To plan another baby at 37?

[Anotherbaby36]

I’m looking for someone to tell me that I’ve completely lost my mind!
I have 4 children, and I absolutely love the chaos! I love all their personalities and watching them grow. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum even though I have 2 teens, the youngest 2 are toddlers.
We are getting married next year and I can’t help feeling that another baby would be so welcome and wanted in our family! However, I would be 37 (all being well fertility wise) once baby would be here.
All I keep doing is counting up in age at how old I would be on the school runs etc and would my
husband and I be too old to travel once the children had their own lives.
I can’t stop thinking about another baby! But is this because I'm sad that I just won’t have one again if that makes sense?
thank you!

I’m 39 and due in Jan for no.2 (long awaited) if you feel you can manage it, provide the kid with the best care you can and DH is happy and the you think the family will be happy…why not? I think it’s a good motivator to ‘age well’. ’ I’ll be 60 just about when no2 is 20….is what it is I’ll still be me!

Yes I’m 64 and DH is 75. We love travel and holidays and do as much as we can. You don’t stop having fun when you get old, you get old when you stop having fun.

I’m one of 2 and wasn’t helped financially in to adulthood….

Is that all ok though because I come from a 2 child family?

@myglowupera you might not have got money. However you would of had a lot more time and attention. Huge difference.

Hmm context is everything here. I beg to differ based on my own experience.

Given how prevalent SEN is these days, I am curious as to why you would not “see that coming.”

Isn’t “how would we cope with XYZ?” a factor in making reproductive choices?

No, just because other parents don’t support their children doesn’t make it ok!

I personally feel a huge sense of responsibility to help my child as much as I can emotionally and financially. Life has become so expensive these days so they need all the help we can give. I therefore have only as many children as I can support properly.

That’s great for your child.

But surely you must know that even some people with just one or two children can’t provide a leg up for their children in to adult hood. Should they just not have children at all and leave it to people like you who are doing a super job?

Of course they can have children, but perhaps they should limit the amount of children to a level they CAN support as best as they can, rather than have 5 or more children that might feel neglected by their parents’ lack of time for them?

The context is OP. Its you who has gone off your own experience. The issue isn't OPs age it's the no of kids! There's a huge difference adding a 4th into the mix.

You won’t be in old age until that kid is 30. Why don’t you ask your future husband what he thinks and what he wants before you get your heart set.

Only you know what's right for you but I wouldn't worry about age - 37 is young! TBH, having mine at 38 really motivated me to get myself into good shape in my 40s.

Don’t do it . Not because of your age( I was 37 when I had my last ) but because you already have 4 wonderful healthy children . Life has a funny way of fucking us over. I would count my blessing and concentrate on the family you have. Make the spare room into a beautiful snore room( this is what we call ours ), guest room, library, craft room for you.
Also I have found that children get more difficult as they get older. I always wanted three but the last few years have made me thankful that we couldn’t have another.

Interested to hear how children get more difficult as they get older? Do you mean in the teenage years? I find what really helps is having a bit of one to one time with each child. It calms everyone down. Hard to do in a bigger family, and if you're just treated as a number.

Interested to hear how children get more difficult as they get older?

@SilverDoublet It isn't always the children themselves who are difficult, but outside influences that can make life difficult. In DD's case it was a manipulative boyfriend, being bullied at school and the stress of GCSEs. DD herself was lovely, but so terribly, terribly unhappy to the point of self harming and borderline anorexia.

Teenagers need you on an emotional level and you can never underestimate this.

Good grief what a spiteful, nasty little comment. Making out being a mum means you have ‘nothing going on’ yet working - a paid transaction with zero love who would replace you tomorrow if you died tonight - is somehow a much greater hallmark of a valuable existence? Pull the other one.

As for ‘toys’, well, I would argue I know far more older first time mums who treat a baby as a ‘toy’ to occupy them in their later years once they realise what I wrote above. Op has dedicated her best years to raising her children, not shoehorned them in during middle age after ‘having so much fun’ working and partying.

Your comment is horrible and indicative of a very unhappy poster.

One of DDS friends mums is pregnant with her 5th and she is 36/37.
The age is not a problem- it’s not old to have a baby.

I was chatting to her and she mentioned issues in their house regarding room sharing, how she’s already drowning in logistics of all school stuff and now she’s got another on the way.
5 kids sounds like an unbelievable amount of work and I’m not sure why anyone would choose it in this day and age if I’m honest.

As for ‘toys’, well, I would argue I know far more older first time mums who treat a baby as a ‘toy’ to occupy them in their later years once they realise what I wrote above.

Your comment is horrible and indicative of a very unhappy poster.

I don't think the above comment is much better TBH.

It’s not, but we hear what that poster wrote so so so often that I felt it needed some counterbalance - a ‘how would you feel if somebody said this about you’

This is a very middle class website full of 38 year old first time mums and those who sneer at anyone with more than 1.4 children who doesn’t own a mansion and earn 6 figures. Op isn’t a benefits cheat (or on benefits at all), she’s getting married, all kids from same dad, nice big house, good income coming in. Why shouldn’t she have a 5th baby if she wants one? Everyone moans on about the birth rate yet when a stable, intelligent family are a bit bigger than normal everyone cries ‘but think of the children!’. Ridiculous

I wouldn’t because it’s your fifth child it will be a lot,
being 37 and having your first/second or third child isn’t a big deal

I don't think your too old, but your no where near done with the ones you have, late teens to late twenties for my kids and it's still a lot of input with them. Relationships, jobs, mental health, health your constantly involved with a lot more, the later kids stay at home

What do you actually mean by “done with”

I understand it to mean that you are always a parent no matter how old your offspring are.

@Ticklyoctopus

it’s fine for her to have a 5th baby if she wants one! But her talk of ‘mum guilt’ and never doing anything for herself is ridiculous…having another baby is solely for herself. Which again is all fine, she just needs to own that!