To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

Nope, you’re still here

Can't be bothered going all the way back but your first comment was along the lines of I can't help but feel all bad behaviour comes back to kids not being afraid of being physically punished anymore. Even left leaning states in the USA are probably hitting kids. The UK is in the shape it's in because it's not socially acceptable to hit kids

Well, why shouldn't I? I have nieces and nephews, and just because you don't have your own kids doesn't mean you don't have a brain and can't have some thoughts about what you'd do. I wanna join in.

Wow, the last page of this thread has been incredibly weird.

I think gentle parenting might have helped ease some posters' combative and juvenile attitudes.

Parenting involves being a parent. Not having some contact with children parented by others.

How old ARE you? Did you want kids? Does this all come from wanting but not having your own? And I mean that kindly. I was childless not by choice for years due to fertility struggles so can sympathise

Oh, that. A poster said that kids rule and they know it, and I said I'd noticed a big difference in the behaviour of US and UK kids, and wondered if the difference was being able to smack them. No, I said I was convinced of it because I can't see any other reason. What reason do YOU think it could be?

Indeed. All behaviour issues because kids aren't hit.

Endless threads on here decrying gentle parenting and almost none talking about neglect, abuse, abject poverty that is the reality for many children.
"Gentle" parented kids may be unbearable for some to be around but at least they are not being hit or abused.

(and as many have said, OP is describing bad parenting not gentle parenting anyway)

😆

when was the last time you saw your ex’s sibling’s kids? And how involved were you in the Parenting of said kids?

If you're referring to me, I wasn't gently parented. Maybe that's the problem

So you say you’re going to flounce

you repeat you’re going to flounce

but… here you are

Eh? Where'd you get the idea that they are my ex's sibling's kids? I have three, and they are my sister's kids. I saw them a few weeks ago when I was in the UK. They're adults now, though.

I have spent time in the US and I massively disagree. All the kids I knew while there weren't hit for a start where those of us who grew up in the UK had been.

I suspect you've had little reason to spend time around kids. In the US kids aren't out and about as much, there are curfews, less walkable areas etc so if you don't go to kid friendly places you won't see many kids. Kids in the UK are more of a part of everyday life.

No, not you. I agree with your posts.

So when did you last spend any meaningful time with children?

I am argumentative and get too caught up though. Distracting myself from parenting 😂

And was she a smacker?

I'm 51. I had a dreadful husband. Maybe we'd have had them if I'd had a decent husband. I do have some regrets as I get older, for not having them. I guess I have ghost children, and I do like to imagine how I would parent them. I can see a scenario where I might be pushed to my limits and end up smacking them, but it would be a last resort, and I would hope it wouldn't come to that. Hopefully talking and consequences would be enough.

But hey, if I HAD had them, maybe I would feel totally differently.

As it is, my ghost children are very well-behaved and I'm a very good ghost-parent!

I only know of once. I don't think so, only in extreme circs.

I do like to imagine how I would parent them.

on the basis of this thread, I don’t

what “extreme circs”?

You might not go around hitting people but kids who are spanked will hit other children, so someone's parenting might become another child's problem.

I was brought up in the 70s/80s and my parents never had to hit me. So it wasn't all families and perhaps my not getting hit is part of why I just can't imagine being that cross with my children that I would hit them. And they have pushed all of our buttons from time to time.

I can understand someone who has never had children to think that spanking would be fine, a simple short solution to stop the current and achieve future behaviour that the parent desires.

Can you understand an alternative viewpoint that a parent just wouldn't smack their child regardless of how much of a dick they were being?

Children are these tiny humans that might not be able to control their actions and emotions efficiently when they are little, but they look to their parents for guidance, protection and understanding. And love.

How I thought about it, was I would have to be extremely angry to hit one of our babies, and the mood I would have to be in would be exactly the wrong time to lash out.

Not hitting isn't the quicker or even easier way to discipline, it's not. I think you would be much more hesitant if you did have children of your own.

You know, a swift sharp smack on the butt in extreme circs is very common. Stop making out that I'd be some kind of child-abuser.

What “extreme circ”are you envisaging?

Stop imagining yourself hitting imaginary children. It's weird as fuck.