To plan another baby at 37?

Anotherbaby36 · 2025-11-05T13:30:43+00:00

I’m looking for someone to tell me that I’ve completely lost my mind! I have 4 children, and I absolutely love the chaos! I love all their personalities and watching them grow. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum even though I have 2 teens, the youngest 2 are toddlers. We are getting married next year and I can’t help feeling that another baby would be so welcome and wanted in our family! However, I would be 37 (all being well fertility wise) once baby would be here. All I keep doing is counting up in age at how old I would be on the school runs etc and would my husband and I be too old to travel once the children had their own lives. I can’t stop thinking about another baby! But is this because I'm sad that I just won’t have one again if that makes sense? thank you!

BottleDown · 05/11/2025 13:33

YANBU to have a baby at 37, it’s a totally normal age.

But are your children getting enough time already, and does your husband want another?

HappyAsASandboy · 05/11/2025 13:34

37 is not too old - plenty of women are having their first child at 37!

Five children is a lot though. Only you know if you can support and provide for five, and whether you want to be doing the school run for an extra however many years!

You imply that your DH is older. How old is he? Could you find yourself caring for him, or at least picking up the slack for him, while your kids are dependant? That could be hard. It could happen to anyone anytime of course, but knowingly having DC number 5 with an older man might leave you very vulnerable?

TomatoSandwiches · 05/11/2025 13:34

How lovely for you... what about your children, would they want another competitor for attention and resources?

isitmyturn · 05/11/2025 13:35

I had my first at 37, DH was 46.
All grown up now and we are certainly not too old to travel.

Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:37

BottleDown · 05/11/2025 13:33

YANBU to have a baby at 37, it’s a totally normal age.

But are your children getting enough time already, and does your husband want another?

Oh yes! He loves babies and kids and the business too - but, granted he gets to leave to go to work 5 days a week so he gets a happy medium I suppose! My eldest are 14 and 12 and don’t really want much from me now, just space and their friends…perhaps that’s why I am wanting to be needed by all the little ones I don’t know!

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Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:38

isitmyturn · 05/11/2025 13:35

I had my first at 37, DH was 46.
All grown up now and we are certainly not too old to travel.

Edited

thank you for your reply! I have gotten into this terrible habit of figuring out how old I’ll be for every event now if that makes sense, and have it in my
head that I have limited time left! Lovely to hear it from your point of view though :)

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SendhelpToddlerBoy566 · 05/11/2025 13:40

I think you'd be mad but you do you.

My in laws had a a 4th baby in their late 30s for the same reason. He had autism and didn't sleep until he was 12 and was (in his words!!) an absolute nightmare. He would hurt all the other kids, hurt himself, my FIL had to spend all his time with him while MIL did everything for the other 3. He chilled out around the age of 12 when he found his hobby to channel some of that energy and frustration and a good school he really loved and now he is a lovely (and very quirky) adult. He's actually my favourite from DH's siblings but what I am saying is that he brought a set of challenges that they never expected which made their life much much harder.

So you need to account for this possibility. And my BIL is actually healthy and high functioning, what if you have a child with a disability? You will love them of course but it will take time from your existing children. Can you handle that?

Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:40

TomatoSandwiches · 05/11/2025 13:34

How lovely for you... what about your children, would they want another competitor for attention and resources?

The younger boys are too small
to ask really which worries me as yes, what if they resent me when they are older! I have casually
dropped it into the conversation with the eldest 2 and genuinely can’t get an answer that isn’t ’I don’t care’ or ‘up to you and dad’! Perhaps if they loved the idea they would make it known though…

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Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:42

SendhelpToddlerBoy566 · 05/11/2025 13:40

I think you'd be mad but you do you.

My in laws had a a 4th baby in their late 30s for the same reason. He had autism and didn't sleep until he was 12 and was (in his words!!) an absolute nightmare. He would hurt all the other kids, hurt himself, my FIL had to spend all his time with him while MIL did everything for the other 3. He chilled out around the age of 12 when he found his hobby to channel some of that energy and frustration and a good school he really loved and now he is a lovely (and very quirky) adult. He's actually my favourite from DH's siblings but what I am saying is that he brought a set of challenges that they never expected which made their life much much harder.

So you need to account for this possibility. And my BIL is actually healthy and high functioning, what if you have a child with a disability? You will love them of course but it will take time from your existing children. Can you handle that?

Oh gosh, yes that would be absolutely so hard! And I would 100% question my choices if that was the case.
Im sure I need to be so happy with my lovely family, and I really am, I’m just struggling to let go of this longing for an even bigger family!

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TomatoSandwiches · 05/11/2025 13:42

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:37

Oh yes! He loves babies and kids and the business too - but, granted he gets to leave to go to work 5 days a week so he gets a happy medium I suppose! My eldest are 14 and 12 and don’t really want much from me now, just space and their friends…perhaps that’s why I am wanting to be needed by all the little ones I don’t know!

