To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

He must have been angry when he broke the oven door. And very angry to bin the important paperwork. Change the locks. He is furious and will try various tactics to get back including threats of self harm, sob stories, manipulating tactics to make you feel guilt/ empathy. " deep cleaning" another tactics to show he has done " something". A bit like a trade off in his eyes.

I think the 'deep clean' was his paraphrase of 'go through all her stuff till I find the bits I want". Sadly.

I'm not sure logging things achieves anything - reporting the theft of the sensitive documents (individually listing official documents like passports) and getting a crime number would be a good start, and then applying for new passports stating clearly that the old one was/ ones were stolen.

This was systematic sabotage designed to punish you.

The 'deep cleaning' was a smokescreen to make him seem reasonable and helpful - while making it easy going into all your private property in detail, when he knew you'd be out at work. He knew you'd have refused him entry.

And how old is your daughter?? She must have been frightened having him banging about her home with nobody else there - just how hard do you have to slam/kick an oven door to break it?

Get those locks CHANGED.

Make a police report and take their advice. I doubt he's really tipped your documents - tell them about this NOW because they may find the folder hidden wherever he's staying now.

Might be worth contacting Action Fraud for their advice, too - he's probably planning something.

https://www.actionfraud.police.uk/

So you dumped him and kicked him out, but didn’t take your keys away from him? So he could come back. Didn’t think to take his keys away before now?

Have you actually ended the relationship?

I imagine he’ll be back in your house in a few months and you’ll be back to accepting his behaviour because you want a man around.

Have you changed the locks?

Have you made the police report?

Have you contacted the relevant organisations about your docs?

This is IMPORTANT