To plan another baby at 37?

[Anotherbaby36]

I’m looking for someone to tell me that I’ve completely lost my mind!
I have 4 children, and I absolutely love the chaos! I love all their personalities and watching them grow. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum even though I have 2 teens, the youngest 2 are toddlers.
We are getting married next year and I can’t help feeling that another baby would be so welcome and wanted in our family! However, I would be 37 (all being well fertility wise) once baby would be here.
All I keep doing is counting up in age at how old I would be on the school runs etc and would my
husband and I be too old to travel once the children had their own lives.
I can’t stop thinking about another baby! But is this because I'm sad that I just won’t have one again if that makes sense?
thank you!

As has been said, 37 is OK to 'try for a baby' but I would not be going for a 5th one. 4 is plenty. Then again, it's up to you. Wouldn't be for me. 2 already teens, 2 toddlers, and another one to come? No thanks. To me that would be a life full of drudgery and childcare, for a minimum of 35 years. But it's your call. If that's what you want to do.

37 isn’t old to have a baby. Normal age for a first baby among a lot of people!

Having five children is questionable however…!

Too old to travel!? What demographics are SAGA holidays and cruise ships 😅

Im 41 and pregnant 🙈 if you’re both up for it I’d say go for it 😊

Nothing wrong with having a baby at 37, but to be honest it comes a across as the reason you want one is that without a little one you dont know who you are.

I'd much rather focus on the 4 you have.

My eldest are 14 and 12 and don’t really want much from me now, just space and their friends
Or could it be that they know you're not very available? I have found that healthy teenagers do need a lot of input from their parents. Not as much physically but as much emotionally and even more cognitively.

I'm glad you are realising that it is a selfish need, not one which is best for your family.

Do you already have 4 children though?

No but I do have two with special needs. Mine are 21 and 17 now so that’s why I’ve decided to have another when I know I can give it the attention it deserves. I guess it depends on the couple, if they have a big support network and stuff, my mum had 9 so maybe that’s why I’m a little more open minded to a larger family. Each to their own I guess 😊

Four children is enough onna burning planet where humans are killing off other worthy species every single day.

We can’t have everything we want. Focus on what you already have.

Also, could you support a family of 7 if your husband becomes disabled or dies?

Oh god, all the comments telling me don’t do it and then I read yours and my heart literally skips a beat! I just feel so empty when I feel about not doing it again! Not seeing a little grow up, and I feel like weirdly it’s keeping me going! I have a good social life and we are lucky to do alot of activities but I have no interest in being ‘free’ do you?!

It sounds like you’re just craving the baby stage, and one more will never be enough for you. Focus on the children you do have. Also looks like there is a bit of an age gap between the eldest two and younger two. While you think the teens may not need you now they still have their GCSE’s & A levels to get through and will need a lot more support.

I agree with another poster who said that you have made being a mum your entire personality and identity.

Yes this is very true! I do have a very busy social life and we enjoy lots of activities as a family and are lucky that we get a couple of date nights a month, but I have no want to not carry on with this chaos and I love to be needed too. I do absolutely love pregnancy and of course babies even though I find it the hardest stage! But so also love my teens and their ever changing personalities too! It’s so so difficult, im sure nobody else struggles like
this! Do people ever get the feeling of being ‘done’?!

We have life insurance so hopefully that would help, but I would struggle with 4 children if that were to happen, so 5 yes of course. I do have
a great family network but I see your point

I agree with this.
GCSEs x 4
A level x 4
University top ups x 4
4 mobile phones
4 laptops

Friendship and relationship issues x 4.

Add another into that mix? No way.

Oh they absolutely have me whenever they want me, I am always available to take them out when they want, we have movie nights the 4 of us when the babies are in bed and we always always eat together as a family. I don’t think my teens go against the grain in that they like to be in their rooms gaming or talking to friends though

Actually, I do look forward to being free to an extent. Part of the reason this will be my last baby is I don’t want to have more closer to or into my forties. Having been pregnant or parenting since 22yo I am a little curious about adult life without young children

However, I find the children such excellent company that I don’t really long for freedom as such. I like going travelling with them - we did a trip across Asia last year and went to Europe this year. It’s hard work but I love seeing the world through their eyes. I took the older two to the theatre last night, I loved that just as much as going with friends

Congratulations! See this makes me jealous,
i think I am broken!! 🤦‍♀️

You’ve got four kids, though. Four. Two of whom are toddlers. You will be watching four littles grow up.

Honestly, the issue here isn’t your age, it’s your motivations.

And the fact that you have kids navigating the tricky preteen/early teen years, during which children are extremely needy, and you claim they don’t need you much. It really sounds like you just enjoy the baby stage. That’s not all that being a parent is!

Maybe work in childcare? Childminding, nursery staff, that sort of thing.

I think if I added a comment saying yes at 37 you are definitely too old your reaction would immediately be no I'm not!! Which I think answers your question really. I had my last baby and final baby at 37 and it was the best decision I ever made.

Have you thought about what else could fill the void? Perhaps helping in a school when your toddlers are old enough? Part time work somewhere in childcare, fostering?

My kids were born when I was 34 and 38. There’s nothing wrong with it 🤷‍♀️

😂😂 only you and your husband know what’s right for you. I won’t lie, I’m nervous about having a baby again and adding to the family, but my grandad always said everything works out. I’m nervous though 😂 good luck in whatever you decide to do 😊

I think I may have come across wrong - I love being around the older ones, i enjoy their company so much (not all the time lol) and we really
do some great things together. The balance we have seems to work well for us, perhaps tnat why I’m naive to think a 5th would work just as well!

Nah it's not too old at all. It's more having 5 kids than your age. But if you can cope with 5 then good on you!