any of your children behaving this way because they saw you tolerating it, and stand firm!

You pay for his car, hobby, alcohol, phone? What are you? His mother? Get rid of this useless load of shit! NOW!

@bonfiretoffee88 good luck, you sound very grounded and sensible. People like your DP were the bane of my life when I worked at the job centre. Refused to take on FT NMW instead of treating it exactly as you said, a temporary state during which they could look for better. Even when I offered to sign off on a travel card for first month, work clothes/boots etc. There’s a certain type of person that just gets very comfortable very quickly on the ‘ol dole.

Your focus is in the wrong place.

You should be asking “WIBU to kick
this lazy cocklodger out of my house?”

I guarantee you would get one of those landslide 100% YANBU to kick him out.

Raise the bar and want more for yourself, and if not for you, think about the example you are setting your DC.

YANBU to expect him to take accept any of those job offers. However, YABU to put up
with this useless cocklodging sack of minge. I’d be kicking him out for this behaviour.

I hope you follow through with this bonfire. You have a classic cocklodger.

You deserve better than this and your kids deserve a better example of how you respect yourself, your kids and your home.

You have a Cockfosters. Dump him. Having him there is costing you money. You are diverting funds from you kids to support a grown arse man.

Well done for binning him OP. Please follow through with it, he will come up with all sorts of sob stories and "I'll improve!" nonsense. Just get rid.

If this is real 🤔

'He can't be a delivery drive because he has an expensive sports car'

Then yes, you need to kick him out.