To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

Yes, I might well be much more hesitant if I had my own.

I would NEVER EVER hit a baby!!!!!!! (You said "to hit one of our babies.")

Regardless of how much a dick they were being...I don't know. What if you have a completely wild child who won't listen, ever, and has done something really naughty, like keyed your car? What if consequences and talking hadn't worked? What do you do then? What would YOU do?

Why on earth do you want to imagine the much loved ghost children being hurt? Imagine them being kissed and hugged and loved and taken to pleasant activities and shown all the love and kindness and patience in your soul. Not some obedient little robokids. May be worth seeking some counselling. Sounds like a lot could be talked about and solved. I hope you find happiness in your life.

I am curious what “extreme circumstance” you envisage that smacking would be a reasonable response to @Horsie ?

I guess I'm envisaging (if I had) a child who was just totally uncontrollable, who never listened, who cared nothing for consequences, and who was forever doing really naughty things like keying the car, or scribbling all over newly mounted wallpaper. That's what I mean by in extremis. Ideally, you'd have more of a rational child who did respond to talking and consequences.

My ghost-child is perfect, btw.

Just replied above.

I don't imagine them being hurt!! I thought of it in response to this thread. I do imagine the things you said.

Well in that case it wouldn’t be “extreme circs”

you would have a child that has serious behavioural issues. Possibly ND. So you’d be smacking… hourly

do you see how that doesn’t stack up?

* who never listened, who cared nothing for consequences, and who was forever doing really naughty things like keying the car, or scribbling all over newly mounted wallpaper.*

so ongoing behavioural issues
so you would envisage smacking just being part of daily life?

I don’t think I’m alone in breathing a huge sigh of relief about something…..

Oh I thought it was the other person responding apologies. I disagree I thought it was rude and full of personal judgements “you haven’t taught him” etc. she knows nothing about me or my child “blather on “ is a far less insulting and personal thing to say to someone

I have a wild child, if someone keys your car why would hitting them help? If a random keyed your car would it be ok to hit them?
If not why is it ok to hit a child for it?

You continue to teach them, you seen help for the, you seek behavioural techniques from people who actually know what they're doing.

Those people advise gentle parenting, responsive parenting, they don't recommend hitting them because it doesn't work. Statistically, scientifically etc etc doesn't work.

So that's what I did and I now have a child who'd respite all his trauma is in mainstream school and a delight to be around. He requires sensory input. He needs a lot of physical outlet. He needs to be watched for overwhelm. And when I do all that, when all that effort is put in he's able to learn and improve and over time has learnt the skills to help himself do those things.

What one arth would hitting him have done that you think would be better?

Then why do you want actual living breathing children to be hit?

Of course I wouldn't be smacking them hourly!

Of course not!

I honestly haven't thought about it in such depth.

But what you described isn’t “extreme circumstances”

it was a child with very very serious behavioural issues

so the “extreme circumstances” would be multiple times a day

you’d be thrashing them all day!

Don't be so horrible! I would have been a lovely, accepting cuddly mummy - much nicer than YOU!

Yes, that is abundantly clear

well we will never know
And your theoretical child will thankfully
never be smacked

Well, then.

We are getting somewhere! Finally

We sort-of know. I'm a lovely auntie.

Sure you are

??

Yes, yes, you're right, I'd "thrash" them multiple times a day, and twice on Sundays!

Idiot.