Show quote history

I have a 17 and 13yr old, they have certainly needed me much more as exams came up and for educational and work options.. imo teenagers need you just as much as toddlers but in different ways.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/11/2025 13:44

Do you have anything in your life other than childrearing, OP? I see you’re a SAHP, but have you always been? Do you volunteer, have hobbies and a social life? Or is it solely child focused? If the latter, do you think you might just be trying to give yourself stuff to do?

Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:44

HappyAsASandboy · 05/11/2025 13:34

37 is not too old - plenty of women are having their first child at 37!

Five children is a lot though. Only you know if you can support and provide for five, and whether you want to be doing the school run for an extra however many years!

You imply that your DH is older. How old is he? Could you find yourself caring for him, or at least picking up the slack for him, while your kids are dependant? That could be hard. It could happen to anyone anytime of course, but knowingly having DC number 5 with an older man might leave you very vulnerable?

My husband would be 40 around the time the baby was born, again based on fertility etc so perhaps not too old? But yes 5 kids is a lot and don’t get me wrong so are 4 lol we are lucky in that everyone has their own rooms and we have a spare, and maybe that’s the problem, I see an empty bedroom
and want to fill it! I get so jealous of families that are just starting out and get to go through it all again, how awful is that!

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WestwardHo1 · 05/11/2025 13:44

37 is a normal age for having a baby.

However you already have four children. That is enough.

MinnieMountain · 05/11/2025 13:44

If it was your first or second I’d say go for it. Not a fifth though.

Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:46

I think you’re sadly right, I need to find the acceptance that its not my time anymore :(

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SendhelpToddlerBoy566 · 05/11/2025 13:47

And what about your own health? Yes, plenty of women have babies in their late 30s (I am one of them) but you're at higher risk of, well, everything. Could ruin your pelvic floor forever, your body won't just snap back, etc etc.

Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:49

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/11/2025 13:44

Do you have anything in your life other than childrearing, OP? I see you’re a SAHP, but have you always been? Do you volunteer, have hobbies and a social life? Or is it solely child focused? If the latter, do you think you might just be trying to give yourself stuff to do?

Yes you could be right - I maybe have lost my identity somewhat. I had a job that I could pick up again but I went back to work when I had the older 2, so I’m really just enjoying being present with the youngest. I think deep down I also know they are the last ones and that scares me. It’s like what is my purpose now if im not carrying babies (I know, this is absolute madness) a lot my friends are planning second and third babies and im so happy for them, but also so jealous! im so confused!

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Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:50

SendhelpToddlerBoy566 · 05/11/2025 13:47

And what about your own health? Yes, plenty of women have babies in their late 30s (I am one of them) but you're at higher risk of, well, everything. Could ruin your pelvic floor forever, your body won't just snap back, etc etc.

True! My health is fine but my pelvic floor not so much!!

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TurquoiseDress · 05/11/2025 13:54

37 is a totally fine age to have a baby

Having a 5th baby is another question altogether and I think that is your real question

Abracadabrador · 05/11/2025 13:55

Four kids is loads. The teenagers will cost a bomb, have you looked up how much parents have to top up their kids university loans by?

Being unmarried leaves you hugely vulnerable, financially. Has your fiancé been paying into a pension for you while you've been out of employment?

Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:55

TurquoiseDress · 05/11/2025 13:54

37 is a totally fine age to have a baby

Having a 5th baby is another question altogether and I think that is your real question

Honestly I think you’re right - I think I’m using the age thing when actually I need to accept 4 is plenty even if I don’t want it to be!

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Original poster

Anotherbaby36 · 05/11/2025 13:58

Abracadabrador · 05/11/2025 13:55

Four kids is loads. The teenagers will cost a bomb, have you looked up how much parents have to top up their kids university loans by?

Being unmarried leaves you hugely vulnerable, financially. Has your fiancé been paying into a pension for you while you've been out of employment?

Yes, we have private pensions and I have a 10
year pension from employment - our wedding is booked for next May so that will be better then. But yes you’re right teenagers are expensive! I think because we have a spare room and a big enough car already I’m perhaps over looking everything else!

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KnackeredButHere · 05/11/2025 14:00

I’m having my 4th and I’ll be just turned 37 when they are born. If I were any younger and had another bedroom, I would consider a 5th. Admittedly, I also focus on how old I’ll be at various milestones for this baby. Big families are unusual on mumsnet so you may get a skewed answer

My children all get our time due to the age gaps. The baby (soon to be babies) get me in the day and go to bed at 7 and the eldest two go to bed closer to 9. I work 3 days per week in a professional job and my husband works shifts as a doctor so does long shifts and has many days off

They all have love, interests, activities and attention. I feel we could manage a 5th, sounds like you could too 🤷🏻‍♀️

40weeksmummy · 05/11/2025 14:02

I can sympathise...I wish I could have 5 kids, I have only 2! However, we can't afford it.
I love the chaos too. My first born is SEN (we found out when second child was born) - it made me to think twice.We massively struggling with childcare - it's almost impossible to find someone for SEN child....

Coconutter24 · 05/11/2025 14:03

If it was first or second baby I’d say yes go for it but not a fifth.