To expect partner to accept job offer?

[bonfiretoffee88]

Background : I have 3 children who are not my partners, they live with me half of the month, the other half with their dad. My partner moved in with us 2 years ago. He has no children. He pays me £400 per month, as before he lived with me he lived with his sibling and that was what he paid them, and we agreed it wouldn't be fair for him to pay 50% of household bills as my outgoings are more due to my children. My bills have raised significantly since he has been here, mostly food, as he will not eat a single meal that doesn't have meat, whereas we used to eat mainly veggie.

I work full time. A few months ago, he lost his job. Since then, he has been actively job searching, had plenty of interviews and 3 job offers. He declined the first one as he didn't like the early start time, he declined the second because it was too far away, and the third because he wanted a higher wage (it was above minimum wage, and only paid 3k a year less than me as a healthcare professional). I think he has high expectations / demands for which jobs he is willing to accept as he has minimal qualifications and works in a manual job think along the lines of a labourer on a site.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, but I am fed up of coming home after a 13 hour shift, to find him gaming and the house is a mess - dishes not done, washing left on the line to be rained on, the other day he was eating his tea when I got back but when I asked if the kids had eaten he said he thought he would have fed themselves, so he hadn't actually fed them and the youngest is only 9. He also sits up until 3am talking into his headset, which really disturbs my sleep and I need to be up at 5am for work. He doesn't get out of bed till after lunchtime, when I work nightshift I have to come home, take the dog out, feed the dog and do all the washing / food prep before I go to bed as he just wouldn't. Financially I am struggling because now not only do I not have the £400 from him each month, I also have to pay his bills for him (car, hobby,alcohol, phone).
AIBU to think he should accept any job he is offered and then look for a better one when he is employed?

Cocklodger. Get rid asap.

i voted YABU as you’re being a mug. You don’t HAVE to pay his bills for him. He’s a grown man and needs to sort his own shit out. Kick him out! He’s getting a great ride, game all day, you pay his bills. Why on earth would he accept a job?!

He's taking the piss.

He needs a job, any jobs. He needs to pay his way now.

Do not pay any of his bills. Stop immediately.

If he won't contribute and be part of your household both financially and physically it's time for him to move on.

Thanks for confirming my thoughts. Tonight, the local takeaway had an advert for delivery drivers, which I thought sounded like easy money, and he has done this work before when younger. But he said his car isn't suitable, it's an expensive sports car. He has been on some training days with a recruitment agency this week, but he has a reason why every job they have isn't suitable.

Girl, what are you doing?!?!?!

Aw come on OP, when did you have mug tattood on your forehead?

You have yourself a cocklodger. He has no intention of getting another job. Get rid of him or he’ll still be sponging off you in ten years’ time.

Ffs - why aren’t you thinking of your DC and what a piss poor role model he is for them?!

Wtf is wrong with women like you / desperate to have any man in her life to put up with this shit?!

You don’t have to pay for anything of his, including meat. I’d tell him to piss off, but if for some inexplicable reason you want to let him stay, stop keeping him. And make it clear that he does his share of stuff around the house.

And have a deadline, so when all that fails, you can tell him to piss off.

Kick him out then.

He moves out.. simple..stop being a mug

Cocklodging loser. Get rid.

Or you're just showing your kids that this is what relationships should be like. They will repeat your pattern.

If you want them to end up in a relationship like this, carry on. But if you want to show them, and you! that you deserve better, kick this lazy mooching, cheeky fucker out! Today!

Cocklodger.

Off he fucks

Do you respect him? I couldn’t stay with a man who I don’t respect. And, from what you’ve written, I don’t think I’d respect your partner.

I am going to tell him he has to leave, I just needed that push and to hear from others - I've been too embarassed to tell my friends and family about him refusing the job offers.

I'm not 'desperate to have a man', thanks...

This venting has been cathartic.

FFS!!!!
what in the actual name of f*ck are you playing at OP??

He didn’t need a new job, he needs a new place to live. Turf his pathetic,childish lazy arse out and find your self respect

Well done you. You absolutely deserve more.

Thank you for coming to the AIBUClinic today! After looking at your symptoms, I'm afraid it is conclusive that you have a chronic case of Cock Lodger.

The only treatment plan I can recommend for this affliction is to wash your hands of it. Remove all traces of it with immediate effect. Your finances, happiness and household will be healthier.

It's been a while since we had a genuine, 'grade A' cocklodger thread on here.

Well done OP. He has friends, don't get suckered into giving him a months notice or you'll never get rid. He can go back to his brother's if needs be.

Sending strength

What a fucking loser....
£400 must barely cover his food. He should be ashamed.

Tell him to fuck off out of it and get back to his siblings... you'll be better off financially and wont be wasting your time cleaning up after him.

If he tries to argue and promise to take the next job just say no sorry, even the amount you pay isn't enough anymore and I have actual children that come first, him being there not paying his way is taking money you could be using or saving for them.

Don't let him manipulate you anymore, he is a selfish twat.

Sounds like a pathetic waste of space.

He has such a lovely car, he can go sleep in that. You don't owe him anything op! Gone! Enjoy your peace and freedom.

#cockodger (TLDR and as I’m sure it’s already been mentioned) - get rid of the lazy arsed ponce asap!