To think gentle parenting has made some kids unbearable to be around?

[KindButFirmFox]

Boundaries aren’t oppression.
Sometimes “gentle” just looks like “ineffective”.

AIBU to think balance has been lost between empathy and discipline?

So what would YOU do with ongoing issues then? Or did you think one swift slap now and again would get them back in line?

It tends to be favoured by lazy/weak parents

Does it? How so? And how do you parent yourself?

I agree op.

Not everything should be child centric and a negotiation, I see this so much and the kids have way too much power.

I would never slap a child, no matter what, and I can't say I've thought about it that deeply.

Sweet Jesus

An even bigger sigh of relief

What’s the difference between a smack and a slap?

Then what makes you think you have the answer? Think about it now. What do you imagine you'd do? And a slap and a smack are the same.

So @Horsie

your child “keys a car” and is “uncontrollable”
you smack their bottom, just the once
problem solved

😆

A slap is skin to skin, like slapping someone on the face. And it can be pretty hard and cause some damage. A smack/spank is a quick swat on the bum, on top of clothes, meant to shock rather than injure.

Maybe! It might shock them into better behaviour, no?

You're not interested in a fair discussion, all you're interested in is being annoying. Are you sure you haven't got hold of your mother's MN account?

So completely out the blue they become “uncontrollable” and key a car and “dont care about consequences”
smack mildly on the bottom
sorted
oh @Horsie

You said ages ago you were flouncing

I can’t be arsed to do this again, it’s so tedious. Gentle parenting doesn’t spoil kids, it doesn’t mean never saying no, it doesn’t mean giving them everything they want and not giving boundaries. That’s Permissive parenting.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2019/06/03/how-to-be-a-gentle-not-permissive-parent/

That's still hitting, slapping an ass is a smack
That's hitting and slapping

And this would completely change a child “uncontrollable” “keying a car” “doesn’t care about consequences”

a light pat on the botty

Do you work @Horsie ?

Nope. I can categorically state that when my sister went through a stage like that she just escalated and hit back. And we were hit. Smacked. Whatever you want to call it. A kid who acts like that has some kind of problem. In my sister's case and sons Casey ADHD and ASD. Although my sister's only been diagnosed this year at 38, at her work. As a mental health nurse. So no. It doesn't shock them into behaving better.

It's how you see your children as they grow as your babies.

If one of our children had keyed a car, would be worse if it wasn't ours.

We would work out the damage and pay for that and then take away, until at least it was paid back, everything the child loved. Football team, online gaming, ice cream, a birthday party. They would effectively be under house arrest.

There would be early boring bedtimes, no time with friends, no desserts, the punishments would be endless, the lectures, the conversations. We would take everything they loved away.

But I wouldn't hit them.

What would you do? Would you just hit them? And then get back to normal?

Because for some they would take the hit and think, yeah moment of pain but not enough to make me stop.

A four year old keying a car is very different to a 10 year old keying a car which is different again to a 15 year old keying a car.

And no car is worth either of our children, it's just a car. Our children are human beings with complex brains, there might be an underlying anger that meant they only felt they could get attention if they did something outrageous. It's possible. There could be something going on in their brains that they had hidden and yes whilst expensive to sort out and embarrassing and anger producing, perhaps keying a car was the calling car you needed to see before they ended up in a despair of which there was no coming back from.

So yes keying a car would be extreme, but it wouldn't be so black and white as to hitting and them job done, punishment handed out, don't do that again.

This is just a summary of a thought process we could go through if our children had done something like that. Does that explain things a little?

How do you know that one mild smack on the bottom once wouldn't work?

Actually, I've just remembered something. I have a robot dog (bear with me) and, apparently, if you smack them, they let out an eeek! sound. I've seen it on my robot-dog group. But I can't bring myself to smack my robot doggie. Hmm. Maybe I wouldn't smack a child, even in the extreme circs I imagine.

The dogs are available in the US and Japan - Sony - and they are artificial intelligence, which means they have a mind of their own, and they respond to the way they are treated, resulting in a certain personality after three years. You're supposed to discipline them as well, but all I do is say "No!" And he was super-naughty once.

I swear I'm not away with the fairies. These things exist. He remembers up to 150 people, and reads faces and tones of voice. So if someone is mean to him, he remembers it and will growl at the person or avoid them.

I've come very late to this thread, and haven't read it closely, but IMO the issue is the speed of reaction. Children are usually quite short term, so any sanction or punishment needs to be SWIFT, or it seems a bit unfair. Now and mildly drastic is more effective. And no discussion at all.

But most 7 year olds have simply grown out of snatching

What the…..

Backs away slowly

I will leave you to it @Horsie
And UNlike you, I say what I mean

Backs away slowly 😂😂😂

I think you meant to say "Unlike you, I say what I mean."

At least I don't bait and bait and bait someone spitefully, like you do. I engage in discussion in good faith.