To plan another baby at 37?

[Anotherbaby36]

I’m looking for someone to tell me that I’ve completely lost my mind!
I have 4 children, and I absolutely love the chaos! I love all their personalities and watching them grow. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum even though I have 2 teens, the youngest 2 are toddlers.
We are getting married next year and I can’t help feeling that another baby would be so welcome and wanted in our family! However, I would be 37 (all being well fertility wise) once baby would be here.
All I keep doing is counting up in age at how old I would be on the school runs etc and would my
husband and I be too old to travel once the children had their own lives.
I can’t stop thinking about another baby! But is this because I'm sad that I just won’t have one again if that makes sense?
thank you!

@Anotherbaby36

why do you feel mum guilt? About what?

you need a hobby!! It could be playing a sport, something creative, singing in a choir I dunno but you need to find something just for you that doesn’t involve caregiving! Sound good, no?

I had my first baby at 37 (I now have several DC). Most of my friends were about the same age when they started their families. Completely normal in my experience/world.

This is really helpful thank you and honestly I need to hear these comments to bring me to some sort of reality

Why did you wait a decade to have your third @Anotherbaby36 ?

Honestly this is really helpful thank you x

This is so true, the best is yet to come I suppose! Thank you x

I also suffer terribly with mum guilt!

Really? And you’re considering a 5th?

You've answered my question. You're terrified of who you are when you aren't needed as a mother. This is not a reason to have another child.

You need to re-discover your identity as a person, distinct from your (very important) role as a mother.

You sound like a lovely, present mum OP and if you and your husband are keen then go for it. I am one of 5 and absolutely loved my upbringing and adore having so many siblings in adulthood

Get yourself to an English night class

I am finding bigger families to go against the grain now!

I only had 2 and left it too late to have more which is one of my regrets in life.
I always dreamed of 5.

I will say that over the years I have known a lot of families with 5+ children and they have all said that 4 was the hardest and after that number 5 and 6 etc it all got easier and was exponentially less expensive.

Mum guilt whenever I choose to something for
myself and not child related

@Anotherbaby36

well you need to work on that rather get pregnant again.

like do you do anything for yourself? What about exercise?

We threw ourselves into our careers which is what I thought I wanted - then decided that life wasnt for me and have since done a 180!

Of course it is not too old, many women have babies at that age be it a first or a subsequent one. Does your husband want another one? would your exisiting children like another sibling and how would they feel about the upheaval and change that a new baby can bring? Have you got the physical space and financial resources for a fifth child? I would see these things as being more important than being 37 which is no age and one day you will look back and realise how young it really is!

A 5th child would be for yourself

and odd you can’t see that

They always say that children born to older mums have a higher risk of autism, however, in my experience there are many more children being born with autism to much younger parents.
My mum had 3 after 40, none have autism, yet my brother whom she had in her early 20s has mild autism.

So you’ve only been out of an established successful career for a few years?

Sounds crazy to me. Not because of your age but because you already have 4 children. It may be hormones. I never wanted children but when I was around your age I became became a bit obsessed. It was as though I was split in two - my body wanted a baby but my head didn’t. I often wonder if this happens when fertility is about to crash - the body’s last ditch attempt to fulfil some physical imperative.

I think it’s been taken the wrong way - im
absolutely aware of my teens needs and as i said to someone else they don’t go against the grain in that tent want to hide themselves in their room gaming and chatting to friends at times - that’s what was meant by not needing me so much

@Anotherbaby36 this is true, OP, you’ve already said your older kids aren’t bothered about another sibling. You do actually think about your wants and not just your kids

As pp said If this was a first/second child it would be a different story. You have a 13 and 14 year old. Another ten years it could be time for grandbabies!

You’ll always have that part of you that’s a mother. Not having a baby doesn’t end it. But what else would you like to be? Who else are you, what else gives your life meaning? Maybe explore it. If it’s still really a baby you want, have a baby. But if it’s a search for meaning and your “place” try not to pigeon hole yourself as only useful to the world when raising a newborn.

What a bizarre comment